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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dating

28 replies

lebal · 15/08/2018 14:05

My son is 16 has been dating a girl now for a couple of years she just turned 18 he had asked if she could spend the night I said no he said he would just go to her moms house then and sleep over there so I took his keys from him then the girlfriend came and picked him up and they left. what more could I do

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 15/08/2018 14:06

Nothing really, he is 16, he’s allowed to leave the house. Why have you punished him for staying at his girlfriends house?

Shoxfordian · 15/08/2018 15:17

Why did you say no to her staying over?

Trinity66 · 15/08/2018 15:21

I'm obviously not a cool mom because I would have said no aswell. Here it would be statutory rape though (Ireland)

SirHubzALot · 15/08/2018 15:38

Nothing - they are both legally above the age of consent. Plus they have been together for 2 years which seems fairly stable for teenagers.

BarefootHippieChick · 15/08/2018 15:46

What are you worrying about? The fact they might have sex? Chances are they've already done it.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 15/08/2018 15:53

I'd rather they were under my roof and I'd had a conversation about consent and safe sex. As others have said, you're not stopping them from doing it, you're just making sure its not under your roof, which means you're leaving him to his own devices to a certain extent.

I know it's uncomfortable and I wouldn't be ok if it were a string of different girls, but my now 18 yo DS had a GF for 2 years who stayed here sometimes. He now has another GF he's been with for over a year and they stay at each other's houses every night.

They're in a committed relationship, we know her well and she has talked to me about difficulties with contraceptive implant she was having etc so I feel very fortunate that they feel comfortable enough to conduct their loving and respectful relationship around me.

I remember my mum saying that my BF couldn't stay overnight when I was 18 and when I challenged her on why she said because we might have sex. I pointed out that it didn't have to be night time to have sex and that we hung out round his house all day in the holidays, she realised she was being daft and let him stay after that.

NewYearNewMe18 · 15/08/2018 15:56

O/T I cant see what an 18yo girl would see in 16yo boy - that's a big gap at that age in terms of experience and emotional development

Original poster
lebal · 15/08/2018 17:31

I see a lot of people think this is just fine with them I guess I'm just not ok with the opposite sexes having sleep overs I know they are having sex but like most teenagers they can sneak around and do it.
I have rules and when he wants to leave at 11 pm when there is a city curfew where I live there is no reason for them to be out at that time of night I am not ok with that is why I said he could not leave. I must be a stricter parent than most

OP posts:
IceCreamFace · 15/08/2018 17:33

What's the issue here? He's 16, they've probably been sleeping together for years. Fair enough if you don't want her in your house but I don't see why you'd stop him staying at hers.

IceCreamFace · 15/08/2018 17:33

I'd much rather my teenage son was having sex under my roof or his girlfriend's roof than sneaking off somewhere to do it!

SisterNotCisTerf · 15/08/2018 17:36

So you’ve kicked your son out of his home?

SerenDippitty · 15/08/2018 17:37

O/T I cant see what an 18yo girl would see in 16yo boy - that's a big gap at that age in terms of experience and emotional development

If they’ve been together 2 years he would have been 14 and she would have been 16 which seems even more of a gap.

Original poster
lebal · 15/08/2018 18:00

no I did not kick my son out of his home for Christ sake
I just told him NO for something that he wanted

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 15/08/2018 18:03

You didn’t just tell him no. You took his key to his home away from him, so he can’t go home without your permission. If you’re not there, he can’t get into his own home. All because he went to his girlfriend’s house, not because he was letting strangers into your home or leaving the gas on or smoking in it. He was causing no risk to your house but you have prevented him having access to it unless you say so.

IceCreamFace · 15/08/2018 18:04

Honesty I think if you're overly restrictive towards a 16 year old this is the kind of thing that will happen. Maybe he'll even move out entirely. It's definitely sensible to set limits - especially when it comes to your home (contributing to housework, being considerate of bothers in terms of noise etc.) but I think if you try to police his personal life too much he's likely to just push away.

Original poster
lebal · 15/08/2018 18:08

sisternotcisterf
he has his house key and a hide key to get into the house I took his vehicle key away . so he was not driving after the city curfew you must not have any children or maybe you are not reading what I am typing

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 15/08/2018 18:12

Ok you took his car keys, that wasn’t clear from what you posted.

Why would I not have children just because you you weren’t clear in your post? Confused

BarefootHippieChick · 15/08/2018 18:12

Maybe if your posts were clearer op we could all understand them? And 16 year olds in England don't drive cars so perhaps you should have mentioned you weren't in England and then pp wouldn't have assumed you meant house keys.

byanyothernamerose · 15/08/2018 18:17

So you are fine with them having sex (or at least you know they are doing it), but you don't want them to do it under your roof. Fair enough, it's your house, but what's the problem with him going to his girlfriend's house to have sex instead?

lapenguin · 15/08/2018 18:18

Yeah this isn't really clear... Where are you?
Why is there a curfew?
Surely if you knew she was out after a city wide curfew it would have been sensible to just allow her to stay...

Original poster
lebal · 15/08/2018 18:18

I should not have to give all these kind of details i'm sure people are from all over on here maybe people should not assume things to begin with. did not realize that I would not just get a simple response instead I am ridiculed for being a strict parent that is not ok with her son sleeping over at his girlfriends house so sorry to have even bothered posting on here you all have a great day

OP posts:
BarefootHippieChick · 15/08/2018 18:20

Jeez someone is a bit tetchy 😆

BarefootHippieChick · 15/08/2018 18:22

Besides which, you chose to post in Am I Being Unreasonable. To which most people have responded with their answer of Yes You Are.

SisterNotCisTerf · 15/08/2018 18:23

Cool. Will do! Thanks OP. are we done here?

Bombardier25966 · 15/08/2018 18:27

Would you rather son be having sex in a house, knowing he has access to contraception and that he is safe, or shagging behind the bushes?

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