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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not believe hubby?

53 replies

leighb23 · 14/08/2018 18:38

Few months ago I found "suggestive" texts on my hubby's phone to a supposed friend of mine. Today in the car he paired his phone to the car and it came up with the unread text message icon. I went onto the messages (he was driving) and it came up with her name. I said "oh, x" he immediately said oh must be old msg. When I opened it, it said something along the lines of are you still at the hospital with y (our little boy had a big seizure last week)
My head is rolling round like A spin dryer. I don't know what to believe. What do you guys think please?

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 15/08/2018 09:49

Why would she be friends with a woman who was sending inappropriate texts to her husband?

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2018 09:52

It wasnt clear when they stopped being friends. It might have been before the messages because of something else. It might have been because the op suspected more than messages.

Why would she end a friendship over messages but stay married to the lying cheating husband?

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2018 09:54

Also, ive read ops posts twice and can’t see where she said dh said him and ow would have no more contact. Was that assumed? Or did he say that?

Original poster

leighb23 · 15/08/2018 10:22

Thanks little. I'm no longer friends with her because of her reaction to me finding out about the texts. I'm seeing gp this afternoon as not well at the mo either. Lucky me eh.

OP posts:

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/08/2018 10:22

@C0untDucku1a there’s really not an awful lot to go on here is there. Husband could have done nothing at all.

Missingstreetlife · 15/08/2018 10:25

Read him the riot act op, he is being disrespectful at least, and possibly worse. Tell him it stops now and you want the truth. Only then can you decide what to do. No point warning her off, she is clearly a silly cow.
No need to decide anything drastic today but you need to know where you stand.

StoneofDestiny · 15/08/2018 10:26

Don’t define your worth by his actions! You will get through this - and are quite capable of getting through worse. Think hard what way you will move forward - take time and use trusted friends and family as sounding boards - but make sure it’s your decision.

Jammin3 · 15/08/2018 10:28

@leighb23 why are you no longer friends with her but still with your OH? Why is he getting off lightly?

w4ytoomuch · 15/08/2018 10:31

What provider is the mobile? We have O2 and there is a way of itemising even the free calls.

Original poster

leighb23 · 15/08/2018 10:48

@Jammin because it carne from him but I didn't like her reaction to me afterwards! Blanking me etc, making me feel like it's me in the wrong! You can fuck off with that idea love! So I booted her into touch.

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2018 11:03

Might be time o boot tour husband out to as he clearly isnt interested in how you feel if he promised not to contact her again but has. Although im still unclear on that.

Hissy · 15/08/2018 11:12

My love, this is not the end of the world, it's the end of who you thought your H was. and the ex-friend.

He's lied to you because he is a liar, a cheat and a waste of space, she is the same.

YOU are worth a million times what these people are, you can rise above them and go on. you can teach your DC that this is treatment that we don't put up with.

No man is worth this. Please keep posting, you need to know that you will be OK - you will be way better than OK, you will be brilliant without such crappy people around you. (((Hug)))

BewareOfDragons · 15/08/2018 11:14

If you're even joking about harming yourself because of how your DH is making you feel, then he needs to go.

GoatWithACoat · 15/08/2018 11:20

Why didn’t you end it when you discovered he’d been sending suggestive texts to someone else?

If someone isn’t committed enough in a relationship, they don’t become more commuted because you forgive betrayal. Sorry you are going through this. I hope when you are feeling stronger you can deal with this situation more easily.

GoatWithACoat · 15/08/2018 11:20

committed

Original poster

leighb23 · 15/08/2018 11:37

@Diana he sent her texts saying he could sneak her into work at night that he was there alone. So no, not nothing in it I'm afraid.

OP posts:

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/08/2018 11:53

And did you set out your expectations that he would cut contact? Because it sounds like you cut contact but he (obviously) didn’t.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/08/2018 11:54

Also please don’t think I’m trying to excuse him - I’ve just read enough threads to know that men who engage in this sort of behaviour will try and justify it anyway he can - so if you didn’t tell him he needed to cut all contact then he wouldn’t have done it. He’ll do the bear minimum and blame you for it.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 15/08/2018 11:55

I would email his boss his intentions. Illicit shagging at work can't be OK!!

Original poster

leighb23 · 15/08/2018 12:03

Not possible to email boss. Plus if he's sacked where would that leave me.

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/08/2018 12:06

What provider is the mobile? We have O2 and there is a way of itemising even the free calls.

It won't be that they're not there because they're free - they're not on the bill because he's using WhatsApp.

FASH84 · 15/08/2018 12:06

I read your insulin post as doing him in and you'd end up in prison (still not advisable but I understand the sentiment). OP you deserve more than this and I think you know that

Original poster

leighb23 · 15/08/2018 12:39

I've sort of talked myself out of killing myself. Just so fed up. I don't deserve this shit!

OP posts:

TomHardysNextWife · 15/08/2018 12:48

You're right, you absolutely don't deserve this - you deserve better. Whether anything has happened between them or not, he's got intention and that alone for me would be a deal breaker. What a devious shitty way to behave.

Whisky2014 · 15/08/2018 12:54

Leave him

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