To ask for help out of my mortifying situation (lighthearted)

[AccioVodka]

I am stuck in the office alone with my boss. I just did a teeeeny fart that is now threatening to choke me to death. Im waiting for it to hit my boss. I will die of shame.

Tempted to blame dodgy drains or a dead animal hiding somewhere

What do i do?!

Woman in a shop farted in my direction the other day fanned her hand over her arse and glared at me she tutted too I felt like telling her love if I farted I would clear the shop! (I have stomach issues)

Before he asks tell him straight " Don't worry I didn't follow through"

I remember when I was a teenager, I did a very silent but deadly fart.

My nan, mum and dad were in the room. My dad was notorious for letting one off and protesting innocence before being caught out, so when my nan smelled it, she immediately blamed my dad.

My mum smelled it and was disgusted.

My dad kept going on about how it was him.

I don't know how I kept a straight face but I managed it whilst looking disgusted at my dad.

Anyway my nan said she has gotta go as the smell was making her feel sick.

My mum walked her out to the car whilst my dad walked to the kitchen muttering about how everyone always blamed him.

I think I nearly wet myself laughing

I got caught out then

This is one of the many reasons why I have dogs. I haven't farted once in the entire time I've had them

I am, according to DF, disgusting when it comes to farts. My very favourite, although I probably shouldn't laugh, was when DD had a sick bug. I was sitting next to her on the sofa and did an awful one....she promptly threw up. I don't usually induce vomiting with them, though

Crying at [Puppy] DOES NOT EAT CABBAGE you awful woman! and my nose doesn't like me 😂😂😂😂😂

The absolutely worst thing you can do is say nothing.
Make a HUGE joke of it.
Only way.

Just get a an electric fan near you in the future,if you are prone to this annoying disorder. waft away your worries !

Reading mumsnet while cuddling DD (3) back to sleep. Have woken her again with laughing so much.
Coincidentally right before I started reading this thread she did a really loud fart, with her bum pushed up against my side. Didn't smell though.

F

My DH woke himself up once with the loudest fart I eveheard. I was awake bfing baby and nearly pissed myself laughing. He tried to pretend it hadn't happened but realised there was no hope as I was snorting by then.

Baby3 never burped, just farted, when she was tiny and still in hospital (I had to stay in a bit for blood transfusion) she would occasionally smell so bad I thought something was rotting somewhere. I'd sniff her nose and ears and mouth in case there's was something stuck somewhere but just couldn't work it out until she did a silent but deadly fart in my face. I was able to pretend my farts were hers for months as she was almost always wrapped up in my front. Sadly she's now big enough to no longer take the blame for my stinky windy bum!!

Own it or blame him, atleast it wasn't a Shart!