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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My daughter upgraded to Business Class on a flight! She’s 18!

214 replies

pietersburg · 14/08/2018 09:05

DH has chastised her for being a spend thrift, and wasteful. I’m proud of her in a wayWink

She is travelling 14 hours with a rich friend who travels Business. She’s only ever been in Economy, extra leg room seats at bestBlush I’ve flown Business for work a few times and it was great.

Her friends parents wanted to upgrade but DD said sorry no she couldn’t afford it. So they said ok if you make a contribution they’ll
pay, so they came to the sum of £180.

It’s come out of her savings for her spending money whilst back packing.

Who’s being unreasonable, me or dh? I think it’s OK, as it’s a one off and heavily subsidised.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 15/08/2018 18:37

It's not up to OP to be happy or unhappy. It's her daughter's trip and her money.

Rebecca36 · 15/08/2018 18:41

Your husband is being unreasonable. If he's not careful his daughter will refrain from telling him anything about her life.

NewNameInterrail · 15/08/2018 18:44

Agree with your DH tbh. But your DD was put in a bit of a position here.

alreadytaken · 15/08/2018 18:49

I imagine the £180 was what the girl felt she could spare out of her budget and the parents agreed because she clearly wasnt going to go otherwise.

When did giving someone a gift worth thousands become mean!

amicissimma · 15/08/2018 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

userofthiswebsite · 15/08/2018 19:01

As an adult now, I probably would pay the £180 extra to upgrade but as an 18 year old I'd probably have turned this down as £180 was A BIG amount of money for me then, whereas it's not now.

DeathlyPail · 15/08/2018 19:04

I'm finding some of the response quite bizarre.

As a parent of 2 DC who are around you DD age and with many airmiles of experience of longhaul flights I applaud your DD for the deal she has made.

I have flown around the world in economy, premium economy and business and would bite your hand off for a £180 upgrade. Both my DD would do the same, 1 is a uni student who only works in the holidays the other is on a gap year herself earning minimum wage. I would also not dream of telling them how to spend their money. For instance DC1 wants her hair dyed at the salon, that will be around the £100 mark. Or DC2 wanting to go to a music festival which is probably more.

I am not really seeing the £180 as throwing away money

purplelila2 · 15/08/2018 19:05

She's 18 and an adult it's her decision and you are both BU as it's not your business or for you to judge.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 15/08/2018 19:08

This isn't about a lovely opportunity to fly business class kn the cheap though. If the friends already had a holiday booked and paid for, then yes, fantastic , what a kind gesture.
But Op's daughter is now £180 down on her expenses for the actual holiday because her mate wouldn't travel cattle class.
I hope they have agreed a budget beforehand ( or mate is happy to subside her some more).

rachaelclaire1 · 15/08/2018 19:08

180 of her spending for what, is it really going to make her experience so much better

rachaelclaire1 · 15/08/2018 19:12

I expect she is on a budget otherwise there would not be a problem

Dungeondragon15 · 15/08/2018 19:13

Good for her but I hope she doesn't come under pressure to upgrade during the rest of the trip. It sounds like the friend has money to burn. Having flown business and first class in my 20s (when someone else was paying or due to airline free upgrade), I never get why anyone would pay themselves unless they are very rich but presumably the parents are and I therefore wouldn't feel at all bad about letting them pay for most of it.

Dungeondragon15 · 15/08/2018 19:17

Nobody regrets sitting in First Class.

I would have done if I had paid for it myself. A huge waste of money.

NotNachoing · 15/08/2018 19:18

I was in a similar situation to this when I was 21. I didn't know any better and did what seemed right (contribute to things I couldn't afford paid for by a friend's parents).

Now, if I wanted to offer to pay for something for my child's friend I would and wouldn't expect anything from them, it'd be a straight out, clear gift. I would make it clear that I also wanted nothing in return - it's a gift.

If my kid's wealthier friends' parents offered something similar I'd refuse, or suggest my child refuse. There is nothing wrong with not having enough money for something. If the parents insisted and it was a one off gift I'd maybe reconsider, perhaps. But the feeling of being indebted to someone vs paying your own way is not worth whatever it is. When you accept freebies from people you can never pay back, or reciprocate to, you're always going to have a taste of not quite being at the same level as them. Even if they're really lovely people, it's not nice.

ferrier · 15/08/2018 19:26

Nobody regrets sitting in First Class.

They may do when they run out of money and have to stay in flea pits, survive on rice and peas or come home early.

RiverTam · 15/08/2018 19:32

Of course it’s throwing money away, she may well end up cutting her trip short or not being able to do some of the things she wanted., which is presumably what she’s been saving up for, not for a fancypants flight.

wentmadinthecountry · 15/08/2018 19:42

If the parents travel frequently, they'll have had a cheap way to do it - Amex partner, air miles or similar.

Kudos to your daughter. Long haul economy isn't great. She'll get fast track and lounge facilities too. Sadly,my dcs grew up with that as at the time dh flew for work most weeks and air miles were flowing. Now they are adults they have to go cheap - as do we these days.

To be honest, I'd save it for my return journey.

Fruitbatdancer · 15/08/2018 19:45

Christ. Some of the people on here make me ashamed to be a MN'etter. I've done the lot, and through work been 'gifted' a few first class upgrades, but plenty of ecomonomy too. If it's a good deal (a few hindered quid) I'll upgrade, if it's thousands I won't. If I can pay for a mate I will, if I can't I'll go economy with them. Let DD enjoy.
I now have a 4 year old and am one of those who often 'turn left' mostly my son is an angel. The people who get uptight end up congratulating me at the end of the flight. Basically because I 'parent' him. Madness. He (i) paid for his seat and he's better behaved (and far less drunk) than most of the idiots in first class!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 15/08/2018 19:46

Hmmm...I understand what PPs are saying about not wanting to accept the gift or another family paying out for my DD. I used to feel the same way and would never accept gifts (even from family members) that I couldn't hope to reciprocate.

Now I'm in my 40s, though, I realise that gifts or favours of any kind are few and far between in life, so when I'm offered something, I accept!

I think that as long as you're paying your own way most of the time, it's OK to be treated. The other parents want to do this for her and their DD, so why not let them be generous?

crimsonlake · 15/08/2018 19:48

If the friend's parents are wealthy enough to pay for business class upgrades I think to take £180 as a contribution in the first place is mean, £180 is neither here nor there to them.

RedToothBrush · 15/08/2018 20:00

I wonder how many people on this thread have been backpacking compared to having been on holiday?

£180 at 18 when you've saved up, is a huge amount.

Personally I think it a waste because I think about the 'adventure experiences' I didn't do whilst backpacking. I remember trying to do as many things as possible for free and then thinking carefully about the occassional things I'd splurge on. Things like the opportunity to go white water rafting or climb sydney harbour bridge. Things you'll remember for a life time. Or even something you want to spend money on, when you've had a few really shit days - like a nice night of privacy with a bath in a hotel, when you've been in dorms for weeks. Unlike that time you wanted a bit of extra leg room for a few hours at the start of your trip when your still on the high of going at all.

£180 to me represents a whole pile of magical adventures, (that I perhaps wouldn't want to do now I'm older) that you've perhaps only got one opportunity to do. Or frankly, just better spends.

Business class, is a status symbol to a lot of people much more than something you'd put on a bucket list. If I'm honest I don't have a lot of time for people who make a big deal out of how they travelled in a 'better class'. Meh. If you can afford it, and want to do it, fair enough just do it and enjoy it. No big deal. If you can't, then no big deal either. Ultimately the purpose of a flight, is simply to get you to a destination where you then do things. There's so many things, I'd put on a list of things I'd like to do above going business class, so I just don't get it.

Thats why I'd have alarm bells going off. If your daughter is going with someone with that much disposal income and a level of reality that your daughter doesn't have they are going to hit a problem at some point. The tone for the whole trip is set by this.

If they are going for more than a few weeks, it'll go one of two ways;

Your daughter will either run out of money pretty damn quickly. Her 'thriftiness' in getting an upgrade (she didn't need and actually by her own admission, didn't want) isn't a bargin. Its £180 she didn't plan to spend but effectively got emotionally blackmailed / had her arm twisted into spending.
or
Her and her friend will have a massive falling out at some point and maybe even they'll end up splitting up. You'd be surprised at the number of solid / inseparable couples or best friends don't spend their whole trip together and go their separate ways as they meet other people along the way. In some cases, differences are inreconcilable.

In this case, the parents having paid for the rest of the business class ticket, it throws an additional spanner in the works, if they do have a big bust up - it's something to hold against your daughter and a means to which to emotionally blackmail her later on by making your daughter feel obliged to have the trip her friend wants (and can afford) rather than the one she wants and is in her budget.

It really depends on the length of the trip they have planned tbh, but I certainly wouldn't be shouting about how great it was, that your daughter has somehow 'blagged' a really cheap upgrade. She hasn't. I'll say it again - your daughter bought something she didn't want to after some high pressure sales and a bit of duress. Thats not a bargin.

I strongly suspect she's saving up a few problems for the trip itself as a direct result.

You should make the point about making sure she has HER trip not just riding on the tails of the experience her friend wants. Your daughter will enjoy one a lot more than the other.

I genuinely hope I'm wrong and your daughter has a fantastic time but I think you should be a little more wary and offer a bit of caution about how its starting out.

powershowerforanhour · 15/08/2018 20:10

Well maybe it'll strain their relationship, she'll have blown the bungy jump money...
...whatever. Backpacking is about making decisions and going for it. She's felt a little bit pressured into it but it's not like she's got drunk and agreed to go alone to some dodgy place with some dodgy bloke. Even if in hindsight she wishes she'd gone Economy, there's only one way to find out if you think Business class is worth the money!
If it was me I think my main problem would be getting there knackered cos I would have been trying to stay awake for nearly the whole thing so as not to miss it.
Hope she enjoys it to the max :-)

Ski37 · 15/08/2018 20:31

I think you need to be very proud by of your daughter ( as you are !!! ) - She was offered an option she couldn’t afford but negotiated an alternative successfully ... Hopefully this nous will stand her in good stead! If she can stand up to her friends parents (and negotiate) in the stressed environment of an airport then she can continue this during her travels. x

happypoobum · 15/08/2018 20:31

I don't think it's a big deal at all to be honest. At 18, DD can make her own decisions about how she chooses to spend her money. It would have been a bit odd for her to be a separate cabin from the other travellers and obviously she has decided the (subsidised) cost is worth it.

The only thing I don't understand is what it's got to do with your DH and why he is over reacting to a little thing like this?

Silvercatowner · 15/08/2018 20:33

Things you'll remember for a life time.

I've realised I'm really shallow. I flew from the US last year and was upgraded to business class following some major delays. Never having been able to afford anything more than economy the experience will be one that I remember.....