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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My daughter upgraded to Business Class on a flight! She’s 18!

214 replies

pietersburg · 14/08/2018 09:05

DH has chastised her for being a spend thrift, and wasteful. I’m proud of her in a wayWink

She is travelling 14 hours with a rich friend who travels Business. She’s only ever been in Economy, extra leg room seats at bestBlush I’ve flown Business for work a few times and it was great.

Her friends parents wanted to upgrade but DD said sorry no she couldn’t afford it. So they said ok if you make a contribution they’ll
pay, so they came to the sum of £180.

It’s come out of her savings for her spending money whilst back packing.

Who’s being unreasonable, me or dh? I think it’s OK, as it’s a one off and heavily subsidised.

OP posts:
FevertreeLight · 14/08/2018 11:09

I doubt that the people you saw backpacking in 5 star hotels are 18 year old kids on a gap year, who have had a Saturday job in their teens to save up and pay for a backpacking trip.

I think that you would be surprised. You can get a 5* hotel very cheaply in Asia and if you are sharing a room it is much less than a premier inn here often (not in big cities). Get a room that includes laundry if possible.

I was at a Ritz Carlton club when a load of teenagers/students arrived with pack packs, just checked the whole lot in for washing.

I see a lot of parents who fly out with offspring and friends for a 2 week holiday and then offspring stay on touring for another month or so and go to the youth tourism hot spots.

Lots of young people also tour using their parents hotel points and air miles. I did wonder if the £180 was just the tax difference between economy and club on a miles redemption flight.

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2018 11:16

Good for her, I hope she enjoys the flight and doesn't miss the £180 too much from her savings.

I'm not sure I understand the 'pride' though.

If she'd negotiated a deal with the airline and ended up paying £180 I'd be as proud as punch.

But that's not what's happened obviously.

Hissy · 14/08/2018 11:24

Well, if she has seen what money buys you when you have lots of it, it may incentivise her to work hard at UNI and be successful. That's what booted my OH into gear when he was in his 20s, and it certainly paid off for him :D

It's £180 on a flight that she is taking with someone who WON'T travel down the back, at 18, she is just as likely to blow £180 on a banging night out or mega weekend.

FlowersAndHerts · 14/08/2018 11:24

If she'd negotiated a deal with the airline and ended up paying £180 I'd be as proud as punch
That would be great, as she'd not have any future obligation to the airline, as she wouldn't be backpacking with it. Grin

loveyoutothemoon · 14/08/2018 11:27

Your DH sounds jealous that the parents have money!

Paddley · 14/08/2018 11:30

Isn't slumming it all part of the fun when backpacking? Otherwise it's just a holiday.

I don't blame her though, 14 hours on her own in economy doesn't sound very appealing.

FevertreeLight · 14/08/2018 11:30

Well, if she has seen what money buys you when you have lots of it, it may incentivise her to work hard at UNI and be successful.

I was coming out of Virgin UC when a little girl of about 7 looked in and said to her mum- how do you get to go in there? her mum replied- you need to find a rich man. I retorted or do what I did, work hard, go to university and pay for it yourself. The mother gave me a daggers look.

Allthewaves · 14/08/2018 11:32

I think it's a great compromise

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/08/2018 11:34

The trouble with business or first - apart from the cost! - is that it ruins you ever after for going cattle class.
The difference (certainly long haul and esp. night flight long haul) is huge.

DarlingNikita · 14/08/2018 11:34

if she ran out of funds early and rang home to grovel for a sub later on or worse, used her credit card limit.

I'd be worried about this too. If she's budgeted for it then fine, but if it just puts her in a hole then she clearly hasn't learned anything much about money.

While the friend's parents were generous to pay for it, they sound a bit pushy about it. Why insist on her upgrading?

Bluelady · 14/08/2018 11:34

It's her money and she's happy with her choice, surely that's all that matters and it's nobody's business but hers.

Paddley · 14/08/2018 11:35

Hissy, yes indeed, DD working through her holidays actually changed her mind about future careers. She learned that telling others what to do suited her much better than taking orders.

MudCity · 14/08/2018 11:38

Personally the pleasure of going backpacking is going with a friend or group of friends with the same disposable income. If there is an imbalance it can cause problems in terms of travel, activities and accommodation. This would be my concern here.

Hopefully your daughter is assertive enough to stand her ground if her friend tries to influence her to spend more than she can afford. It’s an important skill to learn not only on holidays but also throughout university and adult life.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/08/2018 11:45

I really agree with MudCity about the likelihood of 'imbalance'. What will OP's daughter say when her rich friend says, "Well you did for the flight?" - "Pay my parents back, I want x, y, z". It's not nice to feel wrong-footed and a bit inferior because you can't have or do what you rich friends can easily do and have.

Much harder now that the precedent is there unless OP's daughter is really made of firm stuff. She's 18, I wouldn't have been able to resist either. I'm just glad that nobody put me in that position, that was the only thing that saved me, nothing else.

Poisoned chalice sprints to mind.

whoaskedyou · 14/08/2018 12:03

Although clearly Bus. Class will be a lot more comfortable on a long haul trip it seems to be all about keeping the rich friend happy and travelling in the manner to which she has become accustomed. £180 would go a long way in some countries.

I share pp's concern about the difference in their budgets, expectations, standards etc. Backpacking is generally about travelling on the cheap and sometimes roughing it so I wonder how 'posh girl' is going to cope if she can't even manage an economy flight.

It would have been more 'interesting' to persuade her rich friend to switch to economy and give the price difference to a third world charity. It's character forming stuff!

RoadToRivendell · 14/08/2018 12:04

My niece and her friend came to visit London recently from the US.

Her friend had a business-class seat on the way back, my niece was upset because she was naturally anticipating that they'd have a long debrief and some wine on the return flight.

I don't understand why parents give their children so much so soon, even more so when they're travelling with friends.

In my opinion, the best thing that these parents could have done is put their daughter in coach. The second best thing they could have done is quietly upgraded the OP's daughter with no fanfare and no money from her.

TSSDNCOP · 14/08/2018 12:06

She’ll be ruined for life.

Once you’ve turned left you never want to turn right again.

Hideandgo · 14/08/2018 12:11

I think the parents should have quietly paid it all or encouraged their child to fly cattle class. I hope your dd didn’t feel bullied into it. £180 is a lot of money for an 18 yr old.

sue51 · 14/08/2018 12:15

I agree with RoadToRivendell too much too soon. Roughing it when young is character building. You appreciate a bit of luxury so much more when you have worked hard to earn it. If everything is handed to your child you run the risk of them becoming self entitled.

NoLeslie · 14/08/2018 12:21

I'm also reading this with Common People playing in my head!

KatieKittens · 14/08/2018 12:27

I see your DH’s point of view. Your daughter had a backpacking budget, and now before she has even set off she has spent £180.

It’s best to have a reserve of money for emergencies, rather than for upgrades. I can understand the spendthrift comment.

It is your daughters call, but your DP is as entitled to voice his opinion on it as you are.

Young backpackers travelling economy is standard. For most 18 year olds, it would be privilege in itself to be travelling to another continent for an extended holiday with a friend.

Your daughters friend sounds entitled tbh.

Her family put your daughter in a difficult situation where they didn’t accept her first answer and co- erced her into saying yes.

KatieKittens · 14/08/2018 12:28

even if it was well meaning ^

FuckingHateRain · 14/08/2018 12:59

Your pride is a bit misplaced as your daughter soon came around from her initial 'no' to an 'ok then' when she got an inducement

This.

She wasted 180 quid.
For an adult working hard for years, and with more life experience on his back that'd be an achievement
For your DS it's 180 quid she didn't have spare, it's stupidity

Bluelady · 14/08/2018 13:25

It was her £180 not his.

Fang2468 · 14/08/2018 13:34

It’s not a good sign yo me, it evidences the financial divide. I hope this doesn’t set the tone for the rest of the trip, she could run out of money trying to keep pace with the rich friend.