It’s what you feel comfortable with. Ds18, has been with his gf for 4 years, they are the same age. She sleeps at ours and his dads since they were both 16. They share a bed.
They started to talk about having sex just after they turned 16. He with me, her with her mum. We talked about consent, pressure, contraception, emergency contraception as well as handling the emotional side of it. Another thing I talked a lot about was pornography. Explaining how what you can see online, isn’t how sex is in real life. I’d found a documentary online about the making of a porn film, the tricke etc they use, for example squirting the actors with water to make it look like they are sweating (the rest is not tame enough to write!). But for me it was important that my ds understood that there’s a difference between a movie and reality. That not every women goes around with a hairless lady garden, for example, because it itches and gives us ingrown hairs! Lol. And the important one, was about never pressurising a girl into anything, for example anal sex. Just because it’s in a film......
Ds told me the day after they had sex for the first time. She had already started the pill at this point and he also used (still do actually) condoms as well. The reason for this being that me and his dad were 18 when we conceived. Although we both still managed to go to university a few months after his birth, get our degrees and get good jobs- it was hard! I wouldn’t change it for the world, but I don’t want it for my dc. But he can see how hard it was, and they are both academic kids, off to university to undertake degrees, that is only the start of their training, that will lead to their careers.
So now there’s only two things I do. Firstly I’ve drilled it into both of them, that should the condom split and/or she misses a pill, or has been unwell, that they let me know ASAP and we can get to the family planning clinic (before anyone says anything, where we live the clinic is once a week, so have to travel between 9-22 miles for another one, that doesn’t have a direct public transport link). The second thing is asking if ds needs condoms when I do the food shop!
But apart from that I stay out of things, unless they ask me a question. I feel like I’ve done everything I can, and they both know they can (and they do) ask me anything that is concerning them, and i’ll do my best to help them them out. But they are 18 now, so their sex life is none of my business! But I’m glad I took the approach I did, it was right for me, it was right for ds, and it was right for his gf and her mum. (Exdp was just relived I covered it
). HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean it’s the right approach for everyone else. Some will read this and think I’m mad, irresponsible etc🤷🏻♀️
Sorry that was so long!