Huge backstory but will try to be as succinct as possible without risk of dripfeeding.
Three DC aged 6, 7 and 8. Separated from xH coming up to four years ago. Have been with DP close to three years, introduced to DC 2.5 years ago and he has lived with us for the past year. I’m six months pregnant and we’ve just bought a bigger house in a much better town that’s a 40 minute drive away. It will be a far better place for us all to live in and the DC have a place in a much better school. DP and DC are extremely close and DP and his family have put a huge effort into making them feel included, accepted and cared for- it’s lovely.
XH moved in with his DP about a month after we separated and introduced to DC straight away. His DP has two DC aged 6 and 10. They live in a very cramped two bedroom house which obviously means when our DC stay there’s five under 10s in a small bedroom and our DC sleep on a blow up mattress on the floor. I don’t feel particularly comfortable about the ten year old boy sharing with our DD’S and have raised this as an issue with xh numerous times. Excuses as to why they can’t move have been endless, the most recent is that they’re in major rent arrears with the HA.
Her DS has bullied our DC for years varying from ordering them about, pushing them around, physical fights with my DS etc to threatening to murder them and also me. All of this has been mentioned to xH multiple times but nothing seems to change.
XH also doesn’t take the DC anywhere, he has taken them out approx ten times in four years. They just sit around in his house or play in the front garden. He says this is because he is broke but her DC have every piece of expensive technology imaginable, they have the full Sky TV package and also are going on an expensive holiday abroad in a couple of weeks which our DC haven’t been invited to.
They find it boring, really don’t like his DP’s DS and don’t like sleeping on the floor. Every week they beg not to go, sometimes I have to send them kicking and screaming and it breaks my heart. I make them go because I feel guilty not (although equally feel guilty sending them). I have asked xH if it’s possible for him to just take the DC out on his own instead of them going to his house but he says he is too broke for this.
He claims to work Monday-Saturday 9-5:30 and also one Sunday a month so as a result only sees DC three days a month. He doesn’t drive and has been ‘booking driving lessons soon’ for about a decade in all honesty, it never materialises. DP and I do drive so we drop the DC at his on a Saturday evening when he finishes work but ask he drops them back on the Sunday.
It was DD’s birthday on Saturday and we had a lovely day out. Went to drop them off usual time with XH (6:15pm when he gets home from work) but there was no sign of him. Called him and he said he’d missed the bus so his DP was setting off to collect him. She’d ignored us when we knocked on their door 
, we saw her leave with her DC to collect him. It’s a 15 minute drive to his work so we figured we’d be waiting half an hour. 40 minutes passed (45 since we arrived there) and still no sign. We had nagging bored children in the back of the car who were tired after a long day and also needed the toilet so we gave him another ten minutes then set off. When I arrived home xH called me and started shouting down the phone. DP took the phone off me and told him not to speak to me like that. We explained how long we’d waited, asked why his DP didn’t just collect him after work or he didn’t get a taxi to be there on time for his DD’s birthday but he didn’t have a good response. He got a taxi to collect the DC and blanked us.
Yesterday I received a colossal text ranting and raving, some of it was entirely incongruous. He was essentially having a go at us for driving off, said we had no right to ‘dictate how he parents’ and that if it continued, he would be contacting his solicitor to have a written agreement r.e access. In ways he was trying to claim we were preventing access in some way which is clearly nonsense since we make every effort for it to continue despite it making the DC unhappy... I didn’t bother replying to the text.
Asked DD what they did for her birthday and she had to share it on the Sunday with his DP’s DD which happens every year. They shared a birthday cake, his DP’s DD got lots more presents than DD including a tablet and they didn’t go anywhere for the birthday 
.
DP has worked really hard to try and build bridges with xH. They’ve been out for coffee a couple of times to try and iron out issues with the DC. Yet in this text, xH really painted DP out to be the bad guy and we’ve both had enough. We had agreed to drop the DC on a Saturday evening when we move house to save xH the rigmarole of getting the train and the cost, despite the fact it will cost us a fair amount in fuel. After this outburst we just can’t be bothered bending over backwards for him anymore. Would we be unreasonable to refuse to drop them when we move? The DC don’t even want to go...