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Original poster

MIL’s priorities are weird!

44 replies

Homescapes · 13/08/2018 15:25

A conversation with MIL revealed that she prioritises holidays and “stuff” (clothes, hairdressers etc.) over education. I was 😲. (PILs think us paying for private education is a waste of money.)

The conversation went further and SIL announced she thinks what you look like is more important than health 😳. To be fair, she has never been really ill even though she is in her 40s but even so...

My list was in this order:
Health
Homelife inc. house, food, car, clothes
Education
Fun money (holidays and “stuff” including hobbies, better car etc.)
Looks (designer clothes, Botox, hair, nails...)

MIL’s list was:
Health
Looks (she means her weight more than anything)
Homelife
Fun money
Education

What’s your list? I thought mine was normal!

OP posts:
Original poster
Homescapes · 13/08/2018 15:29

Actually I think I put MIL’s home life and fun money in the wrong order, I think she said holidays are more important to her than her house.

OP posts:
Kezebel · 13/08/2018 15:33

Different people have different priorities?!

Camomila · 13/08/2018 15:34

I think I'd go...

Health
Education
Homelife (we're moving to a smaller place in a better catchment area)
Fun money
Looks (although that's close, i'd go without costa etc for me to buy clothes or makeup)

StressedToTheMaxx · 13/08/2018 15:35

Looking at the categories my list would be the exact same as yours OP.
I could not care what i or anyone else looks like but as long as i/they are healthy and a good person.

comedycentral · 13/08/2018 15:37

Here's mine:
Chocolate
Gin
Olives
Pretzels

Original poster
Homescapes · 13/08/2018 15:38

Camomila Yes we downsized so maybe Homelife is further down depending on the standard of homelife.

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Original poster
Homescapes · 13/08/2018 15:39

comedycentral Oh gin over chocolate every time!

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BarefootHippieChick · 13/08/2018 15:39

Health is most important, but I honestly wouldn't pay for education if it meant we couldn't afford holidays and doing fun things as a family. There are some great state schools out there and learning doesn't just happen in the classroom.

TheBlueDot · 13/08/2018 15:40

It’s not a surprise that education is bottom of MILs list - I assume that she doesn’t have DC that require educating.

SciFiFan2015 · 13/08/2018 15:40

Health
Education (but not that I'd pay for it, it's just more important than the next thing on my list)
Long term security, financially
Home stuff
Fun stuff
Looks

This list means I would prioritise paying into my pension over buying a new TV for example

Food goes in my health category.

monkeysox · 13/08/2018 15:42

Unless you live near the scruffiest council estate and wouldnt want your dc to do to the local academy/comp I honestly dont see how anyone could afford to send their dc to private school.
2 dc min 12grand a year each. Most of us normal folk couldnt possibly afford it.

KatieKittens · 13/08/2018 15:42

Her priorities are just different to yours, not weird at all.

Personally I wouldn’t forgo family activities such as holidays and days out etc for private school tuition.

MereDintofPandiculation · 13/08/2018 15:42

A lot of things are linked, though, aren't they? Many people in this world do judge on looks, including in job interviews. So looking good - which entails spending money on clothes, hair etc - and keeping the weight in check can indirectly increase the money you have available for other things. If your main focus is travel and holidays, house is going to be less important. If there's a good state school in your area and you don't have the income to take advantage of the networking benefits of private education, you're likely to think the money could be better spent.

underneaththeash · 13/08/2018 15:45

We do pay for schooling, but I wouldn't go without holidays or fun stuff to pay for it. Most of my favourite childhood memories are on holiday or doing fun things with my family.

Children need a balance in their lives, too much focus on educational early on isn't healthy.

Original poster
Homescapes · 13/08/2018 15:47

TheBlueDot Yes all her children are grown. However she didn’t value education when they weren’t, tried to stop DH going to uni because he “should be working” and talked SIL’s eldest out of staying on at school.

But then moans that friends and family have “better” jobs (ie physically easier and earn more)!

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Original poster
Homescapes · 13/08/2018 15:48

We still have holidays, we just don’t do four a year!

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IHeartKingThistle · 13/08/2018 15:51

I'm not loving the implication that you don't prioritise education if you don't pay for it. You may not have meant it like that but that's how it's coming across.

For the record, education is very high in our priorities but we believe in and support the state system. We also believe in the importance of holidays.

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 15:52

I think the education question is fairly specialised as it depends what the alternatives are and how appropriate they are for your particular DC. Also lots of people could never afford private even without nice houses or fancy holidays.

I think a lot of it is cultural - people want to be seen as successful and that means different things for different people. For some it means attractive, popular, maybe rich for others it means kind, helpful a useful member of society, for others intelligent and academically successful.

LeftRightCentre · 13/08/2018 15:53

Horses for courses. Why is she weird for having different priorities from yours? Hmm

anotherangel2 · 13/08/2018 15:57

Just because she says she values holidays more than having a home does not mean that’s what she actually does. Has she been in mortagage or rent arrears because she spent money on a holiday?

toolazytothinkofausername · 13/08/2018 15:59
  1. Good health and living a close to stress-free life as possible.
  2. Having a good job/education, in order to have a roof over your head and food in the fridge.
  3. Entertainment (Television, streaming TV/films over internet).
  4. Going on nice holidays.

I do not care for material possessions and I do not care how people look (I say this as a 30 year old with acne and wonky teeth).

mrsrhodgilbert · 13/08/2018 16:00

Last summer I went to a meeting at my local hospital for women with breast cancer to discuss treatment. One patient said she would not take a particular drug because it might cause some weight gain. She very explicitly said she would rather be thin than have the treatment. That was a very strange way to prioritise things imo.

ShatnersBassoon · 13/08/2018 16:05

You've taken her a bit too literally I think. She probably means she gave more thought to being able to afford holidays, beautifying treatments etc; the other things like mortgage and bills probably just managed themselves.
Would your husband be the person he is today if his mother had spent so much on frivolous stuff that she failed to get him educated and keep a roof over his head?

PolkaHots · 13/08/2018 16:08

How are her priorites ^weird* ?

Original poster
Homescapes · 13/08/2018 16:09

IceCreamFace Definitely. MIL (and thus SIL as she sets a lot of store in MIL’s opinion) judge people by their looks. A friend at our wedding is one of the leading researchers/doctors in a condition in the world and a breakthrough of his changed the way the medical profession treat the condition and saved goodness knows how many lives... MIL declared he “can’t be all that” because he was “scruffy” and his wife was “fat” (she isn’t!)

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