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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL Sucking and kissing DD's fingers/hands

39 replies

Bond0O7 · 13/08/2018 15:19

Now I may be called precious but have to get it off my chest.
While MIL was holding DD, DD started grabbing at MIL's face I usually dont mine but MIL tends to get cold sores very often so I dont like DD touching her face. Anyway MIL then grabs DD's hands and starts kissing and sucking her fingers also right after MIL ate a roast lunch so DD then smelt like a roast baby from having her hands slobbered on. I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say! But just took DD away and wiped her hand with Baby wipes. Don't know about anyone else but does anyone find this gross?

OP posts:
MrsSnootyPants2018 · 13/08/2018 15:21

Makes me sick thinking about it.

The concern is fair give them cold sore history and I'd mention how dangerous that virus can be for young children and ask her not to do it.

superram · 13/08/2018 15:23

My husband did this as a game (with a vaguely clean mouth). Unfortunately my daughter tried to repeat the ‘game’ with a friend at nursery and got badly bitten (her own fault-we’ll dh’s). Put a stop to it!

Original poster
Bond0O7 · 13/08/2018 15:23

I just know that whatever I say, she will take offense to it! I just kept staring at MIL hoping she would stop but she was just staring back and kept sucking her fingers as if she was still hungry or something!

OP posts:
Laiste · 13/08/2018 15:23

Given the cold sore history you're going to have to be brave (you're a parent now - gotta learn) and tell her you'd rather she didn't kiss and suck bits of DD. Explain why kindly and go from there.

Laiste · 13/08/2018 15:25

It's awkward when it's family, but DD is your baby - your responsibility to look after.

Original poster
Bond0O7 · 13/08/2018 15:27

This is the first time shes done this. Apart from this one time as she was leaving she was blowing raspberries on DDs palm but I gave her a bath!
I just don't know what to say and make it sound like I'm being nice about it rather than some controlling precious goblin! 😖😖

OP posts:
RochelleGoyle · 13/08/2018 15:30

It's a disgusting thing to do. It doesn't matter if you upset her, she needs to stop being so gross and unhygienic! Hmm

0lgaDaPolga · 13/08/2018 15:31

Ugh I would find that disgusting even without the history of cold sores. If she does it again just tell her you’d prefer her not to do that. If she’s offended then tough. She’s your daughter and you get to decide what is and what isn’t ok for people to do to her.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 13/08/2018 15:33

Offer her a biscuit (mil) as she is obviously hungry. Suggest this to her - call her out in minging behaviour, urgh.

RamonaQuimbyage38 · 13/08/2018 15:35

BOAK. I would not like that. I see your diemma, re not wanting to offend her. But it's not hygienic (or a particularly nice way of showing affection... there are so many better ones!) and you don't like it, so it's not OK. The cold sores give you a very sensible reason.

So, deep breath, and tell her. Otherwise it's just going to fester inside you and make you miserable. She might be offended for a bit, but if it's a choice between hurting her feelings or your baby being covered in her saliva all the time... well, it's a no brainer, I'd say...

Original poster
Bond0O7 · 13/08/2018 15:35

Yup! Even if it was someone else that wasn't prone to cold sores (husband nor I wouldn't even do that) I wouldn't like them to slobber on her hands! I know babies hands are cute and all but I don't see why the need to kiss their hands seeing that it goes straight into their mouth!
I just need to find a way to tell her if she does it again and hope for the best!

OP posts:
mommybear1 · 13/08/2018 15:36

Sorry OP this is one you are just going to have to pull your big girl pants on and say regardless of the ramifications. My PIL and DH suffer from cold sores I told DH from the getgo if he had one no baby kisses etc MIL had what appeared to be one when PFB was 5 months and she was allowing him to try to touch it and kiss his hand/face I just said VERY loudly "mind Granny's face please" she asked what I meant and I said she looked like she had cold sores which were dangerous for babies so he needed to be careful and not touch them she took great offence and proclaimed them to be sun blisters (in February Hmm) and would be fine.DH however whipped DS away and firmly told his mother we were not taking any risks. She didn't like it but tbh I am more bothered about my baby's health than her feelings.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 13/08/2018 15:37

I don't understand why you can't just say 'please don't do that, I really don't like it'. Tough shit if she's offended, her problem not yours or do the MILs feelings come before yours?

lindyhopy · 13/08/2018 15:38

You do have to tell her to stop, despite how uncomfortable it is. Herpes is so, so dangerous for babies. Hope she understands.

Original poster
Bond0O7 · 13/08/2018 15:39

Aprilshowersinaugust
Haha should have said there were plenty of left overs if she was still hungry!
I just discreetly grabbed a baby wipe and wiped her hands so she didn't see what I was doing! And we were out with other people so didn't want to make her embarrassed in front of others but either way I didn't know what to say to her even then! A bit tricky!

OP posts:
RamonaQuimbyage38 · 13/08/2018 15:40

PS my great aunt did the same thing to my baby once. She's ancient and deaf and we don't see her very often so I let it go but I wasn't happy. If she was someone we saw regularly I'd have had to take action.

RosaMallory · 13/08/2018 15:41

🤢

RamonaQuimbyage38 · 13/08/2018 15:41

Aprilshowersinaugust brilliant!!

Original poster
Bond0O7 · 13/08/2018 15:43

I think it was more of a shock that she actually thought it was okay to do that. We barely see PIL's but I am aware of the risks about contracting a cold sore in babies so you're all right! Big girl pants next time I think! Hopefully it goes smoothly!

OP posts:
Laiste · 13/08/2018 15:46

Where's your DP on this? It's his mum. He should be dealing with it really.

MyAuntyBadger · 13/08/2018 15:46

Yanbu, it's gross. You'll have to tell her to pack it in, with a bewildered and disgusted face.

Original poster
Bond0O7 · 13/08/2018 15:48

I did tell FIL to stop shoving his finger in DDs mouth because he wanted "to feel her teeth that were coming through" he was offended but stopped, but MIL tends to cry over anything but yes everyone is right need to be brave and tell her not to do that when she visits and tries to do that again

OP posts:
Pinkandyellowandgreen · 13/08/2018 16:01

I just don't know what to say and make it sound like I'm being nice about it rather than some controlling precious goblin!

No - the cold sores issue is a big one. Why burden a baby with that for life?

It's pretty gross anyway but stop it now before your DD is infected.

BlankTimes · 13/08/2018 16:05

There's lots of info online about people with cold sores infecting babies, google for some factual ones or scaremongering ones if she'd respond and let her read them.

e.g. www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/baby-herpes-cold-sore-rash_uk_57e39cdce4b004d4d861edcb?ncid=other_huffpostre_pqylmel2bk8&utm_campaign=related_articles

Seafoodeatit · 13/08/2018 16:07

Just the title of this thread is making me feel sick. No you're not being precious, she's being disgusting, don't worry how she takes it, it's really not something she should be doing!

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