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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband making plans for me on my days off work

31 replies

starlight33 · 13/08/2018 13:23

My husband has just signed my ds up for a summer camp this week without so much as a discussion with me about it although he mentioned it to me last night I said no as ds would miss the first day (today) as he is in his grandparents, I've maternity appointments. He has already done two camps this summer to which I committed myself to be around for to pick him up and drop him down and make sure he had the correct equipment. I have two other days off work this week and had plans on those days with dc and a friend of mine who also has dc but now I'm going to have to drop ds there for 9 and make sure I'm back for 12 to pick him up. I've to rearrange my plans to accommodate this. He is now in a huff with me because I told him I will not change my plans.

OP posts:
Frogscotch7 · 13/08/2018 13:25

Let your husband arrange to take him and bring him back.

Frogscotch7 · 13/08/2018 13:26

That is, YANBU to stick to your original plans for the week.

mickeysminnie · 13/08/2018 13:26

Why on earth would you change your plans? Just send him to the camp on the days you didn't have plans or don't send him at all. Whatever suits you.

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 13/08/2018 13:26

Well, if he thinks he is the boss, you need to avail him of that thought.

Glad you put your foot down - if he does it again he needs to undo whatever plans he makes for you and start remembering that he is not in charge of your diary.

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 13:28

Definitely don't change your plans. Your DH has wasted money by signing DS up to this camp when you already had other plans. NO one's fault but his own.

NationalShiteDay · 13/08/2018 13:32

YANBU. Do not change your plans. Hopefully that will teach him a well deserved lesson

Beechview · 13/08/2018 13:34

Yeah let him stay in a huff. Tell him to stop managing you and your dc.
There should have been a discussion beforehand.

LeftRightCentre · 13/08/2018 13:45

'Well, next time perhaps we will discuss plans together like two parents and a team. Lesson learned,' and then leave him to sulk. I loathe sulkers. No way I'd change my plans.

Original poster
starlight33 · 13/08/2018 13:48

Thanks everyone. I'm working tomorrow and Wednesday and dc are with the childminder as planned and he also just assumed she'd bring him (I know she would if we asked) but a bit of notice for her would be nice too as she minds other children. He doesn't think my plans are that important (meet friend and her dc for lunch, sort out ds school uniform which can be a two hour thing if they're busy and ds needs to be there for sizing. I was also hoping to bring dc for a treat to the cinema and lunch) apparently to him these plans can be done anytime.

OP posts:
dueanotherchange · 13/08/2018 13:52

Let him be in a huff! Presumably he's at work all this time?? Who does that without consulting the person who's the primary carer (and by that I mean you AND the childminder). I wouldn't dream of doing that without talking to our nanny (although whether or not I'd bother telling DH is debatable).

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 13/08/2018 13:58

So he is trying to manage the childminders diary as well?

Who does he think he is?

Tell Billy Big Balls to butt the fuck out.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/08/2018 13:59

Weirdy weird. Stick with your plans, let him huff, let him cancel.

Shoxfordian · 13/08/2018 14:00

Is he always like this about your plans? Tell him that since he booked the summer camp then its his job to take your son there. He sounds like a knob.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/08/2018 14:02

And do not feel you need to 'explain' - justify - your position to him. No means no. I have prior commitments with the dc on those days, means just that. Likewise, you should have consulted me first, you blustering buffoon.

gillybeanz2 · 13/08/2018 14:04

is your dh his Dad, just that you said your ds not our ds?

yes, I would make your dh cancel/ pay for what he has booked, or do the running around?
Does he always make decisions without discussing things with you first?
i'd make it clear that the consequences fall to him if he thinks he doesn't need a discussion.

Original poster
starlight33 · 13/08/2018 14:05

He works Monday to Friday and has dc saturdays and sundays when I work. I'd never dream of booking stuff for the kids for him to do those days. If ds had a party to go to at the weekend I'd ask my husband was he ok to take him before accepting invite from the other parent

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 13/08/2018 14:06

but now I'm going to have to drop ds there for 9 and make sure I'm back for 12 to pick him up. I've to rearrange my plans to accommodate this

What?

No you don't! Carry on as normal, it's not your problem. It's his.

BrynhildurWhitemane · 13/08/2018 14:13

OP, this is bascially him showing you a lack of respect.

It doesn't matter what the plans were, the fact is they were in place before the club was booked. And booking it without discussion is also crap.

The assumption that the childminder can help is also crap. She may have had something already planned for other mindees that meant she couldn't help anyway, and he was being presumptious in assuming he can expect her to change any plans to assist.

Basically it sounds like your DH will be at work and is assuming he can just book this while expecting others to facilitate it regardless. What a wazzock.

AngelsSins · 13/08/2018 14:15

He makes plans then he facilitates them, you don’t work for him.

BasicUsername · 13/08/2018 14:19

Start booking lots of things in for when he takes care of them on the weekends, see how he likes it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/08/2018 14:20

Should have discussed it with you in the first place, shouldn't he.
Stick to your own plans - your H can deal with the fact that you can't be pushed around, and maybe he'll learn to discuss with you BEFORE just telling you what to do.
How very high-handed of him!

Fuck that.

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 14:22

He works Monday to Friday and has dc saturdays and sundays when I work.

Then you don't get much time with DC normal when they're not in school. That should make it even more obvious to DH that you might not want them in camp.

Singlenotsingle · 13/08/2018 14:25

Sounds like he might be in some sort of management position at work? Used to organising people at work and thinks he can organise you and DC as well! WRONG. You don't work for him! (he works for you Grin)

DarlingNikita · 13/08/2018 14:27

Stuff him. Stick to your plans and let him sort his child out.

Jaxhog · 13/08/2018 14:32

Do. Not. Change. Your. Plans. If DH sign them up - he makes arrangements to get them to and from said event. He can take a day off can't he?

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