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Original poster

Prenatal Paternity

51 replies

Hazey2018 · 12/08/2018 17:52

I know this post is going to get some abuse but please I’m here for help not critisism.

I’ve recently found out I’m. Pregnant. My partner of 5 years and I have recently been trying for a baby. For circumstances I don’t want to go into we split up at the end of June.

On the 6th of July I came on my period (normally lasting 2/3 days) I also had sex with someone who isn’t my ex partner, yes unprotected and I am not proud.

Less than a week later my ex and I decided to make a go of things again and had sex on the 17th July. According to my app this was within my fertile days. And I should have ovulated around the 20th.

My cycle ranges anything from 28-31 days. By maths the first man is very unlikely but I can’t get this chance out of my head. My partner is over the moon that “we” are pregnant after about 2 years of not taking precautions.

I really need some advice? I’ve thought about the prenatal paternity testing. But I’m not sure how accurate these are even though they market at 99% accurate.

I’ve caused my own problems I’m aware but I just really don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
BlackberryandNettle · 12/08/2018 17:59

Extremely unlikely that the first man is the father if you had sex the day your period started.

Does your partner know about the one night stand during your break up?

LyndorCake · 12/08/2018 18:00

I think you need to tell your partner about the one night stand tbh. Even though the chances are very slim, not worth restarting your relationship on a lie.

DoneDisappeared · 12/08/2018 18:01

She was split up with her partner when she had sex - I don't see why she should say anything.

Bambamber · 12/08/2018 18:04

Does your partner know about the other man? It may be worth being open and honest with him. I agree it seems unlikely the other man is the father, but I would personally do a test to be sure. I don't think it would be fair to have any doubt surrounding paternity.

Don't beat yourself up. You was single and had sex, nothing wrong with that! Perhaps use it as a stark reminder to use protection though

Sammio · 12/08/2018 18:05

What date did you have sex with the other man op? Was this on 6th July?

EmUntitled · 12/08/2018 18:05

It seems more likely that your partner is the Father however you should probably be up front and tell him you had sex with someone else while broken up.

Prenatal paternity testing must be an invasive procedure? So it would be a good idea to look at the possible risks.

Would the paternity affect whether or not you continue with the pregnancy? If not would you wait until afterwards for the test?

araiwa · 12/08/2018 18:14

She was split up with her partner when she had sex - I don't see why she should say anything.

Because her partner might not be the father?

Original poster
Hazey2018 · 12/08/2018 18:18

Not he doesn’t know. Our relationship would be over if he did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hazey2018 · 12/08/2018 18:19

Yes the first man (other man) was on the 6th July.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hazey2018 · 12/08/2018 18:25

In theory telling my partner would be the right thing to do considering he’s currently under the belief that the baby can be no other than his.

This cannot happen. Not only would this end my relationship with him it would destroy my relationship with my family.

The prenatal tests I have seen are of no harm to the baby. It’s a simple blood test from me after 8 weeks and a swab from the potential father. Obviously I would have to test the man I’m hoping to be excluded as the father.

This will not be a popular option but if the baby is not my partners I do not see how I can continue with this pregnancy.

OP posts:
SnowyAlps · 12/08/2018 18:27

It’s highly unlikely the ONS is the father however not 100% impossible

Fang2468 · 12/08/2018 18:27

I think it’s a very slim possibility it’s the other guy is the father with the dates, much more likely to be your dh.

SnowyAlps · 12/08/2018 18:28

Whatever decision you make, is yours, don’t worry about what strangers on a forum think.

kaytee87 · 12/08/2018 18:29

It won't be the other guys, you weren't fertile that day. I'd just put it out of your mind.
You might want to have an sti test done though.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/08/2018 18:35

DoneDisappeared
She was split up with her partner when she had sex - I don't see why she should say anything.

Because he should have the choice as to whether bring up someone else's child, because at some point in the future the child may get ill and they could both find out that way?

Take your pick.

ShinyBadger · 12/08/2018 18:41

It happens a lot much more than you think. just go and pay and have the prenatal paternity test with the other guy, your then know for sure.

If you use a conception calculator it said sex for getting pregnant is between 15/07-20/07 which would make it in the window of your partners, so you are about 5wks 3 days now. Go and have a private scan about 7 weeks and see how far you are. If you are 7 weeks or less then the chances are it is your partners. Good luck why ever you discide to do x

LyndorCake · 12/08/2018 18:42

Done if she wasn't now pregnant then I could see where you were coming from....but since she is, there is a chance the baby is not her partner's and he has a right to know

Bambamber · 12/08/2018 18:43

In that case I would get the test done. Although very uncommon it is possible to get pregnant at any stage in your cycle, it all depends on when your egg is released. So unless you know for sure when you ovulated (bearing in mind sperm can live for about 5 days) I would get the test to be sure, especially in the circumstances you describe

Fireworks91 · 12/08/2018 18:58

Fuck it is wouldn't say anything. What you did while you weren't together is none of his business, and the chances of you getting pregnant while on your period are so slim as to be negligible.

Congratulations. Flowers

loopylass13 · 12/08/2018 19:01

I believe pre-natal paternity testing carries a test of miscarriage. Is there any reason not to find out until baby arrives. Meaning, if you found out baby was not your partners would you choose to terminate the pregnancy? If you plan to continue pregnancy regardless of paternity then I would not risk the testing prior to the actual birth.

Others might be advising you to tell partner but I would say do what you can live with, many children have likely been raised by fathers who biologically speaking weren't theirs. Are you at risk of bumping into guy you slept with on a break? I think if in social circle then the decision to tell may not be yours, a one night stand with a random gives a little more freedom. Not being judgemental but simply saying these are the choices.

LyndorCake · 12/08/2018 19:06

Are people honestly suggesting not to say or do anything? What if the OM has any or is a carrier of any genetic conditions? What if the child gets ill and needs something from a blood relative?
Could you imagine finding out your child wasn't yours? After thinking you've made this amazing person, you find out you've been lied to?

Fireworks91 · 12/08/2018 19:07

The odds are so slim that it be anyone else's, given that she was on her period with #1 and in her fertile zone for #2 that yes, I would not say anything

PotteringAlong · 12/08/2018 19:08

If you’ve been trying for 2 years have you had any investigations? If you couldn’t get pregnant because of male factor infertility that will be hard to explain if you try to have another baby.

justsmellingthecoffee · 12/08/2018 19:09

Why tell him if the baby is his? No need to hurt him just to unburden yourself. If he had had a one-nighter do you think he would tell you? Couldn't you get your DP's DNA (hair perhaps? don't really have any idea what the test involves) and not involve the other man? If the baby is not DP's, then you need to tell him. Stop yourself worrying and do the test. And .... congratulations!

claireblueskies · 12/08/2018 19:17

OP, I don't think you did anything wrong by having sex when you were single (unprotected wasn't smart for many reasons, but that's irrelevant to the truth that you were single and it was your body to do what you wanted with). It's very easy to see how you ended up in this difficult situation and anyone who judges or criticises you can do one.

A prenatal test will require consent from one of the two possible fathers - would the man you slept with be willing to provide this to avoid you having to get your OH involved? There is a small risk of miscarriage (a cheek swab isn't going to be sufficient) but I would argue given where you are emotionally, you have to weigh up that small risk with the risk of what your emotional state is going to have on your body, should you continue the pregnancy without knowing the father for sure.

In your shoes, I would go for the prenatal test and get an STI check done. It's none of your OH's business that you slept with another man when you were single IF you have a test done to confirm you aren't passing anything nasty onto him.

You may find it worthwhile to have the STI test first, because if you did have something, you would have to tell your OH, which makes hiding the DNA test irrelevant. You may as well then get samples from both men.