to think that you don't need to be smart to raise smart kids?

[CY57]

I'm not particularly smart. Not highly educated. Work in a little shop. Never did well in school etc.

DP is very intelligent. High flyer and not sure what he saw in me initially as we are so different.

I've found life quite hard. Wish I was smart, wish I did well in school. I tried so hard, just didn't grasp it. Still find GCSE level maths difficult. Wish I had a good education and better opportunities.

Am I being stupid to be concerned my DC will end up with my intelligence levels and not DPs?

I know that probably sounds awful but I was so badly bullied for being stupid in school that I'm petrified my child will go through the same. I would love him/her to be smart. Not necessarily academically, just well rounded (which I haven't always been).

AIBU? ☹️

I think it intelligence is mostly about nature. Some people just aren't clever and you can't teach it.

But intelligence isn't everything. There are other characteristics and important for success. I think most important is instilling a good attitude.

You have very intelligent unsuccessful people. The opposite is also true.

My mum can’t write and can barely read. I have a PhD. You don’t necessarily inherit your mother’s intelligence!

In a way I sort of wish I hadn’t been smart - my mum is really kind and popular, whereas I was bullied for being smart and find it difficult to relate to most people. She is definitely happier than me!

I’m intelligent (genius level IQ). My children are, so far, average. My parents are average, as is my sister (same upbringing).
I’m not sure there’s a direct genetic link, based on my experience. For what it’s worth, I think intelligence is overvalued. Sure, I got good grades, but never needed to learn study skills, to learn to motivate myself to work or to organise myself in the way I might have otherwise. I’d say that had I been less intelligent I may have achieved more.
Like you, I was bullied through secondary school, in my case for being “ugly”. I’d focus on improving your dc’s self esteem and resilience, as bullies really don’t need a reason to bully

@BlairWaldorfsHeadband I could have written your post. I totally understand about feeling lonely and not having any friends because you can’t relate to people. We did an IQ test at school and I got the shit beaten out of me for weeks afterwards because I scored highly. I agree that intelligence is a curse.

LlamasPyjamas

I was bullied severely at school. We had those too and I think I scored third highest in the year, the pressure was always on for me to achieve but I never did because I was crippled by anxiety. I still am.

I try to instill more confidence in my DC.

I was an only child, and I was determined to have multiple DC so that they’d at least have each other to relate to, hopefully. I don’t want them feeling as alone as I do.

To come from the mother doesn't completely make sense. Siblings would be more similar than they are.
Personality is very important as is age in school year.
Mothers may be more likely to help with homework so a more motivated mother (or even father) will make a difference.
Having 2 parents together so they are earning more as a household and have more time/energy possibly.
I definitely think seeing a parent/gp who cant read/or write at all is not a great role model. Even if they have been successful otherwise.
Dd1 seems much brighter thandd2. Could read cvc words at 3.5 etc but she is very difficult and defiant. And that doesnt go down well with school.
People get bullied for all sorts of things shoes/phone/hair. You cant prevent it all.

My Mom is of average intelligence, my sister is above average, I'm between gifted and genius. My paternal family are extremely intelligent with genius to spare.

Intelligence coming from the mother has not been proven.

I've always thought like many other things intelligence is a combo of the parents that can be nurtured further.

Having helped both adults and kids with Maths to GCSE level the things that are important to teach your children are to continue to learn new things even for the sake of it, plus hard work and resilience. Some of it can be learnt in a more formal education manner but other activities like sports, learning to play music instruments, doing crafts and dance also teach these.

I can of plenty of intelligent children who don't have smart parents. However I think you are being very hard on yourself. There are plenty of important things you pass on to our children other than academic intelligence. You need to be more positive about yourself and think about the qualities you can nurture in your children that are just as important as being book smart.
I have a friend whose son has apparently inherited his dad's intelligence. Since foundation she's been told how gifted he is. Consequently, I believe, she (and her husband too) seems to think she needs to make literally no effort with him. She doesn't even show up for parents evenings. He has no interests in life and very poor social skills. Other friends have actually remarked how rude he is. I think he's going to find life not that easy as he grows up.

I've never heard children get their intelligence from their mothers. Can anyone provide a reputable source for that? I have heard that a mother's attitude to education is a major determinant of a child's educational progress. That's certainly intuitive, whether research shows it to be the case or not. It explains to some extent how the children of recent immigrants who speak very little English and work in low-paid, low-status jobs can have children who get onto 'top' courses at 'top' universities despite attending rough schools.

Obviously there is a limit to how much a mother's drive can do. In the case of learning disabilities, for example.

@charlestonchaplin Nope - look at this Snopes fact checker for the details www.snopes.com/fact-check/intelligence-is-inherited-only-from-your-mother/