Was I too harsh?

[Flightsocks]

Need some opinions as I'm not sure if I'm over reacting.

DD is 2.5. DS is 6 months.

This morning DH got some of DDs old baby toys out of the loft for DS to play with. There was an activity table, activity gym and a walker.

I laid DS under the activity gym and DD started playing with the walker. She came over to where I was with DS and drove the walker past him, quite close to his head. I told her not to do that as she nearly hit DS. She then adjusted her course and drove it into his head with some force. He cried and I told her off.

I asked her to say sorry, which she did, but I then took the walker and put it into my bedroom and shut the door so she couldn't get it. I told her she could have it back later. I intended this to be a punishment but also I was making sure she couldn't do it again.

She threw a tantrum and started kicking my door to try and get into the room. I stood firm and told her she could have it back later.

DH hears her tantrum from the garden and comes in. Once I explain whats going on he opens the door, gives her the walker and then takes her downstairs to watch youtube, her favourite activity. I can normally distract her from a tantrum but DH didn't give me a chance to do that.

He says my punishment was too harsh as shes only 2.5 and that I shouldnt have had DS on the floor if she had the walker.

I'm cross that he's undermined me in front of her, rewarded her with youtube, and why should DS not be allowed to play with a toy he was enjoying because shes being naughty?

For context we do have a problem with DD hitting at the moment. She does it for attention but just telling her off isn't stopping it.

So, was my punishment too harsh? And am I justified in being cross with DH for not backing me up?

Thanks for all the replies and advice. I typed out a long response and then my battery died and it was lost.

I shouldn't have left DS on the floor after the first warning. My reasoning at the time was that he was enjoying the toy but I can see in hindsight that it wasn't wise.

I spoke to DH about backing me up with the kids. He made the right noises but time will tell as to whether he follows through. I felt like he was agreeing with me for the easy life, much like he does with DDs tantrums.

This thread has also given me lots to think about with regards to DD and my expectations of her so thanks for that. I still believe the punishment was justified as she does need to learn consequences, especially in the context of the wider behaviour issues we have. But I definitely need to rethink my expectations of her sharing and her understanding of DS.

And the walker has been sent away for 'repairs' and will not be back until DS is ready for it

Thanks again all

I think by giving the walker back it likely made it seem less of a big deal to dd that ds got hurt. So he was wrong to give it back. He should have just taken her to watch youtube like "oh you can't play that anymore. Let's do this instead"

I Don't think she should have been told off though. I'd have removed the walker and explained that we have to keep ds safe, and he's not safe if we push the walker into him, so it needs to go away while he's on the floor

Hmmm... has your husband always been a sahd? I just hope he isn't going to let either child rule the roost for an easy life

She’s 2.5, her primary carer has switched from Dad to Mum, there’s a new baby, her wee world has been turned upside down. Stop expecting logical responses from a mixed up toddler who is trying to work through all the massive changes in her life and putting the responsibility on her!

Bollocks. The baby is 6 MONTHS old, not 6 days or even 6 weeks. Mum has been home for 6 months, and Dad is still home a lot when he' snot working. Mum and Dad, not childminders and randoms.

I hope your DH really heard you tonight, because what he did is not on. ANd his desire to have an easy life now when he's a SAHP will cause countless problems later as the children get older and more demanding and entitled if they're used to getting what they want when they want it no matter what. He is doing them no favours by being unwilling or unable to see them upset.

Doesn’t matter that she knows that. NOW she knows she can do it anyway, and Dad will have her back

She knows nothing of the sort. Because, to repeat it yet again, she is TWO AND A HALF.
She doesn't have the ability to tie that all together and learn from it.