I've name changed although to be honest the only person who this might be outing too is my DSis who I've already talked too about this!
So to be clear at the outset this isn't a sibling resentful competition thing at all!!
Our parents have big anniversary coming up and are having a massive party.
My sisters in-laws have been invited.
For context I live overseas with DH and have for 15 years so naturally they haven't spent nearly as much time with my in laws and I'm ok with that; have no desire for them to all be besties and enjoy that they get along very well when they get together but we tend to visit separately when we are back/
On the other hand my sisters MIL is single and her DSIL has a partner and lives locally. Over the last decade they've spent many social times together with my family including a lot of Christmases and New Years. Etc. It's obviously geography and they know each other well. They haven't spent much time with my In laws but they're all friendly. And in all honestly I like having it separate as We can focus on spending time with each side when we're back . Forcing a relationship feels a bit like when your parents forced you to be friends with their friends kids when you didn't have much in common and particularly because we r overseas I see no reason to have the intense closeness of my sisters in laws and my parents .
So with all that backstory I'll get to the point. When my DM was starting to plan the party months ago, she called me and said she felt a bit bad that they had this close relationship to my sisters in laws and not to mine and did I think they should invite my in laws to the party ?
I was quite honest that it hadn't occurred to me at all since they didn't have that kind of relationship but that I thought it would be a very nice gesture and would make DH happy but that it was their party and up to them.
Anyway DM has never mentioned it again and never did invite them. The party is now a month away
In hindsight I think I should have been firmer and said yes when she asked because it would have meant a lot to DH (though he'd never say!)
It also feels awkward since it's not an intimate family thing but a pretty big "do" and doesn't really seem to be a numbers or financial reason to exclude them when I see who else they HAVE invited.
I do want to ask about it because I'm not entirely sure Mum didn't forget about it entirely or if she decided not too. I would like to know the reason as she brought it up and otherwise I don't know if I would have even thought about it.
I do not want to create tension or conflict but AIBU to think if she's having a huge party and inviting one set of in laws it would be the diplomatic thing to invite both ?
I know I'm going to get a lot of "her party her choice" replies but pls also consider that me and DH are taking a long haul flight to be there for 3 days so really making an effort. Because it's so short and his family won't be coming we've had to tell them when they ask that although we're going to be in the country we won't in fact be able to see them as it's all taken up with this party they're not invited too!! And I can't help feeling bad for DH that it just looks like he's not as much part of our family as DBIL and that she didn't consider that it might be nice for us to see his family when we have chance even if that means she has to "sacrifice" inviting them.