To think school ties are the work of the devil?

[YerAuntFanny]

DS starts secondary on Tuesday and shirt/tie is mandatory, we've practiced for hours over the summer but he just cannot grasp it and ends up getting frustrated and throwing it or getting in a knot!

He can't tie shoelaces either and this is the first year we've had to get lace up trainers as we couldn't find suitable (size 8) velcro shoes.

He has poor fine motor skills which were picked up in nursery but no diagnosis or reason although we're in the final stages of assessment for ASD which could be contributing.

No tie isn't an option so we're just going to have to figure it out. Any tips?

Could you get a clip on one?

YANBU

I used to hate ties for this reason. I could never do them! No tips but he’s not the only one.

Tie it for him, cut the back then sew up the cut and sew on Velcro pads. The bulk of the overlapping bits and Velcro will be covered by the collar anyway. Added bonus that he can’t get hurt by someone grabbing his tie or getting it stuck in something because the Velcro will just come undone.

My son is ASD and dyspraxic, just about to start year 9. He still can't do a tie so I have to do it every morning and when he has pe he just leaves it tied and I've shown him how to pull it back up.
I won't stress and I'm certainly not letting him stress over a tie.

Do it for him and then get him to loosen it and lift over his head. Back on the reverse way.

My son is dyslexic and struggles with laces but thankfully they wore ties from year 1 so that was mastered a long time ago now.

Can you loop it and then he just had to put it over his head and tighten?

Putting it onto elastic may be an option BUT I’m not sure most 11 year olds would feel happy with that if everyone else is using it “normally”

For the shoe thing you can buy no tie laces to rePlace the normal ones

Can he do that thing that most school kids do. You knot it for him once and he just loosens it and slips it over his head when he needs to take it off for PE. Then it just goes back on and he tightens it.

It's obviously a fairly common issue as this dyspraxia website is selling tie clips and has an instructional video on how to convert them.

Re shoes, could he not wear slip on loafers like these ones?

Velcro/elastic!

When I was at school I kept my tie tied and slid the knot down to loosen it to take off. So you could tie it for him once and then he would loosen and tighten it to get it on and off.

If you want him to learn,to do it himself then try breaking it down into steps with visuals and practice slowly.

So glad we're not the only ones!

Being "normal" is something he's worried about it so we have been practicing the slipping on/off thing as he doesn't want to be different from the start, he's had years of bullying so tends to want to fit in and be pretty invisible with no reason to stand out which rules out clips/elastic although I did suggest it.

Will look into no tie laces, the ones we've seen have toggles which made it pretty obvious. He wore them on winter boots before but not on trainers.

Can you help him with the initial tying of it, and get him to practice just loosening it enough so he can take it off and put it on over his head for when he has PE?

Rather than tying laces conventionally- is one loop, turn other around and pull through there’s another way, you make two loops, one each side, and then pss one under the other (as if you’re tying the start of a shoe lace) and pull. He’s going to have to learn some how- there are lots of methods online

We looked at slip on shoes/loafers but according his Aunt who is at high school "everyone wears trainers, might as well just stick a kick me sign on your head" once he heard that he'd made his mind up 🙄

Although from what I've seen of the secondary kids here there definitely is a preference for trainers!

Juniper we've tried lots of different methods over the past 8 years but it's the pincer grip he struggles with, we even have one of those little board books with step by step visual and written instructions but he just can't grasp holding the loops and pushing the other around or through.

I really wish that sometime was soon though!

Tie reasonable, there needs to be what is often termed a reasonable adjustment for anyone with dyspraxia or other conditions. Clip on ties perhaps?

What kind of secondary school allows trainers? I wouldn't spend a fortune, chances are he'll be sent back with the instruction to get proper shoes.

As PP have said, he can slip it on and off but he should really keep trying. Keep doing it long enough and the muscle memory will take hold.

Tie it for him and he can slip it over his head. I did that throughout my secondary school years.

For laces, you can get the laces that don't require you to tie them. They're elastic. I can't remember what they're called but I have them on my shoes for quickness.

Bobbiepin trainers are standard at secondary school here, the only stipulation is that they are completely black. We've were told this at the parent induction evenings and it's in the school hand book :)

This is the kind of thing I mean OP.

I don't tie my trainers as I'm lazy to be honest! I use this no tie method... this is one but there are many methods just have a look for hidden bows or laces on YouTube. It will work DS because you would the the knot in the end for him and it just stays tied. Plus it's a pretty common way to wear trainers so unlikely to stand out as such.

*We were not we've were obviously!

I did my school tie up once and then just slid the knot down to take it off and slid it back up when wearing it.

On the shoelaces front, have a look at Hickies or Xtenex laces? Neither have obvious big plastic toggles like other kinds of no-tie laces do. It’s worth just googling triathlon laces and seeing if there’s anything else that might be appropriate.