To think school ties are the work of the devil?

[YerAuntFanny]

DS starts secondary on Tuesday and shirt/tie is mandatory, we've practiced for hours over the summer but he just cannot grasp it and ends up getting frustrated and throwing it or getting in a knot!

He can't tie shoelaces either and this is the first year we've had to get lace up trainers as we couldn't find suitable (size 8) velcro shoes.

He has poor fine motor skills which were picked up in nursery but no diagnosis or reason although we're in the final stages of assessment for ASD which could be contributing.

No tie isn't an option so we're just going to have to figure it out. Any tips?

And agree in the loosen method for ties, my school had ties from reception! So we used this method, and still in secondartvas a timesaving one

For laces try Greepers. You replace the laces of your shoes with them, and you can loosen or tighten the laces without undoing them. They are used for triathlon, but also for people who can't tie laces.

Tie the tie as you would like it. Cut it off (cutting at the back of the neck where it goes under the collar) keeping knot intact. Sew the knot so it can't be undone. Sew elastic or velcro to the severed ends.

I recall a lot of students especially the boys using the loosen and slip off method for their ties especially in the earlier years of secondary school. I'm assuming you've checked the uniform policy about trainers though rather than take the word of your family member, I'd be surprised if the policy allows trainers outside of PE. Most boys when I was at school wore leather loafer type shoes which would be fine for him as they slip on and off

@FASH84, as I stated before. We were told at the parent induction evenings and from reading the school handbook trainers are allowed as long as they are completely black which these are.

Wow! None of the schools in my area would allow that!

I think we're pretty lucky on the shoe front, now if I can just convince them to do away with shirts and ties all our problems would be solved (even the buttons are a bit fiddly for DS!) 😁

Trainers have always been allowed in school here, I had some rather fetching orange/blue Nike Air Max back in the day!

yanbu
ridiculous things. outdated and unessessary and a strangulation risk.

but for dc I asked in the shop to show him and a security guard kindly made a knot that slides. so it's only a case of pulling to open and close the loop.

don't know if that's the standard tie knot...

Op - have you tried the bunny ears method of shoe tying? - make two large loops (like bunny ears) and then tie them together with an ordinary knot. My DD can't grasp the round and push through way but can do this. Sorry if you've already tried this and I'm just repeating 'helpful but not helpful' advice. Bizarrely our junior school has shirts, ties and blazers but secondary is polo shirts. We spent a summer teaching our then 7yr old DD to do her tie and it was painful.

Could you see if he can tie laces using the 2 loop method rather than the loop round one. I have never been able to tie laces any other way and I am in my 30’s! m.youtube.com/watch?v=WD8SFiDq6x8

Crossed posts with scrappy

Our junior school wears ties so I've been where you are now! I would tie it for him and encourage the slipping on/off method if he doesn't want slip on or elasticated in order to "fit" in. When I was at school we all did this as we were too lazy to re-tie them anyway! Re the laces have a look at hickies as they are rubberised laces to allow you to slip on - they come in funky colours for trainers etc but you can get plain black too which might work for shoes!

Tie his trainers loose so he can slip them on and off. Very sturdy double knot. I wear trainers every day and just slip them on.

We all done that in the late 90s when I was at secondary and ive never stopped

My ASD ds’s cant do laces either, I get them all black Lonsdale trainers with the Velcro straps from sports direct in size 8. They also do the loosen and take off over the head thing with their ties

www.sportsdirect.com/lonsdale-fulham-mens-trainers-115159?colcode=11515903 Like these

If you replace the laces with ordinary elastic and tie them, it stretches enough to get the foot in, but looks like laces to anyone else.

I suspect with the tie it's a matter of practice. Dd2 only has one hand, and when she went into juniors needed a tie, and did not want a clip on. It took her a couple of days of trying, and then she was as quick and neat as anyone else. But it did take that determination.

My son is dyspraxia and I paid his brother £5 to teach him laces, he taught this method and it's worked every day for years.

Can't you get a 'clip on' one?

Are school aware? They will need to watch out for other issues and support discreetly.

For example, in History DD sometimes get a worksheet with different causes on, and she has to cut out each square and then stick them in her book in her considered order of importance. If the teacher does an example and then hands the pre-cut squares to your DS it will help.

Cutting, trimming and sticking in worksheets happens quite a lot at secondary in my experience. Both my DDs (one with dyspraxia, one just with motor skills issues) need to support to do this well.

Also if handwriting is an issue, they can provide larger print worksheets and maths books with larger squares.

Some teachers have been known to write h/w directly into DD's planner to ensure it is written down clearly.

Even without formal diagnosis, providing the SENCO and new tutor with list of issues will be helpful.

Is he left handed?

If so, you need to face him to demonstrate instead of next to him (ties and shoelaces).

He can wear these in Y7? Obv not the £99 variety but that’s just a google example.

www.charlesclinkard.co.uk/men-c9/shoes-c10/poloni-mens-slip-on-p18427?attribute%5B1%5D=1283

And the tie, just tie it yourself so he can slide it up and down instead of untying.

My children have had ties all through primary so are used to them by now. It took a while to master but they got the hang of it, even the youngest who has issues with motor skills. We found practising in the mirror helped! I don’t like ties tbh I worry about them getting pulled and stuff I’d rather have clip on ones than real ties! Good luck OP and son, you’ll get the hang of it :)

What kind of secondary school allows trainers?

Ours for a start. They say trainers are Ok as long as they are completely black so that’s what I have got my kids. My eldest used to get the bus to primary but he’ll now need to walk/cycle and combined with all the playground shenanigans I wanted him to have comfortable shoes