Name changed.
This happened a long time ago, in my 20s. I'm 50 now.
I had an abusive childhood and was quite scared of intimacy and kept myself to myself and stuck to my studies as a way to get on. I entered the arts at uni in Glasgow and got involved with some community projects where an older community worker took on a sort of mentoring role. He felt like a caring uncle. His girlfriend was also an activist and strong feminist, which I admired.
Fast forward a few years, I went to London for a good job and fell in love. I was still a virgin and my first boyfriend was my everything. My 'uncle' visited and a friend warned me that he didn't approve or view me as just a friend, but I brushed it off.
It didn't work out with my boyfriend after a year and I was utterly heartbroken and devastated. After months of moping I decided to go back to Glasgow into a new job as I kept pining for the ex and everyday was a reminder. In Glasgow I stayed with the 'Uncle' friend on his offer. He was still with the girlfriend but didn't live with her. I thought all was fine.
On the first night back he made a pass and I didn't resist. I didn't care. He said he wanted to be with me, and I said I just wanted to die if I couldn't be with the ex. This sorry and sordid state carried on for about two months. He did what he wanted in the most graphic way.
I made new friends and told one about the situation and she spoke to an older female friend and I moved into her lovely safe place the next day. I cut all ties with the 'uncle', went into counselling for two years and was celibate as I got myself together. I met my future husband as counselling ended and told him all of this. Before we married, the Uncle tracked me down and asked me not to get married. I told him never to contact me and hung up. I've been happily married for 20 years.
So, here is the AIBU. The Uncle stayed with the long term girlfriend throughout and married her. She's a big name in the feminist movement. I wasn't the only one he dabbled with, I found out from other friends later on. I'm sure the girlfriend/wife knew what was going on with me and turned a blind eye. His best friend also knew.
I saw the wife today by accident. We locked eyes and I froze. She looked at me like I was dirt. I wanted to run over and shout 'why didn't you say anything, why marry such a scumbag, how are you a feminist'?
I did nothing and the moment passed.
She's not responsible, he is and obviously so am I. But I was fairly inexperienced and naive. It was a long time ago. I should let it go.
AIBU to feel angry at her too?