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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is VU?

53 replies

Hammondisback · 09/08/2018 22:30

Yesterday, I purchased 2 new tyres for my car. DH and I had discussed this and I knew they were due to be changed. I checked prices online and went to a local garage where I had previously had good service.
DH has been working away and phoned me yesterday - this is how the conversation went:
Me: «I bought the tyres today.»
Him: «How much?»
Me: «£90.»
Him: «OMG, you were ripped off!»
Me: «Well, I researched the price and it seemed reasonable - some would have cost £150 for the 2»
Him: «OMG, you didn’t even get decent tyres then!»
I then told him that I was the only married woman I knew who sorted out everything for her car, on her own, always (which is actually true amongst my friends. My single friends deal with garages, but often take their brother or father for support - not because they can’t manage - they are perfectly capable - but because of the everyday sexism women encounter in many of these male-dominated areas.«For God’s sake, your mum has never even learned to put petrol in her car!» Cue him putting the phone down on me.
I sent him a text about how I felt really disrespected by his comments and how, if he really cared that much that I don’t get ripped off etc., he should sort it out for me and deal with the garage himself.
Anyway, he’s home and treating me really frostily, as if I’ve done something wrong! I was actually dreading him coming home, it’s so much nicer here without him and I have so much more confidence without his shitty undermining.
Just wanted to get that off my chest, sorry for the long post!

OP posts:
Happygummibear · 09/08/2018 22:34

£90 sounds about average. Especially if it included tracking and balancing.

Know what you mean about the sexism drives me mad..I know more about cars than alot of men and still get treated like I am a little girl who should play with dolls

Perhaps he wanted to make you feel rubbish by saying you did a shit job but realised that you hadn't but can't take it back and actually be proud of you being a strong independent woman

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 09/08/2018 22:37

Hi.

I always sort stuff out for my vehicles, cars, vans, campers; and yet am still a non-single female. Hope that helps.

Original poster
Hammondisback · 09/08/2018 22:41

Thanks, yes, I think he was just trying to find fault, perhaps even looking for signs he’d been needed while he was away, when in reality, I need him for very little! I just get so cheesed off with fact that he can never apologise or say, «Well, actually, you were right, you did OK.»

OP posts:
minisoksmakehardwork · 09/08/2018 22:41

Op, you sorted it and we're happy with what you got. FWIW I use an independent tyre guy and his nearly new tyres for my car are the same price. Part worn are about £5-10 less.

Your DH is being VU and is probably pissed off if you've spent less on tyres than he would.

I had to get a replacement tyre on a Sunday once, so chain stores only open. I nearly cried when one (brand new) tyre was £120!

Original poster
Hammondisback · 09/08/2018 22:42

Thanks Sturdy, that’s good to know.

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 09/08/2018 22:44

Men always seem to like being in charge and frequently object when wives buy something quite independently of their advice. Even the nicest of them.

Tell him you are aware of that, it's childish and you want no more of that sort of attitude!

arethereanyleftatall · 09/08/2018 22:49

Well, he said a few twatty things first, and then you did. So either 6 and 2x3s, or he started it!
I always do my own car stuff myself, wouldn't have occurred to me not to.

DoubleNegativePanda · 09/08/2018 22:52

Men always seem to like being in charge and frequently object when wives buy something quite independently of their advice. Even the nicest of them.

And this is why I will never marry a man again. Even the nice ones are dicks.

Original poster
Hammondisback · 09/08/2018 22:52

Thank you, Happy, mini & Rebecca - you’re right, of course, perhaps just a bit of male pride - and childishness! God, I feel better, I was ready to throttle him earlier! Thanks for letting me sound off Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Hammondisback · 09/08/2018 22:55

DoubleNegative - I do think there are some that aren’t dicks, but they may be as rare as 🦄

OP posts:
RB68 · 09/08/2018 22:55

My two last week were 159.20 for 2

Same place I paid 60 for 1 6 mths ago - bloody annoying they have gone up generally though - its a fat tyred car...

Nononannette · 09/08/2018 22:56

I do everything to do with my car, that may just be laziness on dh’s part though as I seem to do lions share or everything else. I still tend to say he’s been ripped off when he tells me his own garage bills though! Sounds like he just wanted something to moan about.

Drummingisfun · 09/08/2018 23:03

I had 4 new tyres yesterday, cost £250 inc fitting and balancing. That was the cheapest price available for the tyres I chose, i compared prices online and called local fitters.
Whether what you paid was reasonable depends entirely what tyres you put on the car. If they were Michelins or Continentals you got a bargain.

Singlenotsingle · 09/08/2018 23:04

When I took my car for MOT I was told it failed due to a bad oil leak. I hadn't noticed any oil on my bit of the drive, or drop in oil pressure and I didn't believe them. So I took it somewhere else and they didn't mention it. My dp tried to persuade me it did have an oil leak (forgetting of course that his crappy old car DID leak oil!)

spottybetty · 09/08/2018 23:08

The more important point is I was actually dreading him coming home, it’s so much nicer here without him and I have so much more confidence without his shitty undermining.

Does this happen regularly? Is it a pattern of behaviour? If so, you need to get him to stop it because it will kill your love for him.

Thesearepearls · 09/08/2018 23:10

It's fantastic seeing a thread full of feminists

But the one question I have for you all, is why won't you identify yourselves as feminists? Because that's what you all are ...

garethsouthgatesmrs · 09/08/2018 23:11

He is an idiot. Dont tell him how much you spent next time.

£90 seems a good price anyway but its your car isn't it?

garethsouthgatesmrs · 09/08/2018 23:12

thesearepearls why do you assume these people don't identify as feminists?

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 09/08/2018 23:14

Tyres aside, I’m more concerned about the fact that you said you were dreading him coming home and things are so much nicer without him undermining your confidence.
That doesn’t sound ideal op

spottybetty · 09/08/2018 23:14

What on Earth are you on about, @thesearepearls?!

drspouse · 09/08/2018 23:17

I usually sort minor car stuff because DH commutes and is rarely home when things are open. I've had a good experience with a chain (presumably taught standard customer service) and a tiny garage run by a much older bloke (not trying to be macho). It's the younger blokes that seem to feel they have to prove something.

FASH84 · 09/08/2018 23:20

I sort everything out for my own car, why would my husband do it? All this nonsense about men always looking to take charge, if you buy into that more fool you. Saying all men are dicks is as bad as any man making any sweeping misogynistic statement, don't stoop to that level. I'm also not sure why a PP is assuming women on this thread don't identify as feminists, I certainly do.
Buy the tyres you're happy with and don't seek his approval.

Original poster
Hammondisback · 09/08/2018 23:21

I’ve always been a feminist, but why do we need to identify ourselves as such on this thread?
Spottybetty, I think this sort of behaviour arises when he’s been away and can see that DD and I are managing really well without him, so having worked that out (with all your help), I feel marginally more sympathetic towards him - perhaps I’ll feel less dread and more pity in future. Yes, he is an idiot, gareth!

OP posts:
Mariatequila · 09/08/2018 23:21

Always do my own car stuff & general ‘mans’ jobs. I have an OH but I would hate to need anyone for anything. Depending on size £90 for 2 is either cheap or average. He’s just undermining you because he feels like he’s not done his job as a guy & is projecting that into you.

I’m an equalist not a feminist, the actual definition of the latter implies exclusivity to female causes.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 09/08/2018 23:25

Isn’t the basis of feminism based on equality?