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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is VU?

53 replies

Hammondisback · 09/08/2018 22:30

Yesterday, I purchased 2 new tyres for my car. DH and I had discussed this and I knew they were due to be changed. I checked prices online and went to a local garage where I had previously had good service.
DH has been working away and phoned me yesterday - this is how the conversation went:
Me: «I bought the tyres today.»
Him: «How much?»
Me: «£90.»
Him: «OMG, you were ripped off!»
Me: «Well, I researched the price and it seemed reasonable - some would have cost £150 for the 2»
Him: «OMG, you didn’t even get decent tyres then!»
I then told him that I was the only married woman I knew who sorted out everything for her car, on her own, always (which is actually true amongst my friends. My single friends deal with garages, but often take their brother or father for support - not because they can’t manage - they are perfectly capable - but because of the everyday sexism women encounter in many of these male-dominated areas.«For God’s sake, your mum has never even learned to put petrol in her car!» Cue him putting the phone down on me.
I sent him a text about how I felt really disrespected by his comments and how, if he really cared that much that I don’t get ripped off etc., he should sort it out for me and deal with the garage himself.
Anyway, he’s home and treating me really frostily, as if I’ve done something wrong! I was actually dreading him coming home, it’s so much nicer here without him and I have so much more confidence without his shitty undermining.
Just wanted to get that off my chest, sorry for the long post!

OP posts:
CrazyDaisy2018 · 09/08/2018 23:26

God he'd hate my car. Tyres are nearly £200 each!

My Dp likes to come with me when I go to get my tyres checked but that's just cos he's nosey. He knows I coped on my own for over 10 years and I know what I'm doing.

Original poster
Hammondisback · 09/08/2018 23:27

I wasn’t seeking his approval. TBH, was simply stating a fact about my day and didn’t really expect any comment other than, «OK,» so I was taken aback by his response. He is a bit of a dick, to be honest. I spend most days wishing I hadn’t married him - but perhaps that’s for another thread.

OP posts:
Kezzamo · 09/08/2018 23:28

It sounds like I'm pretty lucky. My DH and I split things pretty evenly. We offer swap cars and who ever had the car that needed tyres would be the person that got them. Same with mots services etc. Out of the two of us I work in a male dominated profession and him female, bloody hell what if I'm the man??!!!!

Butterymuffin · 09/08/2018 23:28

That last bit seems pretty central to be honest OP. What makes you stay?

Thesearepearls · 09/08/2018 23:32

At least I've got you all talking about the fundamental issue

Rather than about the price of tyres

Given that we are all feminists (I am being very inclusive of the equallist post - see she's a feminist and just does't know it yet) surely we don't rely upon male approval for buying shoes, tampons, dishwasher tablets or tyres.

Now that we don't care about what various attached and unattached menfolk think about cars or their tyres let's talk about much more interesting stuff,

Original poster
Hammondisback · 09/08/2018 23:33

I currently don’t want to disrupt our daughter’s life. She’s about to start GCSEs, so I’m waiting until she’s at uni. I’m sure many of you will have strong opinions about that, but I’ve thought about it long and hard and whilst I can tolerate him, I’ll stay.

OP posts:
fc301 · 09/08/2018 23:39

Bullshit all men are dicks!
But in this instance your DH has been an utter arsehole.
For trying to control you from afar
For saying you should have spent less
For saying you should have got better quality tyres... WTF
And for sulking.
I'm sorry you have to tolerate this 💐

m0therofdragons · 09/08/2018 23:40

I sort my car dh sorts his. If I need tyres o get bloody tyres - not the cheapest but not the most expensive. How is this even an issue? Why would I need a man to help with this? Confused

Original poster
Hammondisback · 09/08/2018 23:47

I really don’t mind sorting my car, you’re right, motherof, I just don’t expect to have my decision picked apart due to a misplaced sense of male pride! I probably shouldn’t have made the childish, «Your mum...» comment, but I was incensed by his attitude and wanted him to see how unreasonable he was being. Fc301, I genuinely don’t think that all men are dicks, I just happen to have married one! I really appreciate your kind words, though, thank you.

OP posts:
Revealall · 09/08/2018 23:51

Slightly outing but I work in a College. They have Motor Vechicles courses that start with 14 year olds that are the " difficult " ones in school.
I've been working with them. A 14 year old that won't come out of school with any GCSE's can change tyres in a flash , use the machine that gets tyres off rims, sort a radiator, drain and change the oil filter etc. The 16 -18 year olds can do everything you'd expect in a garage.

And yet we are fooled into believing cars are a black art.

BlueBug45 · 10/08/2018 00:00

Confused - thought it was normal that if you had a car or any other motorised vehicle you know how to maintain it including where to get bits like new tyres from.

Mariatequila · 10/08/2018 00:02

@thesearepearls Please don’t be so condescending, what I said is correct. For someone so keen to label us all on here feminists, I can certainly remember a few poignant threads on here where there has been a lot of female stereotyping & a lot of judgement of OP women from other women here that would seem out of place if the OP had been a man & I don’t recall you standing up for these women’s rights in those threads.

LynetteScavo · 10/08/2018 07:41

Sorting out your own car doesn't make you a feminist any more than not having anything to do with your car apart from drive it means you're not a feminist.

For what it's worth OP, the tyres sound about right. Your DH sounds like a right grumpy arse. This is the real issue, not the tyres.

Slartybartfast · 10/08/2018 07:43

you bought his mum into it,
was it necessary?

Slartybartfast · 10/08/2018 07:44

oh sorry op,
there is of course history to your posting. Sad
put your fingers in your ears

Slartybartfast · 10/08/2018 07:46

It is a car op, my DH Loves to have input, although to be fair he does fix tinker with my car

MovingThisYearHopefully · 10/08/2018 12:12

2 Tyres for £90 is a bargain, isn't it?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/08/2018 12:27

Your DH sounds like a grumpy sod (you weren't ripped off at all)
but I'm a bit bemused by you being a bit put out that you have to sort the car stuff out yourself. Do all your married friends really reply on their husbands to do this? Wtf? Even when I was married I still went to the garage and sorted my car out, why wouldn't I and maybe if more people did that then women wouldn't make such a big deal out of going to a mechanic. Is it a feminist issue? I really don't think it is.

Advice79 · 10/08/2018 18:12

He is being unreasonable. £90 for 2 tyres is a good price. I've been sorting out mine and hubbys cars for last 8 years!!

Original poster
Hammondisback · 10/08/2018 18:50

Hi All, just for info, I’m not actually put out that I do all the car stuff myself, it’s fine, no issue there. I was simply retaliating when he seemed to imply that I wasn’t up to the job. I was just stating that my married friends’ husbands deal with their cars -fact- whether that’s the right thing for them to do from a feminist stance is another debate. It was simply a, ‘Oh well at least I’m doing it, however imperfect a job you want to imply that I’ve made,’ sort of statement.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hammondisback · 10/08/2018 18:52

And yes, he is a grumpy sod, Betty! Smile

OP posts:
IceCreamFace · 10/08/2018 18:53

Well you can't win he sounds like he was desperate to tell you you couldn't sort it out. First he thinks it's too expensive then he says it's too cheap.

Original poster
Hammondisback · 10/08/2018 21:01

Exactly! That’s exactly why I was so annoyed.

OP posts:
LoveInTokyo · 10/08/2018 21:06

What kind of woman expects her husband to sort out her car for her in 2018?

Hmm
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 10/08/2018 21:08

Tbf on him £90 fitted for 2 tyres is very cheap so they are probably budgets but that's not to say they're shit.
Last 2 I put on mine were £193 fitted but they were Pirrelli & mine's an Abarth so wouldn't put budgets on as no good for the car.