What do people think is a fair contribution towards housekeeping from adult children?

[simonneilsbeautifulhair]

Dd1 (nearly 20) has decided to move back in after moving into boyfriends mum’s house with him on a whim nearly 6 months ago.

She is at uni (about to start second year) and works part time (one day a week) - receives a very good amount of student finance and has earned two scholarships (one due to excellent a level grades and the other due to us being a low income family). I am a single mum of two and although I work full time I have really struggled to keep my head above water since her step dad walked out on us.

Ignoring her scholarships (as I would like her to save as much as she can of these to help her get a foot on the property ladder in future) she has at least £180 a week in income when you average out her student loan and wages over the year after paying for expenses like her phone bill etc. She has saved all scholarships this year so has £7000 in savings. How much is reasonable housekeeping to ask her for? I think £200 a month but she would only pay £75 previous to moving out. I should also point out that we have a family horse shared between me, her and my other much younger dd2, but she gets the most enjoyment out of him by far as I don’t get as much time to ride and my youngest isn’t really strong enough to do enough with him yet as he is not an easy ride. I pay all of his costs as well.

Also she uses the most utilities as she is often in all day whilst I’m at work and her sister is at school- our bills are enormous.....

I think 1/3 of income is fair - so £60 a week based on your dds income

I worked it out as if we were a house share, splitting community charge, utilities, food between us. You will probably find you get to a figure around £200 a month but it is easier to justify with some sums behind it.

Community charge - meant council tax. Coulcn't bring the word to mind.

Does she live at home during term time, or does she move out?

No she lives at home and often has her boyfriend staying, eating food here and using water, heating, electricity etc as well.

Do you mean she was only prepared to pay £75 when she lived at home before?

mere OPs DD is a student so she’s not liable for council tax.

Don’t calculate her contribution as a percentage of her income - you aren’t the Inland Revenue. How about asking her to pay for a percentage of utilities and food? That will encourage her to be careful.

Yes she only paid £75 a month before- I bought food, basic toiletries and sanitary products as well.

Well you certainly shouldn't have to pay for her boyfriend to eat and use the utilities.

Nothing while she is at uni. £200 a month once in full time work .

She had much too easy a ride before didn't she?
I think that a third of her disposable income would be fair.

Minimum of £50 per week. Also at least 1/3 of the monthly costs of the horse

Is it time to rehome the horse? If you are struggling to keep your head above water i think a good hard look at your accounts may be needed. See what you can trim to keep your expenditure low. Once you know how much you need each month you can make a better assessment of how much of a difference your daughters money will help and how much you need.

Me and my parent worked out a number that both of us thought was fair based on a portion of what i would have been paying had I moved for Uni - I only paid about £150 - £180 a month and it would have cost a fair bit more to move out for Uni

Watch out OP in the land of Mumsnet a whole lot of people disagree with charging offspring anything at all! You normally get lots of "I'd never charge my child to live in their own home"

My son will be on £14k he will give us 100 a month and save 400

How much did your bills go down by when she moved out for 6 months? That should give you a good starting point.

I understand what you’re saying about the horse but he is part of the family and the only thing that made us happy in some bleak times especially when the ex fucked off and dumped us all in the shit! I wish I could give her everything my parents gave me but they were extremely rich compared to my circumstances and I don’t think she understands that.

While she’s at uni I’d still consider her a semi dependent so I would only charge her what I couldn’t afford not too.

So add up how much a month in extra utilities/food etc that she cost to keep.

Work out if you can reasonably afford to subsidise her or not.

And charge her what she costs minus any subsidy you think it reasonable. (Only you know how much money is left at the end of your month/how much month is left at the end of your money’

I’d also be totally upfront about how you’ve worked it out with her too. Explain that (any) subsidy will stop once she graduates but that you aren’t profiting from her living with you- it’s simply about how much it costs to live.

There is no money left at the end of the month and I’m bills are racking up that I can’t afford to pay as ex has gone back on the financial agreement we made after the split. It’s got to the stage where I’m looking at downsizing to a 2 bedroom flat from our 3/4 bedroom house (can’t afford anything bigger as I owe my mum money she put into the house when I bought it many years ago). This was before she decided to move home. She is now saying I can’t do that as she wants to move home and won’t share a bedroom with her sister...

£200 sounds fair. It's an ok amount for you and it very cheap for your daughter.

I know you see the horse as a part of the family but it would be reckless to put you families financial security at risk because of it.