What do people think is a fair contribution towards housekeeping from adult children?

[simonneilsbeautifulhair]

Dd1 (nearly 20) has decided to move back in after moving into boyfriends mum’s house with him on a whim nearly 6 months ago.

She is at uni (about to start second year) and works part time (one day a week) - receives a very good amount of student finance and has earned two scholarships (one due to excellent a level grades and the other due to us being a low income family). I am a single mum of two and although I work full time I have really struggled to keep my head above water since her step dad walked out on us.

Ignoring her scholarships (as I would like her to save as much as she can of these to help her get a foot on the property ladder in future) she has at least £180 a week in income when you average out her student loan and wages over the year after paying for expenses like her phone bill etc. She has saved all scholarships this year so has £7000 in savings. How much is reasonable housekeeping to ask her for? I think £200 a month but she would only pay £75 previous to moving out. I should also point out that we have a family horse shared between me, her and my other much younger dd2, but she gets the most enjoyment out of him by far as I don’t get as much time to ride and my youngest isn’t really strong enough to do enough with him yet as he is not an easy ride. I pay all of his costs as well.

I assume the horse is in livery? If your DD is riding it then she should be contributing towards the costs of the horse. You don't say what type of livery you're on (if any) as you my have your own land.

If she's left with £180 a week then yes she needs to be contributing to the household.

Tbh in your circumstances I would be inclined to charge what I could get from another lodger. £200 a month plus bills sounds about right as a starting point - I assume she's paying for her own phone, but I would divide the utilities bills by the numbers at home and charge her that too.

Horse costs me £140 a month and I wouldn’t get much if I sold him- let’s just say he’s an acquired taste . Personally I’d rather live in a caravan and keep the horse but dd1 thinks we’re too middle class for that.

If she is earning £180 a week, then I’d go for £200 a month. My parents charged me rent too when I was at uni as they needed the money

I think £100 a month would be fair for your daughter to pay while she is a student.

"my parents gave me but they were extremely rich compared to my circumstances and I don’t think she understands that** "

She never will understand if you don't ask her to contribute.
£50 a week inclusive of everything is reasonable. Where else could you live for less than £10 a day.

Our adult son pays us £55 a week towards his board, including all bills, a double bedroom and use of a shed we bought so he could store his excess stuff. He also buys extra food for the household about once a month, although it's not really the sort of food we'd normally buy.

I don't think your daughter should have to pay a substantial amount towards the horse; it's not her fault you don't ride it much and you chose to have it/keep it. I think £60 -£65 a week would be fair, with an extra £5 if her boyfriend has spent more than one night in any week.

37kat:
“She never will understand if you don't ask her to contribute.”

I have asked her for £200 a month based on utilities and food used- she thinks it’s unfair hence the point of my thread

Her university may have info. on their website to help students with their budgets, for example www.ed.ac.uk/studying/international/finance/cost-of-living
That might give you some idea of what she would be paying if she didn’t live at home. (I’m not necessarily suggesting you ‘make’ her pay the going rate, but the £200 you suggest would be an absolute bargain for her; she must realise that)

I was charged a third of take home pay in the 90s, my parents the same way back in the 60s, it's a tradition!

Just to clarify I’ve not asked her for anything to towards the horse- he is part of the family but just mentioned him as it is a luxury item that she gets considerable pleasure from and that I provide for. Trying to show I’m not a penny pinching bitch

Not reasonable for her to have savings and no costs while you struggle

What does she have to buy out of the £180 a week? Travel? Clothes? Books? Toiletries?

Because that’s the biggie - if she has to buy, say, a travel card, a bunch of text books each term plus obviously the usual clothes, toiletries and phone, then that money will disappear quickly without her being profligate.

In an ideal world I wouldn’t ask for anything, however when I’m reduced circumstances of course you should get a contribution.

You just need to be sure you are being balanced - no point taking so much money she goes short and comes to you every month.

I also think that whilst you may well love the horse, £140 a month when you can’t afford bills is daft.

your daughter sounds like a very entitled young madam.
£180 per week to spend entirely on herself, £7k in the bank, a horse and a boyfriend to stay over. Whilst you struggle to work full time and meet all your needs.
She should want to contribute. £200 per month sounds far and put some boundaries in place for how many days/nights the bf can stay over. The value of money and jsrd work is important.

She pays travel out of that £180 a week, however her travel costs were next to nothing last year as she suffers from panic attacks on trains and so ended doing most of her course through distance learning- I drove her in for most exams/ stuff she had to attend and her boyfriend drove her in a few times as well. She is hoping to pass her test soon and will spend some of the £7000 she has saved on a car and insurance so she can drive herself to uni.

Her phone is already taken out before this budget worked out. She buys her own clothes. I pay for 5 gb of data per month on her iPad.

Do a spreadsheet OP and then show her what it costs to keep her at home including the horse and the tell her she needs to give you at least a quarter of all your bills.
She needs to contribute when you are in dire need and especially as she has accumulated savings at your expense it seems.
If she refuses to pay then tell her find suitable student accommodation.
You are a single parent trying you damn best for your DD..most in your situation would have to fund everything for university or just get a job and do a part time degree.
The fact that she has £7K in savings while you are trying to keep your head above water financially is absolutely not ok.
You are making the mistake of many single parents by over compensating and thinking you need to do far more when really she needs to realise that all of your circumstances have changed.

Well, it sounds like she has a reasonable amount spare.

What would make your life a bit easier?

£200 a month doesn’t seem massively excessive in this scenario.

Does she understand how much the house costs to run and how much you bring in? I’d show her your budget. And, of course, she’s welcome to get a flat share or go to halls - she’ll soon see how far that money can go.

Also, if you need to move to a flat then that’s what you need to do. Tough if age doesn’t want to share - she’s not paying so it’s not her choice.

She's free to move to alternative accommodation if she doesn't find your proposal acceptable.

First of all, if her boyfriend eats at your place, she pays for his food. It's just not on that you should subsidise him as well.

Secondly, honestly, I know you love that horse but you really should sell it. It's just fucking ridiculous that someone is complaining about making ends meet but having an animal that they never use. Maybe your daughter could take on the full cost?

Thirdly, she can't just decide to come home because it's cheaper for her without thinking of what it's like for you. So any differences in outgoings because of her/her boyfriend need to be paid for by her. Work out what your gas/electricity bills were last year, when she wasn't there. That's what you should pay. She should pay the difference. It's ridiculous that she's got £7,000 in savings and you're skint, yet you're funding her. It's just not on.

Don't sell your horse OP. Not reasonable to sub someone else's savings at the expense of your interest.

And horse may well not be saleable. The market is shot at the minute