To Make A Romantic Gesture?

[DrNuShooz]

So a relatively longish story made very short.

Met a really nice lady on-line around February time, we really hit it off. It was my first relationship since my divorce and there was about 30 miles in distance between us. It was lovely to begin with but as I found the late night 2 hour phone calls and early morning “hello” phone calls a bit much things started to get a little strained, although I did really, really like her. We were very attracted to each other and quite compatible but I’d always get annoyed that she wouldn’t let me sleep or if she did, she’d wake me up early. I Co-Parent and really appreciate my sleep when I can get it. We went away for a weekend together and ended up falling out. It was probably my fault we fell out and receiving a face time call in the Restaurant from my DS didn’t really help matters. We decided to go our separate ways. No real harm done.

About a month later I get a message out of the blue and lo and behold we started seeing each other again, we even met each other’s kids (although, under the pretence we were just work friends) Things then got a bit heavy, she’d say things like “you know I’m going to marry you, don’t you” and that she loved me. Well, as soon as I realised it was getting serious I did what every immature & cowardly bloke does…I self-sabotaged the relationship and made issues when there wasn’t any and just basically buggered the whole thing up deluded in the self-knowledge that I’d prefer to be single again.

About a month later I contacted her to say I was sorry. She gave me a deserved mouthful and told me quite rightly to sling my hook.

Last week I messaged her to tell her I was sorry and wanted to speak face to face to explain myself.

She told me was seeing someone else and not to bother her again. I promised I wouldn’t. I may be an immature coward but I have some dignity and respect.

On Monday she messaged me telling me she was willing to hear what I had to say. So I told her. She still wasn’t interested. I told her I was glad she was happy.

So, I’m finally getting to the point here. Quite by random I was in a record shop yesterday and there was a CD single in there of a song that has a special meaning between us. I’ve brought it. I honestly wasn’t looking for it, it was just there in front of me (the same song played on the bloody radio on the way hone) I miss her so much it hurts, I know that’s a cliché, but it’s true. I’m in love with her.

Would it be wrong to send her the CD next month for her birthday or would I again be guilty of wankerish behaviour?

At the time of writing I think I’m going to send it.

Oh enough already.

You're either not emotionally available to her or she needs far more attention than you are able to provide. Doesn't matter which it is. The ship has sailed. Leave her alone and learn from this.

You've said you both have children so surely she co-parents or has her children most of the time and appreciates her sleep too? It reads like your needs are greater than hers or you don't see her parenting as equal to yours

Greater than hers? Nope. She'd quite happily stay up until 2 in the morning being intimate and then initiate it again 4 hours later. On the one day of the week where I had the opportunity to lie in..... that's what I wanted to do. Don't forget I was doing 100% of the travelling

There's a lot of unpleasantness in your responses to posters

.....responding to unpleasantness directed to me.

I'm at the stage of drinking wine and listening to melancholy music at the moment, I think I'm going to hit the Gym and self improvement stage soon, hopefully anyway.

Good for you, just go through the motions

kick a man when he's down
(v.) To kick a man when he's down is to attack at the persons weakest moment. It defies the gentlemanly code of ethics, and does detract from reputation. Used literally or figuratively, it still has pretty much the same meaning.

I never kick a man when he'd down; stamping on his head is easier!

The first paragraph is wants happening.
The 2nd paragraph is some of the MN Posters 🙄

if he has ptsd and is "emotionally crippled" then no, by his own admission, he's clearly not fine, is he? there's no shame in that, despite you trying to imply there is. ptsd is a horror to recover from, and with a divorce on top, why shouldn't he access some additional support to help him sort himself out? get the therapist, op. you know ptsd ain't that simple, even if other posters want to pretend it's irrelevant

Gosh, why is OP getting such a hard time?

He has accepted that sending the CD would probably be a bad idea. We've all had stupid ideas when we're desperate to win someone back.

Chill, everyone!

@isupposeitsverynice
Typical mumsnetter out in force 😂 I didn't suggest he doesn't need help for his PTSD disorder if he feels he does I'm just telling him not to let a few catty responses on here make him come to that conclusion if he otherwise felt ok. People on here can be mean & judgey behind the keyboard. That's all, weapons down

I don't think the OP is responding particularly unpleasantly to posters. Straight away he was called a creep and people have not pulled any punches in directly suggesting he's a drama queen, some kind of weirdo and so on. Is he expected to simply roll over and agree he is these things without defending himself?

I'd not send it but not for fear of being a stalker but because she sounds way too intense too fast. Talking marriage and two hour evening calls plus wake up calks? Way too much too fast and makes me think of lovebombing.

Add your PTSD into the mix and it's a recipe for disaster.