Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him to shove his camping trip?

51 replies

Supercala123 · 08/08/2018 22:50

Myself and my partner have 4 children between us. DSD 9, my two DD 12 and 15 and DS between us, 1.
Partner doesn’t really get on with my DD (15), they barely talk to each other.
He has just said he wants to book a camping trip for two nights next week, first night just on his own with his DD and second night for ‘whoever wants to come’. It’s inevitable that my 12 year old will ask why she’s missing out on a night when DSD isn’t. It all just feels a bit shit.
AIBU to tell him to go and I’ll arrange something else for the other three and myself?

OP posts:
Bodear · 08/08/2018 22:55

Don’t want to read and run and lots of others will have much better advice than me but it seems a bit mean of him. I understand that it’s impirtant for DSD to have time on her own with her dad but surely a separate trip would be more sensitive all round? What would DD15 do? Would she be left at home or forced to go?
In short, YANBU

Thehop · 08/08/2018 22:57

Hmmm

He can and should have time alone with his dd but a trip completely separately would be kinder.

The others will just feel pushed out this way.

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 08/08/2018 22:58

Wave him off and then take the others somewhere really fucking ace for three days. Let him return to an empty house, no food, and when you get back say 'nah we didn't fancy it, we had a great time elsewhere'.

Medea13 · 08/08/2018 23:02

I'm confused. Your OP doesn't say he has a daughter.

LaContessaDiPlump · 08/08/2018 23:04

Op's stepdaughter is his daughter.

Butterymuffin · 08/08/2018 23:06

Medea the DSD will be his daughter

Like Pyjamas says, just say you'll do something else with the others.

Willow2017 · 08/08/2018 23:06

Medea
Yes she does!

Nope I would be saying one nights camping is a waste of time for all the hassle it will cause. He can go with his Dd for both nights and you can plan something with your kids or you can all go together another time.

Its a bit shit like saying "We are all going camping but you lot cant come the first night you can come when it suits me and DD." It will make your kids feel awful.

Doyoumind · 08/08/2018 23:07

I think it's fair enough for his DD to get some time by herself with him to be honest. Who does she live with? How often does he see her?

Eliza9917 · 08/08/2018 23:10

I'd go somewhere else better with the other kids and let him get on with it. I also second staying a bit longer so you aren't there when he gets back.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 08/08/2018 23:11

It is fair enough that she gets some time with him herself however doing it this way isn't on. It may come across to the others that she's more important and they'll make do with everyone else on the last day.

It should be a separate trip with her and either you do something with the others or a different trip together.

Grumpyoldblonde · 08/08/2018 23:11

Hang on, your partner Hardly speaks to your 15 year old? How's that playing out at home? You have a baby with him so I guess live together?

Original poster
Supercala123 · 08/08/2018 23:12

DSD stays with us 50% of the time.
I totally get the ‘want to be alone together’ stuff but to do it like this feels shit for the others.
Bearing in mind I literally NEVER get time alone with my teens without the baby and he has just returned from a three day trip with his DD in Dorset without us when he stayed with his mother. It just seems sad and rubbish. Maybe I’m being over emotional.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 08/08/2018 23:12

Hardly a treat is it? One nights camping? Let them have 2 nights on their own, and you do something lovely with the others.

Original poster
Supercala123 · 08/08/2018 23:14

Grumpoldblonde - the no talking to each other is bloody awful. I’m at breaking point with it.

OP posts:
CommanderDaisy · 08/08/2018 23:14

Yep, tell him to shove his elitist little excursion.
The answer to “Whomever wants to come “ should be a big, fat No one.
Go and do something else with the others, or have an awesome weekend eating pizza, shopping, pedicures etc.

RaininSummer · 08/08/2018 23:14

I dont see why it is such an issue so long as it is explained well to the other children. It is maybe a shame that you cant just all go as a blended family but if that is the dynamic then go with flow if you can be bothered joining them for a day.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 08/08/2018 23:15

@Supercala123 - the not talking to each other has to be sorted, especially since you've got a baby together.

Is there any reason for it at all?

Grumpyoldblonde · 08/08/2018 23:16

I'm not surprised you're at breaking point. Your poor girl, 15 is such a hard age and now there's a new baby, her mum's boyfriend barely speaks to her plus a stepsister. She must feel very sidelined.

LuluBellaBlue · 08/08/2018 23:17

Maybe suggest he takes both his children and you go off somewhere lovely with your older dd’s? Wink

DickensianHysteric · 08/08/2018 23:19

I would be tempted to tell him to take the baby on the camping trip so you can spend some time with just your teens.

KoolAidPickle · 08/08/2018 23:23

Well its only fair that his eldest child sometimes gets time with her dad without his girlfriends kids coming along as well. I'm sure you realise how wrong it would be to insist that he has to have your kids along every time he spends time with his child?

But another question is why you would have a child with someone who doesn't get along with your children? Talk about a recipe for disaster. Probably none of the children are happy with the situation.

Original poster
Supercala123 · 08/08/2018 23:24

I’m still breastfeeding at night so isn’t really an option for him to take the baby for two nights

OP posts:
averythinline · 08/08/2018 23:24

why isnt he taking the baby? and you do something with just your DC ...
they sound very low down both your pecking order..... feel sorry for your dds not only are they living with someone who doesnt like them there is now a baby around.... maybe spend some time focusing on them... before they are gone...why didnt he take the baby down to his mums?

Original poster
Supercala123 · 08/08/2018 23:29

They used to get in very well. We had a baby together and during pregnancy I was very unwell and admitted to hospital on numerous occasions. It’s the first time I’ve ever been too unwell to care for my children. This lasted about 4 months. My oldest eventually just lost it and my partner struggled to cope with everything so things kind of fell apart from there. My partner saw her as rude and unhelpful; she was just scared and in a situation that felt awkward. He accepts no responsibility for the way he’s been towards her since.
I try really hard to prioritise my DD’s, do things they enjoy but I’m struggling with a 1 year old always in tow. It’s really hard.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 08/08/2018 23:31

Why are you with a man who barely talks to your 15 year old and takes his DD for holidays without your DDs?

Swipe left for the next trending thread