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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder when it's acceptable to let a 3 year old play out unsupervised

94 replies

ErictheGuineaPig · 08/08/2018 19:12

Very small cul de sac. Albeit with lots of cars parked on the pavements. Just turned, not remotely sensible, 3 yo. Infant school aged brother out with him. Also not mature for his age. No adults sat out supervising. I'm concerned but not sure if I should be...

OP posts:

adviceonthepox · 09/08/2018 17:11

I don't even let my 3 year old play in my childproofed back garden unsupervised. A 3 year old in the street unsupervised is appalling. Surely that's a safe guarding issue. No road sense no stranger danger awareness and no one to see if they just wander off 😱😱😱

Aeroflotgirl · 09/08/2018 17:47

We have a social worker, due to my dd having sn. I encountered a similar situation, I informed our SW, who said to phone the duty desk, as it was very concerning.

youarenotkiddingme · 09/08/2018 17:52

I had this situation. I watched and worried for months until the 3yo ran into the road behind my car as I reversed off the driveway.

Was lucky I saw him. I reported it to NsPcC.

I said I was concerned about the child's safety as this child is still in nappies and didn't believe they could have road sense if they couldn't tell they needed the toilet.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 09/08/2018 17:53

I thought you meant just outside in general, in which case I’d say ok in a fenced garden with you in close earshot.

But out the front no way. I let mine ‘out’ at that age but only when I was sitting on the front step supervising - I live in a terrace that opens directly onto the pavement so within 3 feet of little one.

Bumble1830 · 09/08/2018 17:59

Never acceptable for a 3 yo to be playing outside unsupervised, jeez, I've only just let my 10 yo out alone.

Birdsgottafly · 09/08/2018 18:25

""I said I was concerned about the child's safety as this child is still in nappies and didn't believe they could have road sense if they couldn't tell they needed the toilet.""

That isn't always the case.

There's three year old who play out, with older Siblings, in my road, who are only partly supervised, but my GD joins them and between all the Families, there's enough of an eye being kept on them.

But it depends on the three year old and the road.

Lillabet · 09/08/2018 19:40

My 9yr old and 5 (nearly 6)yr old are allowed to play out on our cul de sac but only with their friends and their friend's Mum watches them or I do (plus the rest of the street watches out for them generally). My 3yr old isn't allowed out with them, much to his disgust he thinks it's unfair but he's not got any road sense or tricky people sense at all so it's just not going to happen. He is allowed in our back garden unsupervised as long as the gate is shut and locked usually but not at the moment as we have a load of honeysuckle berries I need to get rid of. I'd have a word with the parents, but if they're not going to stop their 3yr old playing in the street barely supervised then I would contact 101/the duty social worker.

Summerlovin24 · 10/08/2018 08:17

Definitely no. Watch your kids at that age. They get up to allsorts. Could wander off as well

usernotfound0000 · 10/08/2018 08:27

Nope, not at all. DD is 3.5 and is only allowed to play out when me or DH are there. There are other children of a similar age who play out with no supervision and I do judge it. The boy next door is 6 and still not allowed to play out unsupervised.

sar501 · 10/08/2018 09:18

Please report this ASAP to the duty social worker. Anything could happen.

isthistoonosy · 10/08/2018 12:54

Do people really not let their children play in their own fenced in gardens? Or do you mean you check on them every 5 min or so?

GothMummy · 10/08/2018 13:16

I would not let a 3 year old play out unsupervised not even in my fenced garden.

blueskiesandforests · 10/08/2018 13:52

In your own child proofed garden is fine. Any child protection thread inevitably brings out mainly sensible responses and a hand full of wildly over the top responses from people who missed the memo about the challenge of parenting being getting the balance right.

On threads about a 4 year old left home alone you'll get everyone agreeing that's too young, and some debate over what the right age is to leave a child home watching TV while you walk 100 meters down the road to the shop - perhaps 8 someone will say, 6 is fine if it's literally just a 100meter walk someone else might argue, others might err on the side of caution and say 10 even... Then along comes someone shouting that they have still never left their NT 15 year old even for a minute, and anyone who does is negligent, and the entire thread becomes nonsense.

I used to childmind - all my charges were under 2, but my risk assessment included earshot supervision with regular visual checks every few minutes of the small childproofed very secure garden whilst children had free movement between living room and garden through open French doors (so some children could be inside and some outside), and Ofsted approved that.

womaninatightspot · 10/08/2018 19:20

I'm twitchy about letting my twin 3yo play in the garden without me tbh. I'd pop inside with laundry for two minutes but that's my limit.

Rosetree7 · 10/08/2018 19:23

Never. Obviously.

Feckitall · 10/08/2018 20:20

I immediately thought of those public information films from the 1970s old gimmer

There was one about keeping under 5s inside...

Considering all the 'nanny state' stuff the media go on about I'm surprised these haven't been updated for todays society.. to educate the terminally stupid

And yes 3 is too young to be outside on the street playing...in a secure garden not an issue..

Mamabear4180 · 10/08/2018 21:56

My 3yo (and 2yo) play in the secure back and front gardens with just window supervision regularly, I have a bolt in the front gate and a wire mesh on the gate so no chance of them getting out and do regular checks and have doors open etc but not on the cul-d-sac. 3 is too young, 5 is debatable. It depends on roads nearby etc too.

Teateaandmoretea · 11/08/2018 06:55

We live on a tiny cul-de-sac and the kids play outside. I'm pretty sure when mine were 3 I sat outside all the time. Not everyone did though, SS is an overreaction here imo. I must admit I am equally by people who don't let their dc play in the garden or to go anywhere alone before 10 unless you live somewhere really busy or dangerous. Mine are now 6 and 9 - the younger one goes outside in the cul de sac with me watching on and off through the window. Older one goes and calls for friends who live further away to play, her friends have equal freedom.

Stranger danger has always been there - my dc have similar amounts of freedom to what I did in the 80s. The world is not more dangerous and there are risks with cooping kids up and never letting them out of your sight also I think. There were cars (more badly designed) when I was a child and you actually heard of more children going missing then not less.

Oysterbabe · 11/08/2018 07:12

Obviously it's way too young to be unsupervised.

I would have said that my shy 2.8 year old would never ever agree to go anywhere with a stranger. That is until a woman working in Specsavers asked her if she wanted a balloon and she happily trotted off to a back room with her holding her hand.

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