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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO WANT TO WANT TO SHAG

28 replies

peanutbutterclusters · 07/08/2018 21:12

AIBU to ask on tips to increase my sex drive? I used to want sex all the time, however my sex drive has rapidly slowed down? HELPPPPP

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 07/08/2018 21:14

I need mine to slow down so I’m not feeling so narky with my DP all the time.. 😩

Could you have some ‘quality time’ on your own just to get to know yourself a bit again?

ArmySal · 07/08/2018 21:17

Sex topic is that way ➡️➡️

Original poster
peanutbutterclusters · 07/08/2018 21:18

I have lots of 'quality time' hehe. however when there is a time where DP is in the mood (all the time) i'm just not feeling it? i dont understand?

OP posts:
insertsomethingwitty · 07/08/2018 21:19

Have you changed your contraception? I've been on ones before that totally killed my sex drive.

LeroyJenkins · 07/08/2018 21:20

i think the op is wanting to actually feel like having sex more than 'rather have a nice cup of tea'

how old are you op?

Xenia · 07/08/2018 21:21

Does it matter to you? Does it annoy your partner? It may not be a problem at all.

or if it is getting down to 8 -9 stone, exercising every day and cutting out junk food probably helps and getting a lot of sleep

Original poster
peanutbutterclusters · 07/08/2018 21:24

Leroy, you're right I want to want it, rather than feeling like 'i better do it tonight, its been a while'
and I'm 23, which is why i feel like i should want it more

OP posts:
Original poster
peanutbutterclusters · 07/08/2018 21:27

xenia DP does have a high sex drive so sometimes it is hard to keep up, however it doesn't seem to annoy him. Lots of sleep would help, im usually always tired when it comes round. thank you.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 07/08/2018 21:31

Maybe try again sting things with zinc in? Or take a supplement. I don't know if that works for women, or even works at all. You probably shouldn't listen to me.

Although you could go to the gp and ask for your hormones to be checked.

How are your periods/cycles?

Eliza9917 · 07/08/2018 21:32

Eating not again stings, bloody autocorrect!

Original poster
peanutbutterclusters · 07/08/2018 21:35

Eliza docs seems like a good idea- i have been putting it off due to nerves/being shy, but its time I 'woman up'. And cycles are very normal 4-6 days on and same time each month.

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 07/08/2018 21:42

@LeroyJenkins

I’m not sure if your post was in response to mine, but if it was... I don’t think you interpreted ‘quality time’ as I meant it. I certainly wasn’t talking about tea...

NellMangel · 07/08/2018 21:46

If you find out, then let me know. I never feel in the mood.

I suspect it's hormones cos when I was pregnant I thought about sex all the time. But dunno how to broach it with doctor, or what they'd do to sort it.

PolkaHots · 07/08/2018 21:50

New partner?

Always works for me.

chipsandgin · 07/08/2018 21:51

Blimey - random advice about getting down to 8/9 stone! That would put me squarely in the middle of the dangerously underweight category (literally 3 squares left into the underweight category on the BMI chart, nearly off the scale!), and make me skin and bone, definitely not sexy! I am presuming that poster meant "a weight you feel sexy and comfortable and confident at' - whatever that may be, if indeed you have any weight issues or if that affects your libido".

Exercise is a good call though and if you are tired all the time at 23 have a look at potential thyroid issues maybe?

Tinkobell · 07/08/2018 21:52

Don't worry about it OP. Just scoff an iced bun instead. Same feel good effects. 😁

Singlenotsingle · 07/08/2018 21:53

That's the answer polkahots. All change!

Rebecca36 · 07/08/2018 21:53

Why worry about it? It's perfectly normal for sexual desire to wax and wane. At different times in our lives we have different needs is all.

Original poster
peanutbutterclusters · 07/08/2018 21:57

I agree about the Iced bun Tinko :')
and you could be right Rebecca- I still have sex, my desire is just a lot lower at this point in my life- thank you.

OP posts:
Graphista · 07/08/2018 21:57

Have you recently come off contraception? Because there's some evidence that being on it interferes with our natural attraction responses meaning you could think you were attracted to your partner while on it and then come off it and your body realises actually nah!

That happened to me (I shoulda listened!) and it was a real effort to feel in the mood when ttc.

I didn't learn about this phenomenon until after ex and I split. Would've explained a lot!

Original poster
peanutbutterclusters · 07/08/2018 22:06

graphista i think this is what I suspected all along (not being attracted to DP). Not necessarily what I wanted to hear, but I think what i needed to hear :(

OP posts:
Graphista · 07/08/2018 22:47

A pp on another thread said that's the magic of mn

You may not get the advice you want but you'll get the advice you NEED.

How long have you been together? You're very young if I were you I'd do some soul searching and see if this is the right relationship for you before making any long term decisions like marriage or babies or buying a house.

Eliza9917 · 08/08/2018 13:10

@chipsandgin Tue 07-Aug-18 21:51:34
Blimey - random advice about getting down to 8/9 stone! That would put me squarely in the middle of the dangerously underweight category (literally 3 squares left into the underweight category on the BMI chart, nearly off the scale!), and make me skin and bone, definitely not sexy! I am presuming that poster meant "a weight you feel sexy and comfortable and confident at' - whatever that may be, if indeed you have any weight issues or if that affects your libido".

Exercise is a good call though and if you are tired all the time at 23 have a look at potential thyroid issues maybe?

Weight can affect your libido, as it messes with your hormones. Fat cells hold on to oestrogen and it can throw everything out of whack.

Stephisaur · 08/08/2018 13:21

@peanutbutterclusters does he do enough to GET you in the mood?

Obviously not forcing himself upon you, but there should be some build up. He can't just tap you on the shoulder and expect you to want it.

chipsandgin · 08/08/2018 14:14

@Eliza9917 I totally agree - it was only the specifying weight thing that was odd, it's not advisable to recommend (as the pp did) that getting down to 8/9 stone is a good idea when you don't know the OP's height or body type. I was a personal trainer and my absolute minimum weight to stay within recommended guidelines, have an ideal body fat percentage of 20% and a BMI of 20.8 is 11 stone - and I'd still within the healthy range at 13 stone. If I were 8 stone for example my BMI would be 15 and I'd look skeletal - at risk of osteoporosis, periods stopping etc. - you never know whether you are talking to someone with an eating disorder, that was all!