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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a thank you

37 replies

Gatecrasher61 · 07/08/2018 20:38

Is it no longer fashionable to say thank you for a wedding gift? I posted on here a couple of years ago after we went to a wedding and didn't get a thank you for our gift. Well it has happened again. This time we gave money as that was what was the request. We put hard cash in the envelope with the card and made sure we gave it to the couple personally, so no chance it went missing.

It has been two months, and no thank you, verbal or written. Is this normal now?

OP posts:
DoneDisappeared · 07/08/2018 20:41

I think the etiquette is one year to send thank you notes for a wedding.

(But in my experience, it's about half and half for formal thank yous v. informal texts)

MagicMojito · 07/08/2018 20:51

What? They didn't even say thankyou as you handed over the envelope? Shock rude.

multivac · 07/08/2018 20:52

Oral or written. That is still normal.
#helpfulface

Strongmummy · 07/08/2018 20:54

Did they thank you when you gave them the card personally? If so, why do you need another acknowledgement. If not, they’re rude.

Personally I am really not bothered about receiving a thank you card. It just goes in the bin anyway

Peachpebbles · 07/08/2018 20:55

It's awful. I couldn't attend a wedding last year so sent a gift and to this day there's been no mention of it. Not even a text. It seems thanking people 'properly' is a thing of the past.

AFigTree · 07/08/2018 20:55

Written thank yous should be sent.

Smurfy23 · 07/08/2018 20:57

I've always been given thank you cards...

Perhaps send them a text "just checking you received our gift as was worried it had gotten lost."....?

IceCreamFace · 07/08/2018 20:58

I think it's normal to say thank you as you give them the gift (if you physically hand it to them) and also to say a personal thank you having opened the gift (so you know what you're actually thanking them for). I agree that it's rude not to. Wedding gifts you generally get a longer grace period though as there are so many people to thank.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 07/08/2018 20:59

I'm going to be slaughtered if I ever get married. I'm terrible for sending thank you cards....
Would a thank you text or email do?

AFigTree · 07/08/2018 21:02

Albus

No, it really wouldn’t. It’s boring to do but written thank yous are the only way here. Verbal thanks is definitely not enough either. Your wedding is a special day so best to end it on a good note. Lots of people have a personalised card with a wedding photo on the cover. That’s a nice touch.

redcarbluecar · 07/08/2018 21:03

I'd expect a thank you for a wedding gift (even if just a text or whatever) but they can take longer than 2 months.

PitchBlackNight · 07/08/2018 21:12

I think it’s rude and lazy not to send a thank you note for a wedding gift. I’m not that fussed about thank you notes for other things but I think it’s important for wedding gifts. I think they should be sent within a couple of months.

Alba. Would you also be ‘terrible’ at providing a gift list. 🤔

BlueEyedPersephone · 07/08/2018 21:12

Given photos can take up to 3 months to get, if they want to use on the card, I would give them at least another month before making an assumption

ClashCityRocker · 07/08/2018 21:13

We did written thank yous - although it took us a couple of months.

One tip that was useful was to write down who gave what as you opened it so you can personalise the thank yous.

Actually, maybe if we'd just done a generic 'thank you for your gift' we might have got them out sooner than two months later...

ShatnersBassoon · 07/08/2018 21:18

It was put into their hand, and they presumably thanked you at that moment. Why is a follow-up thanks needed? I'm not very good at formal communications.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 07/08/2018 21:38

A gift list? Yes i would be terrible at that. Can I ask for money instead. Politely obviously. I'm not that rude or lazy...

MadeForThis · 07/08/2018 21:42

I did a generic Thank You card. Everyone got them. Said thanks for gifts and kind wishes.

Haven't been to a wedding in the last 5 years where I have received one. Wouldn't really expect one.

Bluelady · 07/08/2018 21:44

We've just got at thank you from a wedding on 12 May. Yes, I do think a written note is just plain good manners, unfortunately those seem to be a pretty rare commodity.

AFigTree · 07/08/2018 21:51

BMadeForThis

This must be a cultural thing. I don’t think I’ve ever attended a wedding where written thank yous were not sent. It sounds like it’s different elsewhere or among different social groups in that case.

My DH’s family is particularly thank you card obsessed. Everyone sends or gives them, even when thank yous are said in person when the gift is opened in front of the gift giver. Makes for a lot of unnecessary work afterwards! I’d love to drop that custom but it’s important to my MIL and I want to stay in her good books.

jazzyfizzles · 07/08/2018 22:13

I waited until we had our professional wedding photos back and sent out personalised thank you cards, maybe that's the case here too?

Stephisaur · 07/08/2018 22:30

We had written thank yous out within 6 weeks (prioritised the ones for family we were seeing and then sent the rest by post).

It’s lazy and rude not to give thanks of SOME kind. Doesn’t have to be a fancy card.

Lalalalalolololololo · 07/08/2018 22:50

It’s totally vulgar not to send a written thank you note specific to the guest and gift, but doesn’t seem uncommon having been to a few weddings recently. I am quite anal about that sort of thing though and even think it’s rude not to send a quick thank you text for a birthday card.

We had ours out within a couple of weeks of returning from honeymoon.

Shopkinsdoll · 07/08/2018 22:54

We couldn’t make it to a wedding a year ago, bought them a gift from their wedding list. Not even a thanks. So rude!!!

AnExcellentUsername · 07/08/2018 22:58

I think thank you cards are bit antiquated now but not even sending a text or facebook message if you can't thank them in person is a bit rude.. they really didn't say anything when you gave them your gift?

Original poster
Gatecrasher61 · 08/08/2018 20:00

The cash was in the envelope with the card. They didn't open it, but we told them not to lose it! They did say thank you, but that was before they had opened it. Maybe they thought £200 wasn't enough.

Oh and this was the OHs niece and we were invited to just the evening do.

OP posts: