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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a mix of relief and guilt for my kids going into holiday club?

37 replies

betterthanbutter · 07/08/2018 18:56

I am off from work this week. 2 DC, 10 and 8. Eldest has ASD.

I offered for them to go into a holiday club for 2 days this week, and they have agreed. I didn’t pressure them into doing it, and they are excited about the activities they have chosen.

But I feel REALLY guilty. Like if I’m off from work, the kids should be with me. But I’m also SO in need of a break from them. I’ll have a 2.5 week stretch of them with me with no break (I’m a single mum), and with the eldest with ASD I find it stressful and tiring.

AIBU to send them?

OP posts:
Cuppaorwine · 07/08/2018 18:58

Of course not. Enjoy the break.

Alienspaceship · 07/08/2018 18:58

It sounds perfect Smile they’re excited about their activities and you get a well deserved break. Relax and enjoy it.

donajimena · 07/08/2018 18:59

Goodness no. Happy mum equals happy children.

formerbabe · 07/08/2018 19:00

Sounds perfect...everyone's happy...job done. I'm so jealous...I'd give my right arm for two days peace and quiet.

PooFlower · 07/08/2018 19:00

Not at all, if they are happy to go.
Dd loves stuff like that, I don't send her because I am at home and can't justify the expense but she would be made up if I did.

Merryoldgoat · 07/08/2018 19:02

YABVU to feel in any way guilty.

My son (also ASD) has been twice a week last week, will go twice this week and next.

He likes it and I have SOME downtime. They’re a blessing!

IStillDrinkCava · 07/08/2018 19:17

You're pacing yourself. It sounds like a good idea to me.

We are doing similar with our son, who's also autistic. We work so hard to keep activities successful for him and keep him able to go to new places etc. He'll gain a lot more from the opportunity than he would from an extra couple of days at home.

Knittedfairies · 07/08/2018 19:20

I would say that yours is a completely normal reaction!

twoshedsjackson · 07/08/2018 19:25

They will have a great time and come back to a cheerful mum with recharged batteries; I call that a result! You'll care for them better when you've cared for yourself!

boatyardblues · 07/08/2018 19:27

I used to feel like this after I had DS1 if booked a day’s leave and put him in nursery so I could go back to bed and sleep. Then I realised it was saving my sanity & it was in the vein of first aid, where you first have to save yourself. Enjoy your days off - decompression time for you is important too.

hiddeneverything · 07/08/2018 19:32

They'll want time away from you and mixing with other kids too x

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 07/08/2018 19:37

Two days a week for the next two weeks here, too! It's a Godsend - they're happy, playing with new children and grown ups they feel confident with, come home muddy and tired and full of stories, and I get some achingly-needed rest and a chance to have a wee without constant company! I would have loved holiday club as a child, no guilt here!

Original poster
betterthanbutter · 07/08/2018 19:48

Then I realised it was saving my sanity & it was in the vein of first aid, where you first have to save yourself. Enjoy your days off - decompression time for you is important too

Thank you. This is just what I needed to hear, and I know it’s true as well. I do need some time to reset myself. I can feel myself getting more and more irritable as the days go by, and I hate it.

I really hope they enjoy it and that it doesn’t lead to a meltdown from DS1, because he can find change difficult. The good thing is that they are going together, which I think will benefit them both.

OP posts:
Original poster
betterthanbutter · 07/08/2018 19:48

I never went to a holiday club as a child, which is probably part of the guilt!

OP posts:
Racoon100 · 07/08/2018 19:48

Sounds like you both win, the DC get to do fun activities and you get a rest!

Original poster
betterthanbutter · 08/08/2018 11:15

They went in happily enough, but I feel so guilty I’m not even enjoying the break.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 08/08/2018 18:18

They went in happily enough, but I feel so guilty I’m not even enjoying the break

It's a holiday club, not a North Korean prison camp! I hope you enjoyed the break eventually!

Original poster
betterthanbutter · 08/08/2018 18:37

It's a holiday club, not a North Korean prison camp! I hope you enjoyed the break eventually!

Haha, I know! They came out saying they had enjoyed it, but DS1 is on edge and saying he isn’t sure about going in tomorrow. Which is fine if he doesn’t want to. I just hope it doesn’t trigger a meltdown, otherwise that would be totally counterproductive!

I spent most of the day doing chores 🙄 bit at least the house looks a bit better now and I got through my enormous pile of ironing!

OP posts:
ILikeyourHairyHands · 08/08/2018 19:18

Goodness no! DD has ASD and much as I love her it does us both good to spend time apart, she just spent a week at pony camp 9-5 and it was great for her, she built confidence and I was able to spend time with DS without having to think about her needs, which is important for him too.

MissionItsPossible · 08/08/2018 20:20

@betterthanbutter
I never went to a holiday club as a child, which is probably part of the guilt!

I’m 32 now and I LOVED kids holiday club when I was between age from around 7 to 10 and they were my favourite weeks out of the six weeks holiday! Don’t feel guilty 👍🏽

formerbabe · 08/08/2018 20:58

I spent most of the day doing chores 🙄 bit at least the house looks a bit better now and I got through my enormous pile of ironing!

This is exactly what I do when I get time to myself!

Ivorbig1 · 08/08/2018 21:32

Yab v u to feel remotely guilty, enjoy some peace and quiet.

hibbledibble · 08/08/2018 22:56

Don't feel guilty. There is no reason to: they will enjoy it, and you will too.

I put my eldest in sports camp today even though I wasn't working as she enjoys it, and I had enough of her fighting with her sisters. Money well spent!

Stupomax · 08/08/2018 23:20

When I was a teen my stepmum, after 5 weeks of coping with 5 of us (I had a lot of siblings) put me and my next sister down in the local summer camp.

We loved it so much.

Wish she'd done it all summer frankly.

The squash/tennis instructor especially made it particularly special.

ThatchersCold · 08/08/2018 23:25

Don’t feel bad! I’m sending mine to a (very expensive) activity holiday for a week and buggering off to Spain with the bf next week (single parent here too).

I need the break - am a full time parent the other 51 weeks of the year.

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