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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu re queue for the toilet?

51 replies

ShadyLady53 · 07/08/2018 17:37

I don’t think I WBU but i’m second guessing myself!

I was in a shop this morning with an in store cafe and toilets attached. There is only one cubicle/toilet for women and one for men.

I’d been in town for a medical appointment and this was the nearest shop/cafe. Sorry if this is tmi but I’ve been in agony overnight with what appears to be a ruptured ovarian cyst...I’ve also been having kidney trouble so I’m in a bit of a mess with my waterworks. Whilst at the cafe, I had urgency to go to the toilet and was concerned about bleeding heavily too. Despite this, I don’t think I look particularly ill and it’s not obvious that there is anything amiss to look at me.

When I got to the toilets, there was one lady in front of me as someone was already in the ladies. We were both waiting for just over five minutes when another lady came into the “holding” space for both loos with her child (aged maybe 2.5) and stood behind me. It turns out that they knew the lady in front of me (I’m guessing it was mother and daughter). They were having a conversation over me about how there was only one toilet...sort of like “oh no! There’s only one toilet. Oh, I might have to go somewhere else. I bet there’s only one baby changing mat and it’s in the ladies” etc etc.

I was standing with my legs crossed, probably a bit focussed on my own situation due to the pain and worrying about bleeding everywhere (it had stopped this morning but started again). This conversation went on for a bit with the lady with the child repeating “I’ll have to go to another place then if there is only one baby change.” but never actually leaving. The lady in front of me went into the toilet and then the mother of the child started saying to the child “there’s only one toilet for changing your nappy. We have to wait.” in quite a loud, anxious type voice. The child was being very well behaved and didn’t appear distressed or anything like that. Eventually the woman turned to me and said, “You should really just use the men’s, shouldn’t you?” pointing at the door.

I smiled and politely said, “I really need to use the facilities in the ladies unfortunately”. I didn’t want to explain what was happening and thought that explanation would suffice without going into tmi. What I meant was that the men’s didn’t have a bin for disposing of sanitary waste and (having been in this situation when I was on my period once), I didn’t want to have to carry bloody waste through the cafe and ask the kitchen staff to get rid of it or start looking round town for a bin. She looked at me like I had two heads.

The first lady came out and held the door open as if she was holding it for the woman with the child (I.e the woman behind me in the queue). As I was next in the queue, I just walked in, shut the door and was out as soon as physically possible...probably about 3 mins. I held the door open for the woman and child, smiled and said “here you go” and got a filthy look from her.

I don’t have children of my own but it seems like this lady felt that because she had to do a nappy change I should have let her go in front. In the past I have let those with children who appeared desperate for the loo ahead of me in the queue but on this occasion I didn’t...WIBU? Is there an unwritten rule that you should let people with kids go first or am I overthinking things? I seemed to have caused offence and genuinely don’t know if it was a case of me being rude or a bit of CFery and I don’t want to make a faux pas in future.

OP posts:
MissP103 · 07/08/2018 17:42

Yanbu you were in a queue and she could wait. Besides the child was in a nappy, hardly going to wet herself. I wouldnt expect anyone to make me a priority with my ds just because he is a baby.

EduCated · 07/08/2018 17:42

YANBU. In a ‘notmal’ situation I would possibly consider allowing them in first to be nice, but it certainly shouldn’t be expected and especially not if you’ve said you need to use the facilities in the ladies (and let’s face it, you’d have to be a bit useless not to catch on to what you meant by that).

Homemadearmy · 07/08/2018 17:50

It all sounds a bit odd. Surely if she knew the woman in front it you and she felt it was more urgent she changed her child, she would have swapped places with her and that woman could have gone in the men’s.
Honestly you didn’t do anything wrong.

Bluelady · 07/08/2018 17:53

Was the men's in use? If not I'd have just used that one.

SadTrombone · 07/08/2018 17:53

@Homemadearmy excellent point! Why didnt her friend / mum / whoever switch places with her?!
Definitely no wrongdoing on your part OP. Outright CFery from nappy woman.

Petalflowers · 07/08/2018 17:54

You did nothing wrong. The mother was wrong to be hinting that they should have priority.

Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 07/08/2018 17:57

Homemadearmy that is a really good point! In all fairness nappy woman needed the change facilities and I needed the sanitary pad bin but, unless there was a need I don’t know about, it’s likely the older woman with them (60s/70s) could have used the men’s.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 07/08/2018 17:58

Thanks everyone, I feel assured I didn’t do something wrong now. I’d genuinely hate to offend!

OP posts:
MyParentsSuck · 07/08/2018 17:59

Yanbu unless possibly child was only just toilet trained and couldn't hold it / likely to wee on the floor... nappies can wait!

QuestionableMouse · 07/08/2018 18:05

I'm not saying you should have, but you could have used them men's and then give back into the ladies to put any waste in the bin.

RB68 · 07/08/2018 18:08

Not if you have to come out into the cafe and then go into the single loo for ladies - they often don't have a waiting or sink area for single loos just a door in and out

ReservoirDogs · 07/08/2018 18:09

I'm not saying you should have, but you could have used them men's and then give back into the ladies to put any waste in the bin.

That's right - she could have come out holding the soiled sanpro in her hands and waited in public to go in! Don't be daft!

cchristie1936 · 07/08/2018 18:10

In five years when all of the toilets are unisex (shudder!) it won't matter as they will all have bins and baby changing facilities. I know that doesn't help you now, but you weren't BU anyway.

Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 07/08/2018 18:12

@Questionablemouse I understand but then I would have had to queue again to get back into the ladies, standing part in the cafe holding the waste or I would have had to ask if I could push in front of someone to throw the stuff in the bin (and have to explain myself). A lot of faff when I was next in the queue for the ladies anyway!

OP posts:
Notmany · 07/08/2018 18:12

YANBU the child wasn't in any distress so regardless of your condition they should have waited. The men's loo is for men.

QuestionableMouse · 07/08/2018 18:13

@ReservoirDogs

I'm not being daft, just offering another idea. Well wrapped pads are easy to stick in your bag if needed until a bin is available.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 07/08/2018 18:13

Why was it OP who had to use the men's?

The lady with the child could have done that, too, in that case?

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/08/2018 18:16

Why couldn’t you wrap the pad up it toilet roll and just stick it on your bag. I am really heavy and use huge pads but still do that where necessary .

Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 07/08/2018 18:16

cchristie - I was wondering what a single father would have been expected to do! It was a well know British store...pretty disappointed that they haven’t moved with the times. Even my ancient church with a massive elderly congregation and hardly any families has a unisex toilet with a baby change unit.

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/08/2018 18:17

They were being entitled... You take priority

EduCated · 07/08/2018 18:18

OP could have wrapped the pads if necessary, but it wasn’t necessary because she was next in line for the toilet with the appropriate facilities.

crumbsinthecutlerydrawer · 07/08/2018 18:24

Yanbu, that’s how a queue works.

As an aside, I hate those parents that talk loudly through their child to you to show they want you to hurry up. Had this in a giftshop when ds was looking for fossils/polished stones or something to spend his money on and an impatient mum was practically standing on top of us saying loudly to her child “that other boy is looking at the (whatever they were) we can look next”, “he’ll be finished in a minute” etc she did this several times in the minute or so that we were there even though the child was 2(ish) and had no interest whatsoever, she could have taken him to look at something else whilst she was waiting rather than hurry us along.

Bramble71 · 07/08/2018 18:28

You were ahead of her in the queue, full stop. You were in great need. I'd even let you go ahead of me in the disabled loo, you were in such a state! Stop feeling bad. You were in no way BU.

safetyfreak · 07/08/2018 18:34

I find it sad you even have to post this thread to get confirmation you did the right thing. You did NOTHING wrong, even if you did not have a medical condition you would not have been in the wrong for going into the toilet before the child and the mother.

TedAndLola · 07/08/2018 18:34

Why couldn’t you wrap the pad up it toilet roll and just stick it on your bag. I am really heavy and use huge pads but still do that where necessary .

Because there was a toilet available with sanitary disposal facilities that meant the OP didn't need to carry blood-soaked pads around in her bag.

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