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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu re queue for the toilet?

51 replies

ShadyLady53 · 07/08/2018 17:37

I don’t think I WBU but i’m second guessing myself!

I was in a shop this morning with an in store cafe and toilets attached. There is only one cubicle/toilet for women and one for men.

I’d been in town for a medical appointment and this was the nearest shop/cafe. Sorry if this is tmi but I’ve been in agony overnight with what appears to be a ruptured ovarian cyst...I’ve also been having kidney trouble so I’m in a bit of a mess with my waterworks. Whilst at the cafe, I had urgency to go to the toilet and was concerned about bleeding heavily too. Despite this, I don’t think I look particularly ill and it’s not obvious that there is anything amiss to look at me.

When I got to the toilets, there was one lady in front of me as someone was already in the ladies. We were both waiting for just over five minutes when another lady came into the “holding” space for both loos with her child (aged maybe 2.5) and stood behind me. It turns out that they knew the lady in front of me (I’m guessing it was mother and daughter). They were having a conversation over me about how there was only one toilet...sort of like “oh no! There’s only one toilet. Oh, I might have to go somewhere else. I bet there’s only one baby changing mat and it’s in the ladies” etc etc.

I was standing with my legs crossed, probably a bit focussed on my own situation due to the pain and worrying about bleeding everywhere (it had stopped this morning but started again). This conversation went on for a bit with the lady with the child repeating “I’ll have to go to another place then if there is only one baby change.” but never actually leaving. The lady in front of me went into the toilet and then the mother of the child started saying to the child “there’s only one toilet for changing your nappy. We have to wait.” in quite a loud, anxious type voice. The child was being very well behaved and didn’t appear distressed or anything like that. Eventually the woman turned to me and said, “You should really just use the men’s, shouldn’t you?” pointing at the door.

I smiled and politely said, “I really need to use the facilities in the ladies unfortunately”. I didn’t want to explain what was happening and thought that explanation would suffice without going into tmi. What I meant was that the men’s didn’t have a bin for disposing of sanitary waste and (having been in this situation when I was on my period once), I didn’t want to have to carry bloody waste through the cafe and ask the kitchen staff to get rid of it or start looking round town for a bin. She looked at me like I had two heads.

The first lady came out and held the door open as if she was holding it for the woman with the child (I.e the woman behind me in the queue). As I was next in the queue, I just walked in, shut the door and was out as soon as physically possible...probably about 3 mins. I held the door open for the woman and child, smiled and said “here you go” and got a filthy look from her.

I don’t have children of my own but it seems like this lady felt that because she had to do a nappy change I should have let her go in front. In the past I have let those with children who appeared desperate for the loo ahead of me in the queue but on this occasion I didn’t...WIBU? Is there an unwritten rule that you should let people with kids go first or am I overthinking things? I seemed to have caused offence and genuinely don’t know if it was a case of me being rude or a bit of CFery and I don’t want to make a faux pas in future.

OP posts:
Yetanotherusername1 · 07/08/2018 18:34

No you were not being unreasonable. She doesn't take priority over you and it's totally unreasonable to insist you use the men's loos.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 07/08/2018 18:35

You didn’t do anything wrong 🌷

It was weird of the first woman to use the toilet and then indicate to the woman with the child to go in...I could have sort of understood it if she’d let her go in before her, but I’d have been cross about that in your situation.

If someone has a child that looks like they can’t wait I’ll let them go first, but not for a nappy change. My quick wee won’t hold them up that much and most people take ages to change a nappy.

She had no right to expect you to use the mens for her convenience, whether she understood what you meant or not. I’ll use the men’s in certain situations, but at times of MY choosing, not for the convenience of some rude cow waiting to do a nappy change.

...and not when I have a need to sit or sort myself out with period stuff as they’re generally minging.

As you were...don’t give it another thought. Hope you’re on the mend soon.

IStillDrinkCava · 07/08/2018 18:35

Another saying you were fine. Personally I probably wouldn't have bothered waiting, but you had your reasons which were none of her or my business.

My husband has always managed to change our children without needing the ladies', and between us we've done all sorts of ninja changes in weird places. I can only imagine this lady doesn't have much faith in blokes to manage these things (or in shops to put baby changers in the men's - it sounds like she didn't even look.)

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 07/08/2018 18:37

I woudln't really want to carry around flooded sanitary towels myself, I don't think the OP is odd for not wanting to do that. Confused

It would have made far more sense for the other person to change the baby in the men's.

ColumboHere · 07/08/2018 18:37

Some male toilets do have sanitary bins in them now. I know Tesco does. It might be worth poking your head in to have a look if you find yourself in that situation again.

tryagainsardines · 07/08/2018 18:39

haha bluelady

You're on top form today. Biscuit

Op, you didn't do anything wrong. Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 07/08/2018 18:45

Thanks everyone, I feel a lot better now and my mind is at ease.

I understand I could have just wrapped everything in loo roll and put it in my handbag but I had to dispose of Tena pants and soiled baby wipes and didn’t fancy having that all in a fairly new handbag, wrapped in loo roll or not. As pps have said, a nappy change wasn’t really an emergency and could wait 5 extra minutes.

Thanks to those with the well wishes also. I’m thankfully no longer in pain, just extremely tired and needing the loo every 20 mins! I’m at home though so there are no queueing dilemmas 😂.

OP posts:
SingingTunelessly · 07/08/2018 18:46

Errrm she really asked you to use the mens? Bizarre.

Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 07/08/2018 18:51

Colombo, thanks that’s really good to know. In this instance, I did see there was no bin when the gentleman who’d been in opened the door to leave. Nice to hear there are some more inclusive facilities in other loos, maybe more places will follow Tesco’s lead.

OP posts:
Hisnamesblaine · 07/08/2018 18:51

She was a entitled cheeky bitch! End of

tillytrotter1 · 07/08/2018 18:55

You're totally in the right, having a child isn't a get-anywhere-first card. Many years ago I was in the q for the loo, a woman came in, Oh, can my child go first, she's desperate!
Up piped the 'desperate' child, No Mummy, you need the toilet, not me!
She didn't even look embarrassed.

Aridane · 07/08/2018 18:58

I'm not saying you should have, but you could have used them men's and then give back into the ladies to put any waste in the bin.

No, just no

Rudgie47 · 07/08/2018 19:06

No YWNBU, the lady and child should have waited.
Also the lack of public toilets in this country is dreadfull. Pubs etc dont like it when you go in and dont buy a drink etc.

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/08/2018 19:15

That’s makes sense now op I use tena pads in the day double up with the pants and night and the pants are huge!

Duskqueen · 07/08/2018 19:16

If it was a small child that was potty trained, there is generally more call to offer them to go first in a situation like that, but a nappy wearing child, they have already done what they need to do and can wait 10 minutes to have their bum changed.

lljkk · 07/08/2018 19:18

Cutting in the queue was outrageous & she knew it. YANBU.

LyndorCake · 07/08/2018 19:28

Tbf, she didn't need to use the baby changing facilities. If she is desperate, she can change the baby on the floor. It's not great but we've all had to do it. I've had to change my baby in the boot of the car before. Didn't hurt him. They are a luxury, not essential. You needed the ladies facilities ie the San bin. A restaurant/cafe cannot (or should not) dispose of blood or any bodily fluids in a general bin, it has to be in a yellow hazard bag in a San bin which is then incinerated. You did nothing wrong. She was just making a fuss out of nothing

Lizzie48 · 07/08/2018 19:44

Not just a single father, OP. My DH has always taken our DDs out without me to give me a break, and taking them to the toilet has always been tricky. It's not a problem now that they are 9 and 6 and can go on their own. But it shouldn't be that difficult.

YANBU btw. I would never have expect to go ahead of anyone in the queue when waiting for the toilet with my DDs

cadburyegg · 07/08/2018 19:46

Wtf YANBU the lady was a selfish entitled mare. I have a nearly toilet trained 3 year old and a baby in nappies and I MIGHT ask if my desperate 3 year old could jump the queue but I wouldn’t expect it. No way would I ask to jump the queue to change a nappy. Confused

Housecoatdiva · 07/08/2018 19:50

I wouldn't give it a second thought. You were next in line end of!

ShumpaLumpa · 07/08/2018 20:06

Well wrapped pads are easy to stick in your bag if needed until a bin is available.

Boak

Maybe the woman with baby should have changed her baby on the floor in men's loo.

Kaykay06 · 07/08/2018 20:11

I’d have perhaps let a child busting for the toilet ahead of me, but not for a nappy change. I have a terrible bladder and after 4 kids it’s even worse so if I need to go I need to go now so no I’d have done the same in your shoes

Fabricwitch · 07/08/2018 20:15

YANBU.
Did she even check the men's or just exclaim that it probably wouldn't have changing facilities?! I know a lot of the cafes here have changing in both men's and women's toilets.

Hidillyho · 07/08/2018 20:18

Why couldn’t you wrap the pad up it toilet roll and just stick it on your bag. I am really heavy and use huge pads but still do that where necessary

But she didn’t need to, she was next in the queue!

Some people think they are bloody royalty just because they have kids. You needed the toilet, you were there first. No need to explain yourself.
Like in a supermarket when people let you in front as you only have one product - it’s nice if it happens but it shouldn’t be an expectation!

As other people have said, her ‘friend’ who was in front of you could have given up her spot and gone to the men’s but she didn’t. You did nothing wrong op

Lizzie48 · 07/08/2018 20:19

It's just so entitled to think you have the right to jump the queue, unless you have an emergency to deal with. And changing a nappy doesn't qualify. You were the one with the most need in this case, OP.

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