A WWYD/WIBU oh has messed up.

[PinkyU]

LONG............ I’m pretty furious at oh just now and I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t be, would you be?

Eldest dd is going to uni, she got her exam results through today and has accepted her place at her first choice YAAAY!!!!

We’re funding her throughout to enable her to not be in debt when she leaves, but that had to involve DD applying for a bursary (which she got) and OH applying for a bursary through his work.

Yep, you guessed it, he didn’t do it. It’s over £150 a month DD now doesn’t have. He’s pretty devastated as he says he misunderstood when he was supposed to apply, we had sat while I helped dd apply for her bursary back in May and he was supposed to be doing his one. At that time he said he wasn’t sure what to write so I told him to put XXXX university, he hummed and aaaah’d about it but never mentioned it again, so I assumed he had done what I’d said.

Today he is now telling me he thought he had to wait till her place was confirmed after her exam marks. The bursary application process closed in July.

I’m really angry, it’s a huge amount of money that we will need to create from somewhere now, DD is looking for work after being downsized from another job but is struggling to find something in a busy student city.

BUT oh is beside himself, feels awful and is giving himself a hard time. I’m having an internal struggle as to wether to comfort him as it was a (VERY stupid) mistake or to be honest and tell him how angry, disappointed and now very concerned I am.

Oh dear. Well there's no point getting angry with him, is there as he already knows. Much better to put all your energies into what you're going to do. Maybe contact the bursary people and see if they'd consider a late application? Or the uni to see if they have any suggestions? Good luck

Thanks KEEP, I’m just really annoyed that if he’d listened to be months ago we wouldn’t be in this position now. I know there’s no point in getting annoyed, he is genuinely pretty devastated as he knew we were pretty reliant on the money. I guess we’ll just have pour our energy in to re-evaluate our situation.

Make sure he takes the lead. What an absolute fool.

It’s fairly foolish not to take the loan unless she’s going to be an incredibly high earner, you could save her a house deposit or something equally useful.

I’m sure he is devastated but what is he doing about it? As other pp have said, he can contact a few people and explain/enquiry about options, but again it sounds like he’s waiting for you to sort it out for him. I’d be more sympathetic towards him if I could see he was actively trying to rectify the situation rather than sitting around feeling sorry for himself

Unfortunately fishface he tends to crumble under pressure, plus my confidence in his ability to see a task through is not too great currently.

Mvlipwig - we’re not paying her fees (we’re Scottish and she’s going to a Scottish uni so no fee expense) just her travel and living costs so she can avoid getting a student loan. Her earning potential post graduation will tip her over the repayment amount but will not leave her with a comfortable living amount.

Ultimately if she has to take a student loan then we’ll have no choice, we’d just hoped and had the potential that she wouldn’t have to leave uni with debt.

This year will be tough financially but on a positive note at least you can apply for the bursary next year.

I figured you were Scottish by the results day bit, even so the maintenance loan is still worth getting and it does sound like your DH made a genuine mistake. Can he apply for next year?

Thebluedog- he has sent an email but ultimately it’s likely too little too late, and as above my level of confidence in his ability to rectify the situation is fairly (and I think FAIRLY) low currently.

Unfortunately the conditions of the work bursary are set only for applicants for year one but pays for 4/5 years of the degree.

Mvlipwig - I think we’ll have to take that route, our finances have taken a hit already this year so without the bursary or a fairly large change in circumstances, the loan is going to be necessary.

It’s fairly foolish not to take the loan unless she’s going to be an incredibly high earner, you could save her a house deposit or something equally useful.

This, a million times. It makes me sad that there's so much misinformation out there and so some parents put themselves out of pocket for fear of a student loan.

Paying back a student loan will never significantly impact upon her life. If she earns just over the threshold the repayments will be really really tiny. It's just a graduate tax. The savings that could be gained from a few thousand extra on a house deposit are more significant.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loans-tuition-fees-changes/

Hope that can be of some reassurance!

(That is not to say you should be contributing to her house deposit- just that some parents would chose to do that instead. Most don't!)

My parents couldn't provide me with the option not to have debt (I still have £18k debt, over 10 years after graduation) but they have shown me examples of loving behaviour and forgiveness.

Which is more important to give your child?

I have to be honest I use to nail down other half & say sign here -for everything cos he always puts things off- bossy cow maybe but better than the alternative. Looks like husband is going to do overtime - why not ring university I have a feeling (maybe wrong) you might be able to claim for next term?

I would never struggle financially so my dc could avoid a student loan. It’s what they are for.

Ugh i really feel for you. Is he generally competent? Or are you just sick to death of being responsible for everything?

God - he sounds utterly incompetent.

Another incompetent husband alert....

If he's giving himself a hard time anyway and he genuinely made a mistake (rather than just been lazy) I think you should let it go. Being annoyed at him won't change anything.

It is really frustrating but If he genuinely misunderstood what you can you do and what does being angry achieve, sounds like he already feels bad about it

Don’t get annoyed at him but don’t comfort him either. He definitely needs to take the burden of this one.

My OH is rather unsure and wooly headed about this kind of stuff and I can totally see him doing something similar.

Really sorry I have no advice you OP- at least your daughter has taken after you!

Can she take a year out, work for a year and build up savings, maybe travel a bit too and then he can apply for it for next year?

And yes, I’d be annoyed.

Take the maintenance loan and be glad that she unfairly gets free tuition because your area is overly and unfairly subsidised by the rest of us so her debt is much lower than most others.

Let your daughter get a student loan.
The term is misleading. Its not a loan at all. Its a graduate tax which she will only have to pay after finishing college and if she earns more than 21000. It is not debt in the traditional sense - doesn't go on your credit record, doesn't get collected when you are ill/pregnant/out of work. People are fixated about it, but they needn't be. Its not a debt
If you want to help her out give her a bit extra.
And yes, your husband is an idiot

In fact if I ran a bursary scheme I'd specifically exclude the Scottish from applying due to the unfairness.

I’m afraid I agree with user! I have little sympathy for the Scots and the Welsh in this situation. It’s unbelievably unfair and can only imagine the riot it would cause if the boot were on the other foot.