A WWYD/WIBU oh has messed up.

[PinkyU]

LONG............ I’m pretty furious at oh just now and I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t be, would you be?

Eldest dd is going to uni, she got her exam results through today and has accepted her place at her first choice YAAAY!!!!

We’re funding her throughout to enable her to not be in debt when she leaves, but that had to involve DD applying for a bursary (which she got) and OH applying for a bursary through his work.

Yep, you guessed it, he didn’t do it. It’s over £150 a month DD now doesn’t have. He’s pretty devastated as he says he misunderstood when he was supposed to apply, we had sat while I helped dd apply for her bursary back in May and he was supposed to be doing his one. At that time he said he wasn’t sure what to write so I told him to put XXXX university, he hummed and aaaah’d about it but never mentioned it again, so I assumed he had done what I’d said.

Today he is now telling me he thought he had to wait till her place was confirmed after her exam marks. The bursary application process closed in July.

I’m really angry, it’s a huge amount of money that we will need to create from somewhere now, DD is looking for work after being downsized from another job but is struggling to find something in a busy student city.

BUT oh is beside himself, feels awful and is giving himself a hard time. I’m having an internal struggle as to wether to comfort him as it was a (VERY stupid) mistake or to be honest and tell him how angry, disappointed and now very concerned I am.

Student loans really are the most affordable loan she'll ever be eligible for - its not that when she goes over the threshold she'll pay a % of the total wage, she will only pay a % of whats over the threshold. Everything up to the threshold is excluded from the repayment amount. There's also the ability to defer if necessary.

I’m erring on the side of just letting it be what it is, an unfortunate mistake.

Yes, honestly he can need some hand holding for things that are just general “adulting” type tasks but then I can also (though not with this extreme outcome). I think I’m just annoyed as this would normally be the type of task I’d oversee but didn’t this time, so perhaps feeling a little annoyed at myself also.

I hugely appreciate the advice to look further into the student loan situation, on actually looking at it, it does seem less “scary debt” like than I’d anticipated. I’m feeling a little less reticent about DD applying, in a way I suppose it promotes a degree of responsibility and independence being entirely responsible for the spenditure of said money and its repayment, which is ultimately part of adult life (re mortgage etc). I feel that’s a fairly decent attempt at finding a silver lining(?)

USER - Aye, ‘cause uv git time tae deal wi your pish ya fanny.

Agree with loads of PPs. She should get the student loan and invest it if she doesn't need to spend it, or spend it if she does. The repayments will not impact her negatively significantly, but having a house deposit after investing the loans wisely (for example) will be really positive. Don't have her get them if she'll waste them on booze and living the high life through university tho.

One off - yes right to be annoyed but let it go if one off.

Something that keeps happening? Right to be annoyed. however bit off you didn’t chase if he has form for this

I imagine she is doing a healthcare or other in-demand course if there's a bursary and she had to wait for a conditional? Sometimes there are additional bursaries made available in the middle of the academic year that she could look into.

Do you know how much loan she'd be eligible for? The non-means tested proportion isn't enormous but is worth taking out if it would help her. She wouldn't have to use it all and might be able to make some savings for after she graduates.

Otherwise yes your DH is a twit. I'd be expecting him to apologise to your DD

I’d consider a deferred year for her, but she’s mentaly already bought her textbooks and half way through the year such is her excitement.

She’s got a level head and I’m sure would be (boringly) responsible with a student loan, I’m feeling more confident that that is the best way forward.

YANBU in thinking your husband is an idiot and yes, this is entirely his doing and no, it's not too much to ask a GROWN MAN to fill in a form at his place of work that he has himself said he will do.

YABU in thinking that a student loan is some kind of scary grown up debt. It's pie in the sky, meaningless. You take it out and you don't have to 'be responsible for paying it back', it just comes out of your wages automatically when you reach the threshold for repayments. It is literally nothing like a mortgage or a personal loan.

Student loans are not so bad, SAAS is about £4,500 a year. By the time she finishes University she won't have to start paying it back until she's earning over £25,000.

We pay our DC's accommodation, give them handouts and they all get SAAS.

Lonly - please feel free to start another Aibu post about your feelings towards the Scots and Welsh, but I’d really rather keep my own post helpful and respectful as it has been thus far.

Rubiks - you’re right, I should have really taken the time to understand the premise of a student loan. Having had no experience of any loans or debts (other than our mortgage), not even a credit card due to basically being brought up to believe they are the work of the devil and if you get into any debt your life will come crashing down around you (VERY dramatic parents) I see loan and think avoid.

I’m massively grateful (and a little embarrassed at my ignorance) for the time people have taken to highlight the difference in what a student loan is, I’m looking over the links posted and reading up on the government and university websites.

Caoraich - she is doing a STEM course, I’m not sure if she may be eligible for midway funding, but I’ll definitely look into it. Thank you.

My dd needs to get the loan to pay her accommodation. We sat in a very good SAAS talk at the uni which made a lot of sense.

A friend regrets not applying last year for her son as she had a bond. But she says looking back take the loan even if it sits in an account for a year or so.

My Dd will have to get a job. Our circumstances changed a few years back and financing uni wasn't allowed to be in our budget anymore.

Sometimes things are they way they are and we need to deal with it.

She won’t be the only person with a student loan; she’ll be fine as she’s got a level-head. I’d be hugely annoyed in your situation too, but your husband will be feeling pretty stupid right now, so saying anything to him about his dilatory behaviour won’t help....

Congratulation to your daughter!👏

Yes along with other posters I say let her get the loan,
Repayments are SO small.

If you won’t do it that way and DD will be out of pocket £150 a month because your husband messed up (I know this seems harsh) but I would be advising him that his way to make this right is to earn the additional £150 per month to give DD.

It’s not right that he’s affecting DDs finances at a time when she’s fairly vulnerable. He has to make this right.

Hi pinky, just wanted to tell you about my experience so you'll hopefully feel more at ease. I studied in England and applied for tuition fees and student loan. I also worked through uni and having the maintenance loan helped so much in taking a lot of pressure off. However i grew up in a very working class ex mining village and non of my parents had any debt (or much income!) But put the fear of god into me regarding credit cards and debt. So this was something I was so worried about.

When I qualified. I was able to live on my own in Cambridge earning 28k (not a lot considering the living costs!) But I got by and having a job I loved made it worth it. I didn't begrudge paying my loan either. I've since moved to Scotland and started a family meaning I earn just under the threshold to pay back my loan (for now!) Because i work less hours. It's never been something that's bothered me. I think in this day and age, debts are non negotiable but it's how we manage them that matters.

Having that extra bit of money meant I didn't have to stress as much at an already stressful time.

OP I graduated with £17k debt and the amount you pay back honestly isn't noticeable because of the way the payments work. I've just finished paying it back (15 years after graduating) and most of that was in the last few years when I finally started earning a high wage with a bonus that also had loan taken out of it. Many of my friends are still paying it back and no one sees it as real debt like you would a mortgage etc.. Definitely consider her getting one please don't scrimp and save to avoid it

Take the loan, repayments are tiny and will fall in line with her wages, even if she falls under the threshold at any point in future employment she can still pay a nominal amount each month to keep her yearly fees in check (approx £150ish). A break from repayments can be asked for at a point if needed. It might seem like a lot of money but it'll never register as a 'debt'. I still have repayment outstanding after studying 8yrs ago (older student) and it's not impacted on anything

I'm having flashbacks to that thread where the OP's husband failed to submit their DS's application for a grammar school on time, despite having told her that he had.

I did think that you were brave as a Scot to post this bearing in mind the majority of posters on here are English and will have kids with £45K plus debt.

If it is £150 a month will your daughter be able to get holiday jobs to cover this if she wishes to stay debt free?

Agree with pps. Apply for the loan, stick it in savings and she’ll have £10k+ to start life as a graduate. Student loan isn’t counted as debt for mortgages, she could be on the property ladder before she’s 25 if she earns an average salary.

That said it doesn’t help with your current predicament- what a pain.

I wouldn't trust that student loan repayment procedures will remain the same in future years. Certainly anyone who has had a loan from the saas in the late 90s will remember the loan being sold on to a debt collection company.
Also they do impact on mortgage affordability as well.

My husband and I both had student loans when the repayment threshold was £15k. He has almost paid his off within 8 years, but we don't notice it missing from his pay. It's taken pre-tax. In contrast, because of the industry I work in i've always earned below £15k (not through lack of trying to earn more!) and haven't paid a penny back yet. It might never get paid back unfortunately.

It impacts on our lives in no way at all. We have bought a house and two cars that we had to be credit checked for and I don't think it even registered on the credit scores.

Take the student loan!

My DM told me not to take the student loan, wish I hadn't listened and saved it instead, I'd have had a house deposit by the time I left and the amount I pay back is minimal. Also would have meant I didn't have to rent, which is so expensive.

Chinnyreckoning, I'm in the middle of applying for a mortgage of the moment, and my student loan hasn't impacted it at all.

He needs to get a part time job or work overtime if able to replace the money.

My daughter also regrets not taking my advice to get a student loan! She lived at home and had part time work through out her university years. Meant no debt when she had finished.