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AIBU?

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Original poster

False accusation

71 replies

NeverEndingSunnyDays · 07/08/2018 12:18

We were at a family get together of my husbands family three months ago.

There was a bouncy castle. My young children were playing on it. My husbands brothers children were on it too - including a son who is 12. This boy was very rough and silly throughout the day. I mentioned his behaviour a number of times to his parents. They would give out but then disappear back indoors again.

As the evening went on I gave out to him a number of times for things like climbing on the roof of the castle and bouncing on it. It was so dangerous to the children underneath.

After yet another telling off he then told his parents I had hit him. Completely untrue - I had done nothing more than give out to him.

His parents believed him! As did other adults (extended family). We left as I was upset.

There has been hardly any contact between us since. My husband is very disappointed in his family - we would normally drive an hour to see them about every six weeks or so but haven't been since this happened.

I sent a text a few days later to say how important family relationships are and that I would've like to clear the air. The mother ignored the text and the father replied saying that he had fallen out with us over the incident.

How do we get past this? I don't want to pretend it didn't happen. But I don't think they are open to any sort of rational conversation about it.

I am hurt that other family members have not been in touch either - I don't like that there may be whispers about whether or not I hit a child.

Not sure what I'm asking here... has anyone been through anything similar?

OP posts:
LittleMe03 · 07/08/2018 14:20

Why does it matter if this is a repeat? Well it's unlikely that the OP will get wildly different opinions second time around. Could be that the OP will never be happy with the outcome or just can't let it rest.

Op had no replies last time and so was probably just hoping for some advice or answers this time

LittleMe03 · 07/08/2018 14:21

I'm not sure I understand the message, Rita. Sorry Confused

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 07/08/2018 14:25

ooh what did rita say, missed it?

YeTalkShiteHen · 07/08/2018 14:25

Totally subjective opinion some people see kids of 12 playing ‘rough’ and they are playing completely normally for their age

Climbing on the top of a bouncy castle full of smaller children? With no parental supervision? That’s not normal. It’s also not normal to play roughly with small children when you’re 12.

I’m not sure why you think parents of smaller children are so precious, yet can’t believe a 12 year old could be a spiteful and manipulative liar?

sunflowersinthesky · 07/08/2018 14:31

I know you didn't smack him one OP, but it sounds like he would have deserved it if someone had.

TwoBlueShoes · 07/08/2018 14:33

You can't force people to have a relationship with you. As sad as it is, I'd just leave the ball in their court OP.

YaLoVeras · 07/08/2018 14:36

Wow, what a situation.

I wouldn't do anything to plamas the parents. You didn't hit him. You haven't lied, so if you go back to them all pleady pleady this has gone on for too long, then they'll see that as validating their son's account. In the LONG run, you're better off doing nothing.

Big cuppan te to the person who's never heard ''give out to'' before. Where have you been?! Brew 14 years of living in England and not one person has ever said ''can I stop you there, what do you mean ?''

Jaxhog · 07/08/2018 14:38

I think it's their loss, quite frankly.

Hard to believe that any 'reasonable' people wouldn't want to find out exactly what happened., if only to know why you apparently 'hit him'. Unless they are completely unreasonable, I can't help wondering if there's more to it than that. Are you of a different 'social grouping' to them?

Juells · 07/08/2018 14:43

@YaLoVeras
I wouldn't do anything to plamas the parents.

Hahaha you should have added a fada to do a bit more stirring Grin

OP, I'd leave them to it. If he's lied about you hitting him he'll lie about other things, eventually other family members will see the truth. I wouldn't want to be friends with any of them though, they should have listened to your side as well. He sounds like an obnoxious brat.

As for PP who say he's just being a 12-year-old boy - he's being taught that he can ride roughshod over everyone else.

Birdsgottafly · 07/08/2018 14:49

""I know you didn't smack him one OP, but it sounds like he would have deserved it if someone had.""

He wouldn't have deserved it.

What he needed was a Parent who was prepared to give a warning of the consequences and carry them out.

Or, with a promise of him having a go on his own/with the younger ones off, so he could have a good go.

I'm surrounded by Teen Lads, who have never been taught how to behave, but hit, or when the Parent could, their behavior denied and they would believe the accusation of being hit. Most end up within the justice system. Meanwhile they carry on with their anti-social/low level criminal behaviour.

Tbh, OP, why didn't you direct your anger towards the Parents?

Either way, you are better keeping your distance, if the Parents are as you say. Cousins look up to older one's, you don't want yours being influenced.

ToadOfSadness · 07/08/2018 14:55

Irish people I have worked with would say 'give out', one lady also used to say 'ahh lookit' a lot. Lovely accent, great people.

NoFucksImAQueen · 07/08/2018 15:04

what happened on the day? if you left because you were upset and but didn't deny you hit him and then sent that text a few days later I can see why they think you did it

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/08/2018 15:04

I empathise with you OP but at least you can walk away and not see them again.

I would be concerned about those that he can falsely accuse and it would have a detrimental affect on their lives and livelihoods.

YodelOdel · 07/08/2018 15:10

I have a 12 year old son and his friend, also 12, tries to lie to get out of situations. He blatantly lied and said he had never called my son names whilst they were gaming and my son over-reacts.

I had actually screen-shotted some of the most horrific name calling by this child as I was waiting to see if it was a one off (one evening) or whether it would be ongoing and was deciding what action to take. It also included the words you should die.

I quoted this back to him, lo and behold he left the server. Then tried to tell a mutual friend that my son had called him names. Luckily, mutual friend called him out on it.

At 12 they are still not fully aware of the consequences of their words or actions.

Let's hope he doesn't get pissed off with his parents and accuse them of hitting him to a teacher in school.

There is no real way forward. They have chosen to believe this child and they obviously think you are capable of doing it. Which says a lot about how they feel about you. I wouldn't want to be around people like that.

Your Dh believes you which would be enough for me.

OrangeMarshmellows · 07/08/2018 15:12

Rubbish situation Op - is there more to the relationship dynamics for them all to believe the boy?

As for people saying a 12 year old is just playing. He's 12 ffs! I have an 8 year old who I would expect to understand he would need to adjust his playing style on a bouncy castle full of little kids! He also wouldn't need multiple 'tellings off' from an adult to stop doing what he was told to stop doing!

HellenaHandbasket · 07/08/2018 15:14

Silly and rough is subjective, and not necessarily naughty.

Says the poster defending parents not keeping an eye on their child and a kid who wouldn’t take a telling

There's a difference between a differing opinion, and being a supercilious arse about a phrase you don't know and pretending you couldn't understand a post because of it. In fact the two aren't comparable.

Original poster
NeverEndingSunnyDays · 07/08/2018 15:55

Wow - a lot of responses!

I think there isn't anything we can do as such - just keep future visits short and ensure none of us are left with this child 'unsupervised'.

I left after stating I hadn't hit him to him, his mother, etc as I think everyone was upset and the adults had been drinking.. I hadn't been drinking as I was driving. I was really shocked at the time too that they would think so little of me. They are very protective of their 'good name'.

I'm still quite shocked that a 12 year old could lie to my face - he was even crying. And I've never had an issue with him in the past... we've always gotten on fine. I suppose it makes me nervous about being around groups of kids - I would never have thought a situation like this could happen.

I think it's easier for his parents to believe him - the alternative is to admit their child has done something horrible. And the extended family live close to them whereas they see less of us..

I've gotten on well enough with his parents up to now. Perhaps they think I'm a bit dry as I don't drink (always driving when I see them).

I don't think I told him off excessively - what he was doing was dangerous.. I just wish we'd gone home earlier that day.

OP posts:
YaLoVeras · 07/08/2018 23:12

@juells, I tried, but I cannot figure out how to do a fada on this keyboard.

@neverendingsunnydays, maybe the 12 year old boy will crack and tell the truth, especially as he liked you in the past. Maybe he'll get so sick of listening to his parents discuss it that one day, he'll just cough it up.

Juells · 08/08/2018 07:34

@YaLoVeras

It's easy on Windows, you press the alt gr key at the same time as the letter, but mostly I just copy/paste from some other website that has them.

Allaboutalex · 08/08/2018 07:45

@yaloveras Grin I didn’t even pick up on it at first!

CityFarmer · 08/08/2018 11:33

Why has this been posted again. Third time?
Blush I need to stop frequenting aibu section of mn, clearly 🙈

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