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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

False accusation

71 replies

NeverEndingSunnyDays · 07/08/2018 12:18

We were at a family get together of my husbands family three months ago.

There was a bouncy castle. My young children were playing on it. My husbands brothers children were on it too - including a son who is 12. This boy was very rough and silly throughout the day. I mentioned his behaviour a number of times to his parents. They would give out but then disappear back indoors again.

As the evening went on I gave out to him a number of times for things like climbing on the roof of the castle and bouncing on it. It was so dangerous to the children underneath.

After yet another telling off he then told his parents I had hit him. Completely untrue - I had done nothing more than give out to him.

His parents believed him! As did other adults (extended family). We left as I was upset.

There has been hardly any contact between us since. My husband is very disappointed in his family - we would normally drive an hour to see them about every six weeks or so but haven't been since this happened.

I sent a text a few days later to say how important family relationships are and that I would've like to clear the air. The mother ignored the text and the father replied saying that he had fallen out with us over the incident.

How do we get past this? I don't want to pretend it didn't happen. But I don't think they are open to any sort of rational conversation about it.

I am hurt that other family members have not been in touch either - I don't like that there may be whispers about whether or not I hit a child.

Not sure what I'm asking here... has anyone been through anything similar?

OP posts:
Rudgie47 · 07/08/2018 12:48

Nothing you can do really they will believe who they want to.
Also if he had been hit there may have been marks, obviously no one has seen anything because it didnt happen.
The boys a lying little twat and I'd want my family well away from them really. Its bad what hes done, but next time it could be worse and he could accuse your husband of a sex assault or something really bad.
I'd just leave them to it.

Neshoma · 07/08/2018 12:50

The relationship won't go back to how it was, BUT I wouldn't want to socialise with a family who do not monitor their children whose children are wild and capable of making a serious allegation, and a family who didn't seem bothered about sorting it out. Good riddance.

Stay away from the family until they are willing to discuss the situation properly to establish what happened, and you get an apology from the awful boy.

In the mean time raise your children safely and properly, with good manners and are able to behave when out and about.

KC225 · 07/08/2018 12:51

If he has falsely accused you of hitting him, has he got form for lying about other things.

Did any other of the families have issues with this child on the day?

Are the family using this as an excuse to distance themselves from you?

ShackUp · 07/08/2018 12:53

If someone did this to me, I would say (to child, other kids and surrounding adults): right, I want statements from everyone who saw the incident, which I will pass onto the police when you've called them, because your son is accusing me of assault and it's now a police matter.

They can then choose whether to believe their son and go through the proper channels, or to believe you. Chances are they'll drop it, because he was lying.

HellenaHandbasket · 07/08/2018 12:57

Blimey, reading comprehension isn't some people's strong point is it, in the context it is perfectly obvious what the OP meant.

At 12 kids can get really carried away on things like bouncy castles, and despite being bigger than others are not really very grown up. I wouldn't expect someone to have a go at my kids, there are better ways of dealing with it. If you had been on his case all day they can probably see it as being within the realm of possibility. All you can do is categorically deny it and move on. What else can you do?

YeTalkShiteHen · 07/08/2018 13:00

Blimey, reading comprehension isn't some people's strong point is it, in the context it is perfectly obvious what the OP meant

Says the poster defending parents not keeping an eye on their child and a kid who wouldn’t take a telling Hmm

laura6032 · 07/08/2018 13:03

If they're the type of parents that are going to sit back and allow a 12 year old to misbehave to the point of it being a danger to smaller kids, then of course they're going to listen to their son over you, they obviously think he can do no wrong.
I do also think a 12 year old should know a bit better, he must be allowed to do what he wants and get away with it and the rest of the family just follow suit as they're used to it.
Ignore them, hold your head up, I'm sure the same thing will happen again to someone else.

HaveSomeGrace · 07/08/2018 13:11

If this was me in your situation (ie I HADNT hit said child), I would be kicking up a storm and the issue would have been resolved there and then. NO WAY would I allow someone to blame me for something I didn’t do. I feel there’s more to this story than what’s been put as I can’t quite understand why you would stand for it and why you allowed yourself to leave upset. It’s an odd one and you and your husband need to deal with it properly otherwise there might be worse accusations in the future.

PerfectlyDone · 07/08/2018 13:11

What is your DH proposing to do/say seeing that this conflict is with his family?

I'd stay out of it.

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 07/08/2018 13:18

InspectorIkmen Gave out means told offReally? Where? Never heard anyone talk like that before. hmm

I wouldn't feel the need to broadcast how poorly travelled I was myself, but I think even if you had never heard it it was obvious. (and googlable)

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 07/08/2018 13:20

The relationship won't go back to how it was, BUT I wouldn't want to socialise with a family who do not monitor their children whose children are wild and capable of making a serious allegation, and a family who didn't seem bothered about sorting it out. Good riddance.

Sounds about right. Just leave it OP.

Those of you who would have threatened to call the police or kicked off, do you really think that would have cleared your name? No, and potentially you'd have been arrested for assault.

Lifeisabeach09 · 07/08/2018 13:23

All you can do is refute what the boy said and let the rest of the family get on with it.
Were they looking for an excuse to fall out with you?

Cuppaorwine · 07/08/2018 13:31

YeTaljShiteHen

Possibly but some parents with young children are super protective and often think older kids should behave better than their age.

I think if the op says ‘he was silly all day’ means he got on her nerves all day and she spent most of the day shouting st him. She doesn’t sound like she likes her nephew. That’s fair enough but hardly endearing her to his parents or grandparents.

LittleMe03 · 07/08/2018 13:35

Hmmm, you've written about this before haven't you

Why does this matter? Hmm

YeTalkShiteHen · 07/08/2018 13:37

I think if the op says ‘he was silly all day’ means he got on her nerves all day

She didn’t say silly all day, she said very rough and silly all day. Very rough around smaller children could be dangerous, and the parents clearly didn’t give a shit.

KoolAidPickle · 07/08/2018 13:39

Really? Where? Never heard anyone talk like that before. Hmm

Wow, you haven't? Then they must not exist! It's not as if there are entire countries with different types of english spoken that you personally aren't familiar with, is it?

Hmm
lavendersea · 07/08/2018 13:41

Why does it matter about gave out? I’ve never heard it but I understood it from the context.

Do you think you were possibly a little much in your complaints OP?

BoldKitties · 07/08/2018 13:54

Really? Where? Never heard anyone talk like that before. Hmm

What's with the little huffy face? So because you have personally never heard something said, it follows that nobody says it? That's weirdly arrogant. It's a completely normal expression where I come from. You do know people outside your realm of experience exist, yes? They might even speak differently / use different expressions to you. Imagine that!

SassitudeandSparkle · 07/08/2018 13:57

Why does it matter if this is a repeat? Well it's unlikely that the OP will get wildly different opinions second time around. Could be that the OP will never be happy with the outcome or just can't let it rest.

almitra1 · 07/08/2018 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ArmySal · 07/08/2018 14:03

You ok there Rita? Confused

PaulRuddislush · 07/08/2018 14:07

WELL THAT TOOK A STRANGE TURN

Cuppaorwine · 07/08/2018 14:13

YeTalkShiteHen

Totally subjective opinion some people see kids of 12 playing ‘rough’ and they are playing completely normally for their age. As I understand the parents did discipline him.

I just find it very hard to belive that the child would say the op hit him and be beloved by his parents and all the other family members of the op unless the op is down playing her behaviour here.

Obviousiy I am not saying she did hit him but if she was shouting at him all day then this woukd have been noticed by other party members and if she had been shouting constantly at my 12 year old all day I would have been ‘giving out ‘ to her in spades. 12 isn’t very old and may well be perceived as rough in a bouncy castle situation with younger kids. Who knows

We have only one side here and I just can’t belive the whole family were wrong and she alone was right.

Cuppaorwine · 07/08/2018 14:16

Have reported Rita’s post.

NorthEndGal · 07/08/2018 14:16

What in the actual Jeff did I just read?

Rita?