AIBU to hate it when grown-ups ask little children if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

[TakesTheCake]

Swimming teacher this morning, asks every single child (aged 3-4) if they have a girlfriend or boyfriend, before they jump in the pool. Other swimming teacher is asking her group what their favourite colour is and is getting much better and joyful responses.

I have always hated the girlfriend/boyfriend question. I hated it as a kid too, and in my experience little kids either get embarrassed or confused. That isn’t their world yet and I think it is foisting grown-up stuff on them before they are ready.

I am half Dutch and they just don’t do it there. Whenever grown-ups ask my boys this question I always seethe a little. Why not enter their world? Have never seen the question bring happy chatter or responses from my boys. (Ask them about superheroes though and you will be there all day.) 😂 Might be different for girls, though?

AIBU?!

That's really weird. I would not be happy with that at all! Why would you ask that of children so young?!?

YADNBU - it is just wrong!!!

I agree OP! It's weird and sends a message that perhaps they should have a boyfriend or girlfriend...

Totally agree with you. Stop sexualising children! Also, it’s so heteronormative, which isn’t my main complaint but irritates me too!

Yep, it's a frequently asked and silly question and it's hard to know what answer the person is looking for. Confusion or embarrassment pretty much sums up the usual responses I see. Irritating.

Very weird question for a swimming teacher. Agree that it’s grim from anyone.

I can’t stand this either, it makes my teeth go on edge.

My family are constantly asking my 3.5 year old DD if she has a boyfriend, and what his name is. They then make ‘ooh’ noises, and ask if they hold hands. She is also asked if she chases the boys around and plays kiss chase.

One family member always says that my DD loves boys, and has lots of boyfriends (and she’s very clear that she doesn’t mean boys who are friends).

As previous posters have mentioned, I hate the sexualisation and connotations implied, and also the heteronormative messages conveyed.

Urgh. I got this all through my childhood & teens with friends of one of my parents.
I was a geeky, plain, awkward child, and I didn't have a boyfriend until I reached my 20's.
Every time I was asked this I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and different (in a bad way) because I was obviously, by these persons standards abnormal. Their children had boyfriends/girlfriends - there must be someone I liked, etc.

My children react badly to this question (they are 6&7). Every single time it causes one to run off crying/shouting no leave me alone. It’s embarassing for them and unnecessary.

Oh this drives me nuts - and sorry OP but the worst culprits are my Dutch mother- and sister in law. It started with my nephew - now with my daughter and other nephew, non stop 'oooh is that your boyfriend/girlfriend', 'oooh can we come to the wedding'.. the boys ignore it as it's their mother and they're used to it, but my daughter hates it. She too apparently has 'an eye for the boys' and has done since age 4 months as she clearly adored her grandfather, same as her cousin was 'a ladies man' . Such a pile of nonsense.

Little boy next door is exposed to a lot more than DD(4) who is very well packaged in cotton wool . He was on about his 'girlfriend' and i heard DD rattle off a list of her 'girlfriends' (aka friends). Long may her innocense remain!

My DS used to get this all the time when he was little (he's 33 now so he can cope with it ) because he was a little boy who liked to play with girls as well as boys - and would invite equal numbers of each to his birthday parties etc. People used to say 'Ooh he's a ladies man' and shit like that, and ask him if he was going to marry particular girls because he was friends with them. He was Five.

I hate this kind of stupid nonsense. As you say - it's not their world, my DS's world was fossils and dinosaurs and dress ups and story books. Ask him if he had a girlfriend he's shuffle about and look unhappy. Ask him about stegasaurus and you'd get half an hour of enthusiastic chat

He was in a school play when he was 14 - playing the villain, and one mother came up to me afterwards and said 'your boy is really sexy' - it really creeped me out, I found it just as revolting as if a man had said that about my 14 yr old DD - but I think sometimes people mistakenly think that is some kind of compliment for a boy, but a 14yr old is a child whatever the gender.

Omg no, so weird. Totally inappropriate. Stuff like this makes it harder to boys and girls (and men and women) just be friends without people being weird about it.

Its bizarre! I can't say I've seen it happen except when two kids hold hand and a grown up jokes is that your girlfriend/boyfriend?

Im at that vile womans comment Kurri. I really do not understand people that call children sexy.

Oh God Kurri that is absolutely awful, I think I'd have been torn between disgust and wanting to smack her.

I hate the boyfriend girlfriend thing too.

Katiepoes how odd! We have never had it said when we are in the Netherlands, and none of my Dutch family have ever done it. I have always thought Dutch people are better with kids, and more child-orientated, on the whole. Bang goes my misconception now though, as your Dutch family are your worse culprit!

People can just be so stupid, can’t they. All the reasons given in the replies here have really hit the nail on the head for why it makes me rage. How it makes it more difficult for boys and girls to be friends without all the “ooooh!” shit, and how it makes kids think they are supposed to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Grrrrrr.

Oh and when one child in the group this morning did give a name, the teacher did that “oooooh” sound too.

Anyone think I might email her at the end of the course and just suggest she uses a different question, and why?

Haha maybe I have the weirdos as in-laws. They are from Groningen :-)

I used to find it embarrassing as a kid and I'll never do it with my own kids or niece/nephews

I hate it too. I get people are just teasing but it's really inappropriate.
My 2.8 year old really likes a little boy at her nursery, they always play together and she sometimes holds hands with him. I haven't told my family about it because I can imagine my siblings teasing her about it. I don't want her to think there's anything funny or odd about her playing with her friend.

I hate hate hate it. Really annoys me. Same as fb ones showing pictures saying bf and gf

Marklah marklah - same.

When I was a child I got asked did I have s boyfriend and also had I got any valentine's cards/how many valentine's cards had I got etc

I was immediately embarrassed and felt inadequate/a failure because I didn't/hadn't. I thought if they were asking it must be normal and I was a failure, an odd one out ...

You don't really need that when you're an already sensitive child.

My husband told me that when he was at primary school the (female) teachers set up a valentine's event" for them, pairing them off as 'couples' and making them have lunch at individual tables with flowers and a candle etc.

So many people seem to be one track minded, sex/romance/mating obsessed bores who project that onto little children.

Also it's the beginning of 'if you're single, you're a failure or odd' brainwashing.

Yanbu. It gives me the creeps.

Even my 12 year old DD gets asked this about a boy who lives a few doors up from us. They spend time together out on bikes, or playing computer games and yesterday he came on a day out with us.

They are 12 years old. They are more interested in shooting zombies, how many scrapes they have from falling off bikes or pushing each other off inflatables at the pool than anything else.

I really wish people would stop sexualising everything, stop trying to force kids to grow up too soon. I like DD's friend, he's funny and good company and they get on well. That's it, nothing more than that.

Also people who post photos of their toddlers with a friends toddler saying 'first love, girlfriend and boyfriend - so sweeeet!' Toddlers barely tolerate other toddlers imo.