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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how often you doubt your parenting?

52 replies

ethelfleda · 06/08/2018 17:24

I have a 9 month old son so I know I have many more trying times ahead and that raising a teenager will be completely different but...

I worry all the time that I'm not doing enough for him. I'm still on mat leave at the moment and some days I don't find much time to play with him (in between feeding him, cleaning him, getting him to sleep etc) I feel bad if I bring him out of the house with me so I can meet a friend for coffee because that means my focus isn't 100% on him - but then I feel bad if I don't take him out because maybe he needs the stimulation. I feel bad if he is crying to be picked up and I can't do it right away. I feel as though it's my fault if he hasn't had enough sleep during the day... etc etc is it normal to doubt myself this much over every little thing??

I think most of all, I'm worried that I won't be a good enough mum to him as he is growing up and worry that any mistakes I make will have a lasting and negative impact!

OP posts:
Witsendmummy · 06/08/2018 17:27

Constantly at the minute. I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old and I feel so stretched and like I'm not coping all the time. But they're fed, safe and happy and that will have to do for now.

Jackieyoulooknice · 06/08/2018 17:28

I have 3 under 3 and with my youngest 2 I often think I am not doing enough. I do loads of activitieswl with my eldest but the little ones I end up just letting them play independently with cbeebies on in the background (they're over 1). We go on loads of walks and to the park but I don't think I do enough, it's difficult when they won't do activties.

shinyredbus · 06/08/2018 17:29

Every single day. I have a 4 year old and a 1.5 year old. I am constantly second guessing myself. It’s touturous.

Bossyboots88 · 06/08/2018 17:29

We all doubt ourselves at times. Little ones don't need 100% attention 100% of the time. Be kind to yourself, you sound like your doing a great job x

BrutusMcDogface · 06/08/2018 17:32

Well, all the time really, but then in the same breath I tell myself to stop being ridiculous as my children are fed, clean(ish!), healthy, stimulated and absolutely adored, and they don't need anything else! I take them out a lot, whenever I can, but they also have some time when they can play together and entertain one another.

Most of us are doing our best, and if you're posting that you're doubting your abilities as a parent, chances are very high that you're doing a great job! Otherwise you just wouldn't care!

Shannaratiger · 06/08/2018 17:33

Not as often as I used to. I have Ds 11 and Dd13. Just remember give them lots of loving cuddles, not always everything they want and look after yourself as well. You'll do fine.

Allyg1185 · 06/08/2018 17:34

Everyday. I always wonder if I'm doing things right

Happyandshiney · 06/08/2018 17:34

I worried all the time when my twins were little!

They are ten to now and I’m pretty confident.

I’ll go back to worrying when they are teenagers I’m sure!

Bbbbbbbb2017 · 06/08/2018 17:35

Constantly

idonthaveatattoo · 06/08/2018 17:36

I am sure you are doing a brilliant job Flowers

KatieSE4 · 06/08/2018 17:36

Everyday, but I know I’m doing my best so that’s all that matters.

Pengggwn · 06/08/2018 17:37

All the time. Not reading enough versus pushing books on her. Not spending enough time outside versus sun exposure. Teaching her independent eating versus ignoring her and seeing her struggle (a bit). Being strict about diet versus giving her the odd treat.

A mother's place?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 06/08/2018 17:38

Quite often, but less than I used to. I give my head more wobbles these days because, well, I'm doing my best & I can't do more than that & amazingly they're both still alive & well & pretty good kids so I'm doing something right & have been for nearly 9 years now.

megletthesecond · 06/08/2018 17:38

Hourly. They're 11 and 9.
Although more so for my 9yr old who is often out of control. My 11yr old seems to be plodding along quite nicely, I still panic about screwing him up though.

redfragglebiker · 06/08/2018 17:41

I could have written your post entirely my lovely. DD is 8 months and I have the exact same worries so I guess they're par for the course. I try and tell her what I'm doing when I do housework etc at least and have her in the same room as me so hopefully she's getting some kind of interaction.

bluemascara · 06/08/2018 17:43

Daily!

Original poster
ethelfleda · 06/08/2018 17:44

peng those are the exact sort of things I mean! Did I give him enough water today - did I change his nappy often enough. Have I given him the right kind of food (i know i havent today - was an Ella pouch for lunch - but he is having home cooked tonight)

Thank you tattoo Smile

OP posts:
LittleBirdBlues · 06/08/2018 17:44

Daily! I worry most about my firstborn DS, whether he's too bossy, not confident enough, too confident, clever enough, too academic.... He's 4!! I keep questioning if we are too strict or not strict enough, too soft or not warm enough, providing too much or too little structure....

With DD and DS2 I am much more relaxed.

Pengggwn · 06/08/2018 17:47

ethelfleda

I think you just get used to it!

Perfectly1mperfect · 06/08/2018 17:54

A really nice lady once told me that if I was doubting my parenting and feeling guilty then I was doing a good job ! At the time I was a bit Confused but I think she was probably right. If you are feeling these things then you are actually putting some thought into how you parent so that means you care and are doing your best. Not a lot else we can do !

Maverick66 · 06/08/2018 18:56

Everyday and my children are 28 26 and 19 Confused

Mousefunky · 06/08/2018 19:02

If you’re worrying about doing a shit job, it probably means you’re doing a great job. It’s just a good sign you care and are conscious about being a decent parent.

Firstworddinosaur · 06/08/2018 19:09

Yes the guilt, the worry and the doubt. Welcome to being a parent Smile

Stonesoup18 · 06/08/2018 19:12

All the time. And just as you ‘crack’ one stage/phase, you move into the next!

slapmyassandcallmejudy · 06/08/2018 19:15

Daily! I worry that with my second she's not had the same attention that the first got and that she will end up with problems because of it or something.