Cocaine taking in our home - aibu/wwyd

[Thegreatestdancer]

DD1 (24) and BF (29) had a bbq on sat afternoon for their friends, before a big night out to a gig. DD1 is back with us post uni, we all get on well, they often have friends here and we are happy they do, its her house too. BF has his own flat, she spends loads of time there, but its quite small.

We were out for the afternoon and came back to find one of their friends leaning over 2 lines of coke all ready to go on the kitchen worktop with his girlfriend standing with him presumably waiting for her turn. He was already off his head and barely acknowledged us. Everyone else was outside chilling in the garden.
I was furious that anyone would take class A drugs in our home. Particularly as DS3 (14) and 2 mates were due home at any minute. I asked him to leave, pretty calmly given how angry I felt.
We have had a no drug-taking in our house rule for ever.
DD1 and BF were mortified about their mate and I feel bad for them. As DD1 said theyre not 17, she didn't feel she had to announce 'my parents don't like drugs in the house' as people arrive.
Aibu to feel so angry that this couple would think this was ok? What they do in their own space is their concern. Taking class A drugs in our house is mine never mind potentially there were minors present and the general arguments about broken lives/violence from down the supply chains.
I want to contact them and tell then how invaded I feel and what twats they are, but I know really this would be counter productive.

That's good. Op's daughter's hanging out with some disrespectful people.

I'm amazed anyone would even have to mention there's a 'no drugs' rule in someone's parents house. It's implicit. It would never occur to me to spell that out to DCs friends or to DC who know how we feel about drugs. But maybe you have to.

Trazey ha ha!

Sheltered life?

Most of my friends were doing drugs in the 90s as you describe at raves and parties. Two of them are dead (from drugs overdose) one was killed in a car accident due to drugs. Two of them killed themselves in their 30s, and many of the others have gone on to have serious problems with alcohol and depression mainly. A handful have come through unscathed and are leading 'normal' lives now.

This idea that there isn't a price to pay is completely false.

You pump your body full of chemicals for any length of time (that could just be half an hour in some cases) and you are asking for trouble. You know as well as I do that many of our friends ended in A&E after taking a 'dodgy' e. Not all of them died, but you know they could have done. How many friends of yours have had a bad trip on acid and put themselves in harms way and in danger. And you want this for your kids do you???

Not to the mention the trail of destruction to get the drugs to the users in the first place. The slavery, the murky underworld that is cutting up the drugs, the gangs on the streets. You are forgetting that the drug user is the least of our problems, it is the invisible consequences of drug production and the lives lost in the process makes me wonder how you can sleep at night.

I think your dd sounds like she's dealing with it.
I no people who take cocaine. If they want to it's their lives. I'm not fussed if they want to do a line in front of me they can.
But bringing it into my house is a major no no.
I think she probably knew they were taking it but assumed they would hide it better.

@mineisarossini

Wow. You're much cooler and unsheltered than I thought. Sorry.

No one I know has had any long-term issues with illegal drugs, as I said. The only issues have ever been alcohol.

Perhaps this illustrates that there's much more to this than simply drug users and non drug users. There are a myriad of factors affecting the outcomes of someone's life and what they choose (or not) to put in their bodies.

Trazey I am not cool because I spent much of my younger days with drugged up saddos, trust me, at times it was not pleasant watching them come down or vomiting up their own blood because they had taken too much or it had been cut up with something horrible. Or watch them cry in a feral ball because they were on a bad trip. Or slice their wrists repeatedly because they couldn't cope on the down days. No it was not cool, it was fucking sad and dirty and grim.

It is not a privilege to see those bright and lovely kids descend into a lethargic haze as their lives and opportunities slowly ebbed away.

Particularly the ones that became stoners and dropped out of life somewhere along the way, and I don't even know what happened to them, no one does.
It is sad to think that when we were all kids they were important and valuable to us, shiny eyes racing along on their christmas bikes, they had hopes and dreams, a happy middle class life with parents that loved them. Yet no one can say where they are now.

I have a great deal of sadness when I look back, what was lost and wasted. What was broken and messed up.

It is not cool to be in a spiral of destruction, to be battering your body with unknown chemicals.

So forgive me if I sound animated on the subject, but I have seen the down side of the kitchen cocaine use to be anything other than furious that these fools STILL do not see what they doing to themselves and others.

I hope you had some dettol in the house OP for the kitchen surfaces.

No one I know has had any long-term issues with illegal drugs

+1

We were in a pretty heavy drug taking set when younger. Everyone grew up and calmed down as we got older and work/family demands increased. We look back on those days with fondness (and have an annual Ibiza trip where we can still go raving).

No one died. No one went to hospital. No one has fucked their lives up. Educated, driven people who are doctors, teachers, bankers, work in other finance roles, HR, fashion, insurance, tech entrepreneurs etc

Sounds like your group of friends was/is pretty sketchy @mineisarossini

Actually one guy struggles with weed smoking and depression and motivation, I’m not a fan of weed smoking st all but it’s hard to untangle the causation and correlation.

Cross posted with your second post. You hung out with some seriously uncool people.

Might have been an idea to distance yourself from such a crowd, drugs or no drugs.

serbska

Sounds like the OP's friends who are prepared to take drugs right there in the open in someone else's house, are pretty sketchy

mineisarossini

How awful, to be fair I think your friends must have been much more into drugs than average. Probably about a third of my friends did drugs, including class A, in their twenties and all went on to lead happy lives, most are married with kids now (and would be horrified at the idea of people doing class A drugs in their house).

serbska You are simply justifying your own drug use.

What kind of example are you to your children assuming you have them with your drugged fuelled Ibiza annual holidays? Do you take your kids??? What kind of mother are you when you are out of your head at some party and your kids are upstairs asleep?

You are brave to come on here. Mumsnet of all places where generally most people care and love their children and want the best for them.

I don't believe for one single minute that no one ended up in hospital, no one was in danger and all was fine for the twenty odd years you have been doing it. Not one word of it.

This is the narrative you tell yourself. It is harmless fun. Well, no it most definitely isn't harmless fun.

What about the children caught up in dealing? The gang warfare to get the drugs to you? The one day when it all goes wrong and one of you dies? The example you are setting your teenage kids (yes they definitely know) Wow, you are most definitely not cool are you. Not in any shape or form.

I feel sorry for you, but I feel most sorry for your poor kids.

"40% isn't far away from 51% (most)."

It's 11% away. You were just completely wrong.

If they are good friends your dd or her boyfriend would have known they do coke. And should have warned them not in the house.

If she barely knows them, they shouldn't have been left to wonder around your house.

Yanbu to be upset. But I think you need to be realistic about your dd or her bf. You need to tell them you will not have this in the house again.

I’d simply have called the police. Class A drugs kill. If someone was daft and disrespectful enough to bring them to my home we would involve the police. My children would know that would be the case. Even if it was marijuana we’d be telling them to leave.
Luckily the children think similarly and know association with drugs compromises their careers.

I would like to simply add that serbska were probably at the same parties, the same raves. The difference being that I wasn't too off my rocks to notice the kids being carted out into the ambulances at the back. The party must go on and all that!

I know people like you serbska you slowly melt into the background the first hint of a problem, only to emerge at the next party having never seen a thing. Ambulance what ambulance no we are having a great time! It says everything about you that you never witnessed any of this.......

Call the police next time op as CherryPavlova suggested.

I too would amazed if your DD and or her BF are not doing drugs too. Taking them so openly suggests others there knew what was going on. Perhaps emphasise that the no drugs rule applies to them too and the sentences for possession of Class A drugs are.

Headlines today: Boy, aged 8 dies after eating his father's drugs, he thought it was cereal.

For all those that say it is harmless fun without consequences perhaps you need to reconsider that view:

uk.yahoo.com/news/eight-year-old-boy-dies-mistaking-dads-meth-cereal-100000829.html

But it could never happen to you or your child right? Because you are so careful where you put your drugs and will never make a mistake

XiCi I think absolutely that most people try drugs at some point. It's a rite of passage when you are young. I can't think of anyone I know who hasnt at some point and I have a really wide social group. I also have a wide social group, but my friends haven't, not least because an awful lot of them get random drugs tested at work, and the loss of good job, salary and excellent pension is not worth it.

I have never tried illegal drugs; my Dad would have killed me, and when I had stoners turn up in my classroom, they were bounced right back out the door and handed to the school nurse. I wasn't being responsible for them. (Those stoners in my classroom were my students, not my social circle.)

Trayze Official stats have nearly 40% of 16-59 year olds as trying illegal drugs at some point in their lives. I must know those from the 60% that don't, and am part of it myself. I've never seen the point personally. I don't even like being vaguely hung over, I like to feel in control and functioning. I'm also the duty driver - it's so much more amusing to drink fizzy water and listen to people alter as the alcohol takes hold. It also means I can leave when I get bored.

XiCi You must mix in very different circles to me and my children. I too must know the other 60%. Our friends (including us) didn’t even do dope in Amsterdam.
We’ve had lots of dealings with drugs sadly, a dead foster child, picking up the pieces of children whose parents are too selfish and irresponsible to parent them. Nothing sadder than a 13 year old who misses school because they’ve had to take their ODing father in an ambulance again.
Our children, their friends, ourselves and our friends have never seen potentially lethal drugs as a rite of passage. More expensive risk taking for idiots. Our children and their friends don’t need fake risk and excitement; they prefer the real thing.