AIBU to be gobsmacked that SIL feels entitled to put DD in danger

[Sweepouttheashes]

SIL hasn’t spoken to me since Easter, when i called her and her husband out for physically assaulting their child, and calling social services and the police. She and her husband went DARVO about it (Deny, Attack, Reverse Offender and Victim). They live very near us and their children and ours are very close - DH is still spoken to but limits his involvement to facilitating the kids seeing each other.
SIL asked DH the other day if our DD, age 9, could accompany her DD age 7 on a coach trip to see FIL. FIL lives three hours away. Coach doesn’t have a toilet on it, makes multiple stops to pick up passengers/give toilet breaks. No one to supervise the kids, they are totally at the mercy of strangers.
DH and i said no, DD is too young. Too much potential for something to happen to them.
SIL is now having a huge adult tantrum at DH, accusing me of:
Ruining her DDs adventure
Being an uptight, micromanaging helicopter parent
Her tantrums take the form of multiple calls/text to DH and FIL.
WTAF. How can she feel so entitled to put my kid in danger? I know she isn’t normal, and I try not to let her behaviour affect me too much, but honestly, who does this? Even if it is unreasonable not to let your child go unaccompanied on a 3 hour coach trip, its our parenting boundary and it should be respected!!

Sleeplikeasloth, yes many airlines allow unaccompanied minors, but they are very well supervised and looked after at every step of the way, so not like this at all.

The whole going on the bus thing is mad but surely she is entitled to get a bit upset over her df moving in a new partner after her dm died. We often see here that people get upset over their dads meeting someone new. And l think some of us would need a bit of an adjustment period if our dads suddenly announced they were moving a guy in after having lived with our dms for years. I would cut her some slack for that.
Was she as bad before all that happened as it would call into question your childhood and your parents relationship and not just something some people could accept with no issue?

No chance. Wouldn't even let my kids go to their house if they are so violent. Aside from all the problems a 9 yr old and 7 yr old are too young. Block their numbers and explain to your child you are really sorry but they are not able to see this friend for a very long time. If they are so bothered about the "adventure" they should take her.

I know this seems to be reviving an old thread but surely it looks like this 'lack of common sense' (which runs in the DH's family) is mostly cultural misunderstanding. Yes hitting children is wrong but in many cultures it is still the norm. So is giving kids more freedom and finding homosexuality/bi difficult to accept...