What do you do when you have lots of friends but are still lonely?

[sunflowerverbana]

This is the position I find myself in every weekend - can anyone relate? I try not to let it get to me but it does feel like a half lived life.

Unless there's a massive difference in circumstances, it sounds like you have lots of acquaintances rather than friends.

Little more info would help :)

They are friends - I hope! Some go back to school days. I’m not sure what information I should provide?

Well, some insight as to why you are alone every weekend and what these friends are doing that doesn't include you would be a good start! Why aren't you included, what's the reasoning behind it, do you just like different things so don't connect as often... etc :)

Oh, nothing sinister - just that they are spending time with partners and children.

And what are you doing over the weekend if not the same as they're doing? Come on OP, every single detail from dawn til disk must now be given!!

I try to do as much as possible but not much is on and the stuff that is on can’t really be done alone.

Read. Catch up on tv. Gym. It’s a bit miserable.

So it seems you are in a different situation to your friends. I'm in a similar boat, they all have young children and weekends are usually spent together doing family stuff. You're not alone, by any means.

Sounds to me like you should explore some new avenues of activity. What would you rather be doing?

It’s not really about what I’d like to do. It’s more it’s so lonely always doing it on my own.

Ok well what are you doing on your own that you'd like to do with company? C'mon don't make it hard!

Describe your ideal weekend, we're at Sunday afternoon now, if you could click your fingers and change the rest of your evening, what would you like to do? And with who?

I’m not trying to make it hard. I suppose I’d like a partner really. It’s not about what I want to do. It’s about being alone.

Well I'm sure you can find a partner, what's stopping you?

I know how you feel.
I guess the answer is to try and find some friends who are in a similar place to you. I think it’s very hard for women who are of a certain age and don’t have children. Most of their friends they’ve grown up with or are a similar age will want to be spending time with young children.

Can you think of something you would like to be doing and aim to find some others who also like doing that?
I am in the same boat somewhat. And it’s bloody hard

@TopShagger
Maybe with your user name you find it easy!!!

I know what you mean; if you’re on your own there can be big stretches of time when you don’t see people and times when you’d just like some company but there’s none to hand.
I think even if your friends are often busy with families etc you can still be proactive and make arrangements to see them - make sure there’s stuff in the diary even if it’s not as much as you’d like with some friends.

eightfaces haha :) nah it's just a screen name :) I was just trying to get to the bottom of the OP's concerns, I wasn't being a twat :)

I think PPs are trying to say if you do activities you are really interested in you might meet like minded people to spend time with?

I understand how you feel - I have no friends. I'm getting to a point where I'm ready to start making the life I want. I'm going to try fitness first, running and yoga classes, be really friendly, warm and open and see where that takes me.

You are in a better place than me as you already have friends. Do you need to be more proactive in arranging get togethers?

There are two things you can do: first is make some friends who are in a similar situation to you so that you can start doing things together; second is talk to your friends who have families and see if there are ways you can be included. I love the families who welcome me in to their lives and I never feel lonely or like I'm missing out. Just because people have partners/children doesn't mean they have to exclude other people.

On the basis that you can't magic up a partner/children/family out of thin air then you need to find some new weekend activities that will help you to find new friends - there are lots of happily single/child free people around if you look in the right places - what kind of activities do you enjoy?

Honestly, trying to pin people down at weekends doesn’t happen!

Part of being a good friend is being respectful of your friends’ needs.

Finding a partner, easy - ha!

Have you asked any of your friends to meet up? I find that if you're waiting around to be asked then it's likely they assume you are busy already. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there and risk the rejection. If they say no then ask flor dates and book in advance.

Sometimes and sometimes we do, but that’s possibly a couple of hours a day on Saturday or Sunday at a posh.

At a posh what? Oh so that;s why you're lonely! You're a snob!!!

I'm joking, I know it's a typo :)

Hello sunflower 🌻
Me too. There's lots of us around it seems. Someone started a very supportive thread on here that's really helping me. You'd be very welcome to join us:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3300744-The-Claw-a-thread-about-loneliness