School uniform issues....

[jelly449]

Dh has a son who is starting primary in September. However he's spent the last 2 years going to the nursery attached part time and has worn the uniform to go to nursery.

Now dh does not mind contributing towards ds uniform at all. It's only fair. I have 2 dcs at school and we pay for their uniform obviously so contributing towards it really isn't an issue.

BUT here is where the issue lies.....

Dss mum wants to buy top of the range uniform - I.e from the more expensive shops. The school he goes to also has the logo sweat shirt and jumper which is optional. She wants him wearing these also.

The sweatshirts are £7.50 each. The jumpers are £15 each.

She wants him to have have 5 each of these! As she won't have time to wash them in the week apparently.

That's £56 just on these 2 items! He also needs 5 pairs of trousers but she won't do George or Tesco.....then there's pe kit, school shoes, underwear etc....

On top of this, she's just bought him an £80 winter jacket which we are expected to go halves on.

All in all I'm guessing she wants around £150 off us for uniform.

My dcs uniform is all from Asda. They are older and I know it's pointless buying more expensive stuff. It's all marked or covered in paint after a couple of weeks....or it's gone missing.

Dh has suggested to her that we buy his trousers, shoes shoes and p.e kit instead - as in actuality take him shopping for it. But she's said no, she just wants half the money.

How would you go about this? To me....it's such a lot. New uniform for my 2dcs wouldn't cost that much. But I'm not getting involved.

She does get maintenance by the way though I know that makes no difference as it doesn't cover uniform costs really. But I just want anyone reading to know that dh does pay for his son and he stays with us eow for a full weekend and one night on the other weekend. Plus half the school holidays usually.

He is her only child and is always dressed in new clothing. She goes mad if anything comes home marked etc. All our stuff for him is from primark....just the same as my 2dcs.

Is the ex unreasonable to expect us just to pay this? I know if we went out at bought him 5 pairs of George school trousers, she wouldn't let him wear them to school.

The issue is going to come up when dh drops him off later and I just thought I could get some advice on how to handle it....or just to pay it....I don't know. Just feel it's slightly extreme that's all.

I would pay for half of two logoed sweatshirts (bought to fit for two years), five polos, and two pairs of trousers. Plus all the extras, including decent school shoes.

I’d suggest you offer to go halves on 3 of each item. (Or nearest quantity eg some items might be sold in packs of two.) No one needs to change all of their clothes every single day unless they have a manual job causing lots of sweat and dirt to adhere to clothing.

I can understand the novelty of school with a pfb , and can see the attraction of the logos from that point of view. The two things that I don't understand are firstly why so many clothes for a tiny four year old and why a compromise can't easily be reached. Surely 2 'bottoms ' and 2 jumpers and/ or sweatshirts is more than enough. I am always taken aback by the uniform threads ; ok you can buy stuff quite cheaply in ASdA but tiny children outgrow their clothes quite quickly , are you going to be having this conversation again next September?

This woman would be unstoppable if she lived here in the U.S. where there are no school uniforms.

When my sons were in school some of the kids were wearing very expensive designer clothes/shoes. As you know the sky’s the limit with the price of some children clothes. The little shits make fun of the kids wearing Walmart/Target clothes. Oh and when the kids turn 16 they can drive to school and so these same parents would buy them $40,000 brand new pick-ups to drive to school.

I've just seen the £25 lunch box! What?!! Is she insane!!! I've just bought three fantastic ones ,inc bottle, from TK max for £15. Tell her to take a hike - the £25 lunch box will be gone into lunch box heaven by October!

I would pay for M&S as I think the quality is better, but would be drawing the line at John Lewis. M&S would be £25 for two packs of three polo shirts and a pack of two trousers, which I think is reasonable for something that will be worn five days a week.

My DC have 5 of everything as nothing ever lasts a second day as they get filthy and I don't have time to wash everything mid week. I struggle to get supermarket brands that fit them - next and m+s fit them much better as they are skinny and they are slow growers so loads has lasted through reception and yr 1! It's not pfb as I have 3 dc. I do get alot of hand me downs though. £25 lunch box is ridiculous.

Sorry but what is pfb?

PFB is precious first born I think.

At primary my son had 2 logo school sweatshirts and a plain Asda one for when it was warmer and as a spare, 3 pairs of Tesco pants - I found Tesco to be hardest wearing and 5 Asda polos and an Asda pie kit. Also had an M & S winter coat. This meant he had enough to last all week and I wasn’t unduly upset if something got ripped or lost.
She’s going to end up paying a fortune to replace when the inevitable happens and jumpers get lost etc, and your DH will be expected to pay half again - nip it in the bud now.

Give her half what it would cost for Asda stuff. Then she can pay the same amount and get Asda stuff (perfectly fine IME), or pay the extra and get the posh stuff if that is what she wants.

This reminds me very much of my dad’s first wife’s influence on my childhood. Somehow she got dad paying for private school for my half brothers, whilst my full siblings a day went to state schools and could not afford a holiday for several years.

Absolutely ridiculous. I have always bought my sons uniform from George at Asda. It has a 100 day guarantee - any faults/problems they will return or exchange as long as you have the receipt. Trousers and jumpers have always lasted the whole school year long and wash great. No problem if things go missing - which they always do! They can be easily replaced without worrying about the cost.

My DD is starting primary in September and I want her to have the school logo stuff as it looks nicer and don't want people to think "oh they couldn't afford it"

But she doesn't need them for every day if the week! We bought two cardigans. That's plenty!

This is a bit off the subject but a woman in our local uniform supplier told me this and I've never been so grateful for a piece of advice!
When washing the uniform items, except the shirts / polo shirts, DO NOT use fabric softener.
It creates a film / costing around the clothes which makes them go shiny / out of shape.
My kids uniform items have lasted so much longer since I made that change!

she won't have time to wash them in the week apparently

Perhaps, instead of spending £25 on a lunchbox, she could invest in that fabulous modern invention the automatic washing machine. A total of five minutes on a Tuesday evening putting two lots of uniform into the washer and hanging it on a clothes horse to dry, plus washing the whole lot over the weekend, and her darling child can have clean uniform every day on just three sets. Magic!

Well, that's how it worked for me.

Also - after 5 years of having a child or 2 at primary school, (and working full time) I have found that 5 (or 6) shirts (and pairs of socks/pants) is useful, but we’ve only ever needed 3 trousers and jumpers. The odd bit of spot cleaning required, but I think I’ve only ever needed to do about 3 midweek washes in 5 years.

Everyone has different ideas of what is essential when it comes to uniform. I think even when paying for more expensive brands, when they’re wearing it for more days than they aren’t, it generally works out at reasonable value.

You are judging her or you wouldn’t be posting it all on a public forum! I also don’t see what it has to do with her that your ex doesn’t properly support your children. They are still not your partner’s responsibility, it falls to you ultimately.

It would seem fair to me to choose a supermarket, price up the items, send her half the money for 5 shirts, 5 pairs of trousers and 5 jumpers. Then half of PE kits, shoes and a supermarket coat. 5 is fair, I do that myself because by February things start to develop holes or you can’t get the paint out. By the last half term, I am often down to one or two of each item.

What her DH can afford for his DS is between DH and his ex-wife and the agreements between them.

Like I said, the finances are joint so it isn’t just as simple as that. The op is fine having an opinion if she thinks something is unreasonable. I’m assuming the op works, and if she does I can agree with her not wanting to go out to work and subsidise paying towards 5 jumpers that her stepchild doesn’t really need. If he needed them then that would be different but he doesn’t, it’s only the mum thinking he does. And the op is entitled to have an opinion about that if it is going to effect the household budget unnecessarily.

The idea that it is nothing to do with the OP is laughable. No wonder so many step relations are fraught. It is absolutely the OP's business. YANBU.

With joint finances it has everything to do with OP.

It impacts on her family finances. Clearly.

5 school jumpers is way too many. 2 would be more than enough. How long does it take to pop something in the washing machine?

“how they manage/prioritise their household budget can’t really be enforced on ex-wife.”

I agree with this

When I was buying school uniform it wasn’t available in Tesco, Asda and the like, but I found that BHS was much better than M&S, and I didn’t even look at John Lewis. I don’t know what the answer is OP, but it does look as though your DSS’s mum is trying to outfit a large part of the class.
(I have just remembered that when my daughter transferred to the local high school - independent - her blouses cost £24 each, and this was in 1993 or thereabouts. I can’t recall the skirt/jumper/blazer/P.E. kits - just the blouses. I bought 3. On her last day in the fifth form she was under strict instructions not to collect signatures on her blouse; she wasn’t very pleased - but my mum wore them for years afterwards. They were made to last - as they should at £24 a pop)

We buy 5 sets of uniform for ours BUT that’s our choice!
It’s for our convenience because we find it so much easier to just wash all uniforms together and would struggle to get uniform washed through the week alongside our other commitments (we also have 5 uniforms each for our work as we both work quite physical jobs, all uniforms are different colours too so it helps to have a bulk amount of each we find)
Our 15 yo is my DP stepson but we would never expect his father to pay for any of his uniform outside of the usual maintenance he pays, let alone half of the cost of all 5! (Having said that, we’ve had various issues getting my 15yo dad to pay even minimum maintenance but that’s another thread)
Also, we buy the logo sweatshirts x5 for 5yo because it comes home FILTHY, food, pen, mud, paint etc. And while the weather’s been hot all that has been on his white polo shirt as he hasn’t worn a sweater! but only need one blazer for teen, so there’s hope that this will get better!

This year both have their trousers and shirts/polo’s from ASDA and last year we bought a mix of Aldi/Tesco for those items, they were all really good quality so I don’t know what her problem is with that.

This year we’ve spent £300 on the 2 who are schoolage for uniform. That might sound high but that’s school shoes for both (teen ds is men’s size 8!) trainers/PE shoes for both, football boots for teen, all usual clothing x5 and a new book bag for 5yo.