School uniform issues....

[jelly449]

Dh has a son who is starting primary in September. However he's spent the last 2 years going to the nursery attached part time and has worn the uniform to go to nursery.

Now dh does not mind contributing towards ds uniform at all. It's only fair. I have 2 dcs at school and we pay for their uniform obviously so contributing towards it really isn't an issue.

BUT here is where the issue lies.....

Dss mum wants to buy top of the range uniform - I.e from the more expensive shops. The school he goes to also has the logo sweat shirt and jumper which is optional. She wants him wearing these also.

The sweatshirts are £7.50 each. The jumpers are £15 each.

She wants him to have have 5 each of these! As she won't have time to wash them in the week apparently.

That's £56 just on these 2 items! He also needs 5 pairs of trousers but she won't do George or Tesco.....then there's pe kit, school shoes, underwear etc....

On top of this, she's just bought him an £80 winter jacket which we are expected to go halves on.

All in all I'm guessing she wants around £150 off us for uniform.

My dcs uniform is all from Asda. They are older and I know it's pointless buying more expensive stuff. It's all marked or covered in paint after a couple of weeks....or it's gone missing.

Dh has suggested to her that we buy his trousers, shoes shoes and p.e kit instead - as in actuality take him shopping for it. But she's said no, she just wants half the money.

How would you go about this? To me....it's such a lot. New uniform for my 2dcs wouldn't cost that much. But I'm not getting involved.

She does get maintenance by the way though I know that makes no difference as it doesn't cover uniform costs really. But I just want anyone reading to know that dh does pay for his son and he stays with us eow for a full weekend and one night on the other weekend. Plus half the school holidays usually.

He is her only child and is always dressed in new clothing. She goes mad if anything comes home marked etc. All our stuff for him is from primark....just the same as my 2dcs.

Is the ex unreasonable to expect us just to pay this? I know if we went out at bought him 5 pairs of George school trousers, she wouldn't let him wear them to school.

The issue is going to come up when dh drops him off later and I just thought I could get some advice on how to handle it....or just to pay it....I don't know. Just feel it's slightly extreme that's all.

I would add up the cost of kitting him out at the shops you normally go too s.g. Asda then give her half of that

Personally I would only ever send my child to school in correct branded/ logo on school uniform. Cheap looks just that, cheap and tacky.

It’s not really any of your business though, is it?

And the issue isn’t the comparison between what your children get and hers.

To play devil’s advocate, I probably buy what she is asking for each year -life runs a lot more smoothly with 5 sets of decent quality uniform that comes out the machine and tumble dryer in good condition. If DH and I split up, I’d be a bit miffed if he suddenly wanted to reduce his contribution because his new family did it differently.

If she has more than 50% residency, it probably has more impact on her. More impact, more say.

Who the hell buys 5 logoed school jumpers and shirts . Buy one of each and the rest from Asda. What a piss taker.

I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if someone has already mentioned. I bought 5 sets of all the logo stuff for DS when he started school. Ordered the woven labels with his name in, spent ages sewing them in. Was so proud of myself. By Christmas he had 1 logo polo shirt and 2 jumpers. The rest had gone missing. After that, it was tesco/asda ... funnily enough, none of that went missing. I bought one of all the logo stuff for when he went on school trips/photos etc. She'll learn with hindsight haha

@BoxsetsAndPopcorn I've said she's free to dress him as she likes!

But me and dh have a joint bank account, we share finances totally so in actual fact....yes it is something to do with me. Just as what I spend on my dcs is to do with him too. That's how our marriage works. There is no 'top earner' in our house and everything is equal.

And it's dh that's thinking she is being unreasonable. My post says how I am all on board for contributing to the uniform. My original thread says how it's only fair as I have 2 dcs. My ex will not and never has contributed any extra towards uniform. I know how expensive kids are....she is never ever left to feel dh is not contributing towards his child enough.

However thanks for your post....can never post anything without getting a 'know it all' reply

I buy five of everything for my two primary school age children. They have the logo sweatshirts and ties and a logo PE top but everything else is Asda's finest. I wash and iron at the weekend as I just don't have time during the week. £400 For 2 uniforms including coats. I think her budget is a little OTT personally.

Actually Sainsburys Tu is pretty decent quality and they’ll be having a 25% event soon. You could get six pairs of trousers and six polos for about £15

@happymummy12345 all very well if you can afford that. My children go to school smartly dressed in clean uniform every day. They don't look cheap and tacky by any means.

So the crux is he's paying for two children that aren't his which in turn means his child can't have the logo jumpers most of his class will have If he was paying decent child support there wouldn't be any need to be paying extra for uniform would there.

*The sweatshirts are £7.50 each. The jumpers are £15 each.

She wants him to have have 5 each of these! As she won't have time to wash them in the week apparently.

That's £56 just on these 2 items!*

Surely the maths is wrong - that's over £100 for those two items?

Bear in mind that at 4/5 years old, the child is likely to grow out of the uniform and his mother will be coming back...

I would agree what is reasonable - 2 or three jumpers OR sweatshirts, however many pairs of trousers etc - and then explain that and offer the mother half. Any extras that she wishes to buy for laundry convenience would really need to be on her, IMO.

It’s not really any of your business though, is it?

It is if she ends up contributing towards it, which if their finances are joint then she is.

OP, just ignore the goady fucker posts.

Your attitude is sensible and fair. You will contribute, but if she wants more than is reasonable she will have to find the rest herself.

@BoxsetsAndPopcorn lol. While he's been in nursery, uniform has not been compulsory. He's one of 3 children who has worn it and dh has felt sorry for him wearing it when non of the other children have been.

I also very much doubt the majority of children will be wearing the logo. That doesn't happen in my school. A third maybe west the logo. The rest plain.

I also very much doubt the children will notice the uniform. They are 4/5 years old.

In actual fact dss has said he wants a paw patrol lunch box to take as Eddie has one. Dh said he would buy him one. Ex then said 'no I've got him one from John Lewis, cost £25 so he's taking that'

And as for maintenance goes....like I'd tell you how much dh pays. I could say he pays 10 grand a month but that still probably wouldn't be enough in your standards. He pays the amount cms day plus £175 extra every 4 weeks.

He has a decent job, works hard, pays for ds - ds does not go without from us or his mother - has him as often as possible and is an amazing father. The end.

@Flopisonsomething no you are correct! It is about £112.50 for 5 sweat shirts and 5 jumpers! My figures were divinding that in half :-)

OP, stop engaging with the goady fucker. Boxsets comes into these threads to be provocative and controversial.

Just tell her to jog on! If she wants over the top expensive uniform stuff she can buy it herself. Cheek.

It's up to each parent surely? If she wants 5 she can have 5 if she buys them. I'd offer what you pay for your kids.
I buy 3 logo jumpers (which are dreadful quality) and 1 logo polo shirt because they have such high polyester content I only use them for school photos or trips. I buy asda pure cotton polos, and m&s trousers. I have 2 backup cheap jumpers.

@Topseyt ahh I see....did have the feeling it may be one of those! I shall shut up now, thank you. 😬

funinthesun18

Sorry, I disagree. What she can afford/prefers to buy for her children, depends on what maintenance she receives, budget for the DC etc. What her DH can afford for his DS is between DH and his ex-wife and the agreements between them.

Negotiating this within a blended family is between OP and her DH. But how they manage/prioritise their household budget can’t really be enforced on ex-wife.

She's well within her rights to dress him how she pleases - she is not within her rights to request silly money towards it when cheaper alternatives are available.

My friends are separated and the agreement is she pays for uniform and he pays for shoes (school shoes and trainers). It tends to then balance out as shoes are expensive perhaps suggest something like that.

Clarkes outlets are great value we go there and save a fortune.

Ah! Sorry!!

I get the idea of buying quality. I have learned with various trousers ( Asda/ Tesco/ Next) that they go white at the knees/ look well worn within 3 months. I buy M&S for all 3 of my boys. They are £10 (£12-15 for older) but you only need 3 and they have a hem which pops down as they grow. They last the whole year. Their shirts stay whiter, collars crisper and they are softer. Again they last all year. I buy in June when it's 20% off.
But £300 is excessive. I buy one wool logo jumper then plain wool ones fir shirt and tie days ( 3 days) and 2 logo sweatshirts/ polos for gym days, the rest are supermarket.

No more than £150 for that age ( inc socks / PE stuff etc) plus shoes and blazer. So although I sympathise with her need for quality/ amount she is definitely off the mark with £300.

My dd is one that when she's listening to the teacher, she fiddles with the cuffs on the sleeves until she can put her thumb through it lol. I can safely say when she's had logo ones in the past (tbf these have been hand me downs and not new) she's managed to wreck those a lot quicker than the supermarket brands!