To expect DH to sometimes say 'shall we do this' 'shall we do that'

[yaria]

Instead of it being me every fucking time ... so fed up of it , I'm not ready to put up with him doing DIY and watching footy or golf on tv every weekend . And I'm feeling angry/sad about it... can't live like this for another 20 odd years . Am I expecting too much ? Are other DH's like this ?

My oh is the “ shall we do” one in our relationship, but would love him to do a bit more diy!

Why isn't he allowed to spend his weekends as he wants? Can't you make plans if he wants to do some DIY or watch sport?

@SpecialBond but then we'd never do anything together

Mine is. It mostly works in my favour as I get to organise things I enjoy. I have occasionally said weekend of 14th is yours to plan.

You could try diy and watching sport?

Maybe he doesn't want to do stuff at the weekends? But comes along to your plans to be supportive? I get why it's frustrating but as someone whose greatest joy in life is to potter with no deadlines or schedule, if I have a free weekend I tend to prefer to just take it as it comes too.

I'm with you OP. My DH is exactly the same. It would be lovely if he suggested we do something....just the once would be nice.

There is only so much anyone can take just watching someone watching sport on TV - especially when you have absolutely no interest in it.

If you are the one that wants to go out and do things together then it is on you to suggest it. Doesn't sound like he refuses when you ask so what is the issue?

I hear you OP! It's the same here and it does my nut in! It's becoming like an extra chore for me and I do resent it.

It is irritating. But have you ever found out in advance when a big match he'd enjoy is on (I'm not including hugely advertised things like the World Cup in this!) and suggested you get some high quality snacks in and actively watch it together?

My husband's the same OP - drives me nuts! I even come up with plans for when I'm at work and he has the dc. I know I don't have to but then he will lie on the sofa the entire day!

Me and partner never do anything and I love it. Yes the occasional outing is nice but I lay on the sofa and read or watch my iPad he lays on the carpet watching sport. I potter about doing housework which I need to do on my own because DH doesn't do it to my standard we have a 7 month old and I love that we do this at weekend the only time we leave the house is to do food shopping and sometimes I go see my family but I'm so relaxed and comfortable I couldn't care what we are doing as long as it's together

You can't force someone to come up with ideas when they really want to do something else.

But zombie, do you never want to see friends, have other families over, attend events...
No offence meant if you are content but I'd go a bit mental if my only company was DH and a baby.

I hear you OP. My DH is like this too. He drives along way to work and is out the house for much of the days midweek also he decided to get a dog which restricts us further so I don’t mind having one day on a weekend pottering about at or near home but the entire weekend every weekend would do my nut in. As another poster said it’s like an extra chore. I have to book and plan our main summer holiday and a couple of shorter breaks away, organise time to see his family who live away and plan and organise days out and occasional nights out etc etc. I am good at organising things and I didn’t used to mind but every now and again it would be nice if he said shall I plan us a weekend away or even a night out including arranging a sitter, booking a restaurant or even shall I organise us a day out next Sat or Sunday and he did it in its entirety that would be a start).
We have just got back from a long countryside dog walk and he is now lying full stretch asleep on the sofa.

Oh, this pisses me off. And if I say 'Do you want to do something today/this weekend?' as a way of starting a discussion, he'll look shocked and say 'Oh, I hadn't thought about it.' I didn't expect you to have thought about it, FFS, I meant for us both to think about it NOW!

Nowadays I have started to get I haven’t thought about it or I have no particular desire to go anywhere but i’ll go if you really want to go which is really wearying.

We have Saturdays at home so DH can wind down and do his washing. Then Sundays are free. We may go out. We may not.

I get you

He lacks initiative

It becomes exhausting being the one who thinks, sorts and does it all.

I get this op. It is so irritating that I’m the one who comes up with what we are going to do. He’s great at forward planning things to do with his hobbies though

I know what you mean. Even if he does suggest going to the cinema, it's usually me that had to book the tickets, make sure food was done earlier for DD etc. Not a big deal, I know, but it's that aspect of being taken care of once in a while, which would be nice, that feeling of walking out the door without thinking, rather than a suggestion just turning into another list of tasks to be done.

DD is now 18 and (fingers crossed for good grades) will be at uni soon. I'm looking forward to certain aspects of it, more freedom, less cooking but dreading the boredom of those evenings. I actually think it may be the time when we decide to part ways.

@BagelGoesWalking exactly what I'm worried about too eventually

I wish my dh and my teens would stop replying "if you want" 🤷🏻‍♀️. A yes or no would be better or a suggestion would be appreciated.

My husband is always, always suggesting things for us to do and filling our weekends with activities etc and it’s exhsusting. Sometimes I just want to stay at home and do nothing.