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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect DH to sometimes say 'shall we do this' 'shall we do that'

33 replies

yaria · 05/08/2018 12:35

Instead of it being me every fucking time ... so fed up of it , I'm not ready to put up with him doing DIY and watching footy or golf on tv every weekend . And I'm feeling angry/sad about it... can't live like this for another 20 odd years . Am I expecting too much ? Are other DH's like this ?

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 05/08/2018 15:27

I hear you op. DH is like this, never organised anything at all but will constantly ask me questions about the stuff I've planned!

zombie999 · 05/08/2018 17:00

@Theshittyendofthestick yeah we go to events and stuff and my family often nip round during the week and I will go see them sometimes during the week same with friends but I find a lot of my friends and my partners friends are very much the same they don't go out and spend most time with family. I'm sure I would get bored eventually but at the moment I love it

TillyTadpole · 05/08/2018 18:07

It becomes exhausting being the one who thinks, sorts and does it all

This ^^

For example it was our 30th wedding anniversary last week. For 30 years I have come up with ideas as how to celebrate. This year dd mentioned to DH that our 30th anniversary was coming up and he should sort out something. His reply "Your mother will sort something out. I don't know what to do. I'll leave it to your mother".

FFS! Just take the initiative...just once! 🤬

Doidontimmm · 05/08/2018 18:19

Part of the reason mine is an ex!

adaline · 05/08/2018 18:34

I'm so glad I have a partner who is happy to just let me veg out at the weekend!

Today he went for a bike ride and I walked the dog. Then I plonked myself on sofa in front of the Big Bang theory while he did DIY. I did clean out my car and walk the dog again but otherwise I've had a lovely, chilled out day pottering round the house and doing some housework.

Maybe he doesn't want to be out and doing stuff all the time, but says yes to make you happy? If you don't have young children can you not just go out and leave him to it?

ShawshanksRedemption · 05/08/2018 18:41

Yep, and I think it was because I stopped working and did all the organising when the kids were little and had to think of things to entertain them (visit parks etc) and it's continued on from that. He just kicks back and relaxes whilst I do all the organising even when I'm now working F/T too. It's exhausting being the one who has to think about it all the time. I think if he just suggested it even once every now and then it would be a big help, but instead he's very passive and it's like he's become one of the kids instead rather than a parent who take an interest in their family doing stuff together.

FASH84 · 05/08/2018 18:48

I used to get a bit annoyed by this but then realised as long as I suggest something DH will be up for it, so essentially we do what I want to do most of the time. I make a point that I won't organise my own birthday and on holidays will research things to do in advance but get him to pick what we're doing day to day , I do encourage him to choose things himself but if he's not going to I will, I'm not going to sit around bored to make a point, because he sunny be bored and will find something to potter around with at home

wanderings · 06/08/2018 10:57

I usually begin this conversation with "let's have a think about what we'll do today", so that I'm not putting him on the spot there and then. If ideas come forth at once, then great! If not, we might do some brainstorming.

We also keep a list of things we might want to do, and places we might want to go, so we put them in where there's space.

We sometimes find it difficult to do things on the spur of the moment - we both like to wake up having some idea how the day will go, so we generally plan them a day or two in advance, there's less pressure that way.

If him not suggesting anything is bothering you, OP, then tell him it's bothering you. I have no patience for my DH seething about something I have or haven't done, if he fails communicate about it. If his body language is screaming "annoyance" at me, I've been known to say "if you don't tell me what's bothering you, I shall assume that nothing is wrong, so speak now, or forever hold your peace". Or in short, "speak up or shut up". Mind you, I do sometimes wonder if it's a symptom of being told to "stop moaning" as a child.

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