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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say roblox is not suitable for children and ruining our family life

128 replies

Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 16:14

Murder game with a knife ,shark game with machine guns,robbing a bank with guns ....are these suitable for children?? The constant request for money to be spent on the game..we downloaded it after reading an article saying how good it was for children to learn from.well yes he now knows the names of different machine guns...oh that's an AK 47 mum...I feel duped because I would not of downloaded it if I knew there was knives and guns.....he has autism,and I've had to remove his laptop to keep him off it ..

OP posts:
itchyknees · 04/08/2018 17:44

We deleted it. “It just won’t work on our sort of internet wire.”

And we don’t have Fornite or anything with live chat. My kids hate me a bit. [shrug]

Original poster
Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 17:44

Is in the main family room ...sorry

OP posts:
Flyingpompom · 04/08/2018 17:44

You are not a shit parent. You are giving him boundaries, this is your job. It doesn't always feel good. And it doesn't matter what other people's boundaries are.
Personally I'm very much anti violent games but happy for my kids to watch some quite sweary TV programmes. So half of the time people think I'm too strict, the rest of the time they think I'm terribly lax.
It's your call, and you're doing fine.

If I were you, I'd sit him down and tell him you'd like to give him the laptop back, but there are certain games that you don't think are good for him. Explain why, and tell him that you are going to trust him to play the games he's allowed. If he breaks that trust, he loses the laptop for a set amount of time.
I'd really big him up with the trust thing- you know he's sensible, he's a big boy now, you want to trust him. And then 'catch him being good' a few times- wander out of the room for a minute, and then praise him for staying on the allowed game.

One other thing I do is give realistic timelines- so if my DSs want to play a game I consider too mature, I might say, ask me again on your next birthday/Christmas and we'll reconsider.

I will also happily discuss my reasons, and take their views into account. My middle son talked me into allowing a certain game at age 11 because he showed me that you can turn off the 'gore' and he played it on mute so he didn't hear the swearing. They were my main objections so I relented, as long as he stuck to the agreed conditions. Which he did.

Shrimpi · 04/08/2018 17:47

Social media, having an online audience, (and the pressure that can create), exposure to anonymous predatory individuals, exposure to 24/7 online bullying, loss of control over your child's private data - these are bigger concerns imo and deviate much farther from what children (and adults) have always normally engaged in.

Don't think you are a shit parent OP! If being "addicted" to or "obsessed" with the games seems to be an issue then perhaps just strict rules about how long he is allowed to play are where you should focus. And on the bright side, consider how positive it is that your son wants to talk with you about what he encounters in games (even if AK47s aren't your ideal topic). Perhaps you could find some games to play together (on computer or not)? Have you asked him about what he enjoys about the games, or his strategies?

Original poster
Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 17:47

Thankyou flyingpompom...I could try that yes

OP posts:
SassitudeandSparkle · 04/08/2018 17:48

Ah well, if he won't stick to not playing the games he's not supposed to then yes, you are doing the right thing.

My DD lost her laptop for a week over something Roblox-related. The only time it has happened! I'm not a big fan of Roblox but my DD will stick to games and not play ones that she's not allowed to.

Original poster
Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 17:49

Shrimpie..yes we talk lots about blocsburg where has built his house in the roblox game and he has a job and 2 dogs

OP posts:
Flyingpompom · 04/08/2018 17:49

X-post with your comments about him not accepting your limits.
Could you make it a simple choice- laptop with your limits, or no laptop? If he breaks the rules when he gets it back, remove it immediately and try again tomorrow. If he screams when time is up, he's banned for tomorrow. Try again on Monday. Make this very clear to him before he starts and stick to it.

Original poster
Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 17:50

Someone said up thread to see what my friends children are playing and speek to them....even my friend with the 6 year old ,they all allow forgnight ,so they think it's rediculous I'm worried about a Lego game.

OP posts:
bullyingadvice2017 · 04/08/2018 17:53

You are the parent, he is the child. Say no and mean it. My kids don't like me sometimes. I'm not here to be their mate tho.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 04/08/2018 17:53

I think you’ve done the right thing in removing the laptop completely if he’s reacting like that. I’d give it at least a week - or two if you can bear it - and then talk to him again about the boundaries and limits you are setting on him playing on it.

Eg max 2 hours a day, between specific times might help him understand this better, what he can / can’t do. And the consequences if he doesn’t follow your rules. You’ll probably need to help him transition to a different activity at the end of the two hours. Might be better if the 2 hours are not first thing in the morning too...

My DD10 enjoys Roblox but I have never seen her play any of the more violent games you are describing. I suspect/hope she wouldn’t be interested but I shall take a keener interest in what exactly she’s doing now though so thanks for the heads up...

Original poster
Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 17:56

Ok.....I've had some really good ideas on here ,and I'm greatful for you all taking the time to help me..I'm going to sit him down and we are going to come up with a contract we all agree on .i will negotiate and compromise,and we will sign it ,then if he breaks the contact,there will be consequences.hes a clever lad ,he should understand that.perhaps I should of done this before removing the laptop...anyway can't turn the clock back ,have to move forward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 17:59

We are away on holiday from tomorrow for a week,so when we get home he will of been 2 weeks without it...so he may be willing to compromise,as I'm willing too...at the minute he's not willing to compromise at all.

OP posts:
28holid · 04/08/2018 18:00

Fortnite has a PEGI rating of 12. Your child is 8.

28holid · 04/08/2018 18:01

And just totally ignore me Blush

DH just started blathering about fortnite and mixed my brain

Original poster
Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 18:01

He's not on fortnight ...not ever

OP posts:
Sandra2010 · 04/08/2018 18:02

I banned my son from using Roblox at about 11. He wasn't happy but he had no choice, I was worried about who he was in contact with on it. Does he play Minecraft? They can only play with other people they're already friends with on that and I think it can be educational, they have to build things and use the resources around them to keep their character safe. They do have to kill things, but they're like zombies, spiders and skeletons and the killing is really just hitting them with a stick or sword. Much less violent and much more about building and survival.

Original poster
Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 18:02

My brain is scrambled too ....

OP posts:
ProudThrilledHappy · 04/08/2018 18:04

Hi Op if it is a windows 10 laptop and you set it up using Family settings, you can log into your windows account and block him from installing apps over a certain age range

You may also be able to specify apps he cant install without your permission

Look on windows website for guides and more info

colditz · 04/08/2018 18:11

Password the laptop. Delete the games you don't want him on. Do, however, bear in mind that at 8, he will have completely outgrown a lot of the games considered 'suitable' by you and this will be a source of misery for you both unless YOU compromise.

Time control the laptop. He can have it from x time to y time. You must be firm about this on both sides, YOU can't change your mind and take it, and he can't have it outside of those times. If he breaks your rules (and do make sure those rules are fair before you set them) it's a ban for the rest of the day.

You will have 2 weeks off it yes? DIscuss the new rules with him over those two weeks.

I have a computer obsessed ASD young man. I have lived this. The answer is NOT to panic and completely ban everything he's ever loved.

colditz · 04/08/2018 18:13

And think about this critically, what do you think is suitable for a twelve year old that ISN'T suitable for an 8 year old? What do you think is happening in these PEGI12 games?

Laiste · 04/08/2018 18:16

The 2 week break will help a lot. It will kind of start to re-set his mind and the holiday will take the pressure out of the situation a bit.

Your joint contract idea sounds really good. He has his own input ect. Take this chance to get it as strict as you can so that you have a little wriggle room built in for rewarding sticking to the rules. I would build in perhaps a day without screens at all in exchange for an hour extra or so on one of the other days.

DD2 (NT) used to get obsessed with PS1 when she was little - around age 5 till she was about 10ish (she's 23 now). Her 2 sisters would happily self regulate or come off it when i said so and play outside or with toys or whatever but DD2 would get snappy and moody and it would get to the point where i would have to prise the bloody controller out of her hand practically. So, periodically i used to announce a No Screen Time for anyone phase and stick rigidly to it. Shame for the other 2 but it used to work wonders. After about day 2 DD2's mood would lift and she'd join the real world again. Playing laughing and reading without pestering about gaming. We'd have that for about a month. Then i'd slowly re intoduce the PS again for the sake of the other 2. Couple of months later - off it would go again.

We had the console in the living room, played only age appropriate stuff and only ever allowed the TV on at all for a couple hours per day and still this was the case with DD2. Some kids just zone in so much it's hard to keep them real!

Original poster
Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 18:17

Colditz I don't know ...this is all new to me..I've 4 children..my otheres are adults,I did t have this problem with them..I just feel out of my depth

OP posts:
Original poster
Slimmingsnake · 04/08/2018 18:21

Laiste...thanks that's helpful to hear x

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 04/08/2018 18:33

Just throwing this out there, OP, as my dgd is only four and is not autistic, but I find that if I let her watch videos for over an hour, then I'll get tantrums when I want her to stop, whereas she will calmly come away from them as long as I don't leave her there too long.

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