Is this very weird?

[jueiw]

At the moment, DP and I are sleeping apart. I sleep in the double bed, whereas he sleeps on an airbed in the living room.

The reasoning is

1. the heat
2. He likes to sleep with the door window open
3. He has started to breathe really heavily and it keeps me up. Which wakes him up as I toss and turn
4. We have both become very territorial with our space, and I hate having anyone touching me when I'm trying to sleep

This situation has been occuring for a couple of months, and tbh I can already see we've lost a connection. But at the same time, sleeping together will just mean a bad night's sleep.

Does anyone else sleep apart, and do you worry about the effect on your relationship?

I don’t know anyone in rl that does this, however on here it seems common.

For me, it would be the beginning of the end. I can’t imagine wanting to sleep separately to my DP as a matter of course. Sometimes we do... if he’s snoring, or one of us doesn’t feel well, one of us is drunk and annoying, etc. but generally, I want to be close to him.

It's not weird and sounds very practical. Is there any way you can enhance connection in other ways?

We do sometimes, I struggle enormously with sleep at times so our reasons are also practical. Although my husband supports me in it he does prefer to sleep with me. I do think it can affect a sense of intimacy & closeness for us, & I wouldn't want to do it permanently. Like PP says, perhaps you can find other ways to remain close?

I would also add that in the short-term for us, staying in the same bed knowing I won't sleep would cause us more problems than sleeping separately. We sleep apart until I have got past that particular episode of bad sleep.

I sleep separately to my DH. We still get on very well, no problems.

Me and DH sleep separately at the minute - despite the kids going to sleep in their own beds one would come and get into our bed with DH and then I would end up taking the other into the spare bed when they woke. I used to go to sleep in our bed and move to the spare room when the first child woke but recently I have been going straight to sleep in the spare bed as my sleep is less disturbed that way. Although it’s not ideal from a relationship point of view it’s not going to be forever and as soon as the kids are sleeping better I will return to our room!

We have done it when DS was tiny and I was up and down with him all night. DH would come in if I called and would take DS down in the morning while I got a bit more sleep. It worked for us but wouldn't want to do it long term. Unless you're finding other times and places to connect/hug/have sex.

Don't worry what others do in their relationships, if it works for you keep at it.

We sleep in different rooms as DH is very snorey. We do however go to bed early and watch a bit of tv together in the same bed before going to sleep and he brings me a cuppa in the morning and gets in for half an hour. It works for us.

When I was younger I used to hear about couples who slept apart and always thought it was sad. Now as an adult I can see it's quite common, sometimes it's for sad reasons but more often that not it's just being practical. DP and I are in different rooms for child reasons and I am enjoying not sharing body heat or listening to his snoring! I think it's okay as long as you keep close in other ways.. affection throughout the day etc.

It's like I've been waiting for this thread.....

WE HAVE SEPARATE BEDROOMS!!!

Very similar reasons, I don't like being touched in my sleep, I'm a fidgety sleeper due to a back problem, DH is a snorer. I also get up ridiculously early for work, DH doesn't need to get up for around 2hrs after I've gone out.

We've been together 20years and slept apart (holidays excluded) for around 15 years, give or take.

DS even refers to our rooms as "mums room and dads room" because he's never known it any different.

Causes no issues whatsoever, we have a perfectly normal, affectionate relationship, including regular sex (in fact I'd say we have more regular sex than some of the other couples we know).

I often joke that separate bedrooms in the key to a happy marriage

I used to be embarrassed about it but I've come to realise it's actually more common that you think, people just don't like to talk about it!

I know 2 other couples who do the same and several who say they wish they had the bedrooms to be able to.

You could always have 2 (or whatever number you wanted) days a week that you shared to maintain closeness, and the rest you slept separately for the sake of decent sleep.

We sleep separately. He's got all sorts of strange breathing going on (think he needs to go to the docs) and I don't sleep anyway. We always get back in together in the morning. Works for me!

We've been together more than 35 years and have slept separately for the last 10 at least, we get on fine and are still intimate. I used to ship out into the spare room due to his snoring and my night sweats but over time it just became my room. I love having my own room, our tastes in decoration are very different so I can have my space exactly how I want it and it's great!

Sounds wonderful!

Separate bedrooms here too. DH suffers from insomnia so he’d wake me up if he came to bed four hours after me and then tossed and turned! We are still a very close couple in every way.

We manage to sleep in same bed on holiday, or if we have visitors who need the bed.

I know people who sleep apart, usually have their own rooms (they get together sometimes), but if you don't have a spare room it makes sense to sleep on an air bed. It's so hot at the moment I don't blame you one bit. Nice to have the bed to yourself.

We sleep separately quite a bit (various reasons, DH works away some weeks and odd hours the rest of the time and we're both prone to nodding off on the sofa and not making it to bed) and it does create distance if you're not careful. We combat it by paying a bit of extra attention to being affectionate when we are together, making a conscious effort to be physically close when we can.

Decent sleep is vital so I think you're right to prioritise it but you do need to balance it out in other ways so you don't end up feeling 'separate'.

We have been married 20 years and have slept apart for 10 years due to snoring issues.

However we have definitely lost our connection, although some of this is because our DD (who was a very difficult baby and toddler) was born and I just didn't have the energy / inclination to make the effort to reconnect.

Those who say their sex life hasn't been affected - how does this work? Do you visit each other at prearranged times?

we have had separate rooms for a few years now both snorers-works for us

DP has been sleeping in our spare room since this hot weather started - I’m going through the menopause at the moment so I’m unbelievably hot in bed, ooh er missus (always have been according to DP ).

TBH it’s working out great, we both love having a big double bed to ourselves and, well, it’s too bloody muggy and hot for frivolities like sex at the moment.

If I'd had to sleep in the same bed as my OH this summer he might not be alive to tell the tale.

We have a spare room. currently it is mine.

When it cools down a bit, I will go back. otherwise - no.

We have a deal that if one of us is still awake at midnight, sometimes 11:30, then they go through to avoid keeping the other awake. I just started going through at bedtime when my hayfever started to basically cut out the middle man.

We have a big bedroom and have separate double beds! It is great as we are both larger people and it means we can both spread out. Sometimes I wish we had separate rooms though for snoring issues!!

If you've already lost a connection then I'm not sure this arrangement will be good in the long term. Any way you can make it cooler in your room/invest in a bigger bed for more space?

A few of my friends sleep separately from their partners for similar reasons. I'm single, but makes total sense to me. When I was in a relationship, I didn't enjoy sharing a bed with my partner, especially when it was hot. And the snoring made me want to kill him! If you both get a good nights sleep and feel better for it then I can't see a problem at all.

Dp is a snorer and he likes to go to bed later than I do so we’ve always slept apart BUT we always get in to one bed together and have cuddle before we go to sleep and at the weekend one of us will often go into the others bed in the morning for a lie in together, so we don’t lose our connection but also don’t kill each other from lack of sleep.