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AIBU?

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Original poster

respect my sons privacy or ask wtf

41 replies

stuckinthemiddlewithu · 04/08/2018 00:12

I met my best friend when I moved into my house 10 years ago she lived across the road and we became friends pretty much instantly.

We are both single parents and her daughter is similar age to my son, my friend and I work together part time and our families are really close, we have xmas etc together

My mobile phone broke and my son gave me one of his old ones to use and there were text messages saved on it between my son and friends daughter that suggests that there has been intimacy between them, they are both now 18 but these texts go back a couple of years, would it be unreasonable for me to question my son about this or should I delete the texts and forget about it

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 04/08/2018 00:16

Forget it.
What would be your intention in mentioning it? Why do you think it’s your business?

Super123 · 04/08/2018 00:18

Definitely delete.

ImAIdoot · 04/08/2018 00:18

Yes it would be unreasonable.

You can't punish someone helping you with a phone by unwarranted prying into their private life, delete without reading and move on.

HollowTalk · 04/08/2018 00:19

Chuck it back at him and say, "Before I use it, just make sure there's nothing you want on there."

Poptart4 · 04/08/2018 00:22

Another vote for delete and forget. Theres nothing to be gained by bringing it up now.

Llanali · 04/08/2018 00:23

People under 18 do have “intimacy”, you know. And who better to “learn” or “experiment” with than a trusted partner you have known some time.

Unless there is an issue over consent in the messages then leave well alone.

Sparklesocks · 04/08/2018 00:24

Delete it. Whatever happened has happened. You wouldn’t gain anything by bringing it up, and he would likely be embarrassed

Disquieted1 · 04/08/2018 00:24

You were prying into another adult's text messages and now are unsure whether to ask them about a relationship they once had.

If put this way, it's pretty clear what you do. Nothing.

Sunnysidegold · 04/08/2018 00:25

I'd leave it. It's in the past and he's an adult now. What do you gain by bringing it up?

garethsouthgatesmrs · 04/08/2018 00:27

of course its unreasonable! he is entitled to have a relationship with whoever he wishes.

Rebecca36 · 04/08/2018 00:27

Absolutely not your business.

Lizzie48 · 04/08/2018 00:29

It's hardly all that surprising, is it, seeing how close your families are? It could have been far worse, there could have been a traumatic break-up; they've coped with it in a very mature way IMO.

And you were U to read his messages anyway. Hmm

Original poster
stuckinthemiddlewithu · 04/08/2018 00:35

just shocked to think this was going on when they were 15/16 and I was oblivious to it Shock should I tell my friend as its her daughter

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2018 00:36

Unless there is a suggestion that it wasn't mutually consented to, delete and forget. Don't mention it to your friend either

RoboJesus · 04/08/2018 00:42

Two teens who live near eachother hooking up is the most boringly normal thing ever. Your friend might already know

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 04/08/2018 00:42

No! They're not still 15/16 are they?

That horse has well and truly bolted. That horse is so far gone, everyone forgot there even was a horse.

They're both adults now, it's their business.

Lizzie48 · 04/08/2018 00:45

The problem is that you only found out because you intruded into your DS's privacy. He's an adult now so you had no business doing what you did. If you say anything to your friend, you could potentially destroy your relationship with him.

LeighaJ · 04/08/2018 00:48

Don't talk to anyone about it, it's not your business. He probably forgot the texts were on there.

Ginkypig · 04/08/2018 00:51

Think back would you be happy if at 18 your mums friend told your mum that you had an (consensual) intimate relationship 2 years before with a lad your own age?

Original poster
stuckinthemiddlewithu · 04/08/2018 00:51

thanks I agree with all your replies im just honestly so shocked, would never in a million years have expected this was going on

OP posts:
Anxious2niteaaah · 04/08/2018 00:53

You do realise it's legal to have sex at 16,...and they are now 18...what do you expect to happen if you confront him?...do you want him to beg your forgiveness, do you want to punish him and have your friend punish her daughter (you do know that at 18 you can't punish them)...

Forget the texts and delete..
It's weird that you would even need to question it, I mean are you wanting him to honestly give you a step by step detail of any/all sexual stuff they did together?Hmm

And how do you know if you bring this up with your friend that it won't turn out badly and strain your relationship with her ...

Forget you saw the messages and delete...

Janni01 · 04/08/2018 00:54

OP stop prying into their lives.

Leave the messages alone and pretend you never saw them.
Don't mention it to your friend as it's none of her business or yours.

28holid · 04/08/2018 00:56

Why would you tell your friend Confused

nibblingandbiting · 04/08/2018 01:00

No don't tell her mum. Why would you do that?

DiegoMadonna · 04/08/2018 01:02

Shocked that a pair of 15/16 year olds had a thing? Why?

And why would you say anything to him or your friend? It was 2 years ago!

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