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AIBU?

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Original poster

respect my sons privacy or ask wtf

41 replies

stuckinthemiddlewithu · 04/08/2018 00:12

I met my best friend when I moved into my house 10 years ago she lived across the road and we became friends pretty much instantly.

We are both single parents and her daughter is similar age to my son, my friend and I work together part time and our families are really close, we have xmas etc together

My mobile phone broke and my son gave me one of his old ones to use and there were text messages saved on it between my son and friends daughter that suggests that there has been intimacy between them, they are both now 18 but these texts go back a couple of years, would it be unreasonable for me to question my son about this or should I delete the texts and forget about it

OP posts:
Original poster
stuckinthemiddlewithu · 04/08/2018 01:02

yeah i know they are 18 and its not my business, I am just literally so shocked thinking that we left them alone at 15/16 and this was going on, as I have just found out now i'm thinking of him as a 15yo, just shocked thats all

OP posts:
garethsouthgatesmrs · 04/08/2018 01:04

Think of yourself at 15, would you want your mum to know everything you got up to, would you have wanted to discuss it with her?

dragonflyflew · 04/08/2018 01:05

I Would be shocked more because i had no idea rather than the act itself. Despite its being natural and sounds like it was consensual It’s hard when you think you know your own kids then find out something completely unexpected.its all part of the process of transition from child to adult. They start to detach a little and have their own private life and secrets.

Original poster
stuckinthemiddlewithu · 04/08/2018 01:06

at 15 no i definitely would
not want my parents to know what I was up to but as a parent I definitely would want to know what my child was up too,

OP posts:
raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 04/08/2018 01:13

Ah, OK. You're not actually going to tell anyone, this is about how you feel? In that case, YANBU, your feelings are natural.

Take time to process your shock. I prescribe a stiff gin!!

My mum was shocked when she caught me in bed with my BF at 16. I said "but what did you think I was doing with ?"

Yes, it's a shock. I'd be shocked if I had no idea, even thought I was up to it at the same age.

Take time to process the shock, but leave them out of it.

Thankewe · 04/08/2018 01:15

What made you think they shared intimacy? They may not have

Original poster
stuckinthemiddlewithu · 04/08/2018 01:22

im just going by the texts between them and it seems although they were sleeping together

OP posts:
pallisers · 04/08/2018 01:26

tbh I'm shocked at you being shocked.

I am the most conservative, boring, involved mother ever - I cannot relate at all to the posts on MN saying "he/she is 16 and is an adult" but

  1. they are now 18 - so none of your business
  2. so they had a sexual relationship at 16 - lots do. I'd rather know if it was my kid but I wouldn't be stressing about it 2 years on.

you need to forget what you read basically.

BlankTimes · 04/08/2018 01:27

I am just literally so shocked thinking that we left them alone at 15/16 and this was going on

You need time to process your shock. Please don't say anything to anyone about the messages, it's 2 years in the past and there's absolutely nothing to be gained by mentioning it to anyone.

Would you really have been so shocked if it was someone else's son and a similarly aged girl left alone a lot at that age, or would you have realistically thought sex was a likely outcome?

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2018 01:33

I hope you wouldn't tell your friend, ffs. That would be a total betrayal of your son. Stay out of it because it's none of your business.

Ginkypig · 04/08/2018 01:35

Well put it this way at least his (likely) first time was with a nice girl who he had a healthy friendship with before hand and that they obviously treated each other well because there hasn't been any fallout between them since it happened.

So many of us boys and girls have awful first experiences! Drunken fumbles that we regret, being forced before we're ready, not being mature enough to realise the other person is using us and then breaks our hearts, the person tells all their friends who then rip the piss out of you. The list goes on and on!

At least your son can look back (hopefully) and his first time story is I lost it to my childhood friend, we didn't stay together but we stayed friends after.

FlyingMonkeys · 04/08/2018 01:55

Sure you could question him... What do you expect him to say though? They're both 18 now, they had consensual sex at 15/16? I'd say he's be mortified you'd felt the need to drag up his sexual past from 2yrs ago and that horse has long since bolted... why tell her mum? 'Are you aware your daughter slept with my son 2-3yrs ago?'. What do you think she'll do? Offer her contraceptive advice 3yrs on?

FlyingMonkeys · 04/08/2018 01:57

If you lent your son your old phone and there was sexual content regarding yourself and a partner on there OP would you like him to discuss it with you?

QueenDoris · 04/08/2018 02:04

Unless you have a two year old grandchild I suggest they managed to handle themselves appropriately.

rainbowsandsmiles · 04/08/2018 02:06

Oh jeez. Mum to a teenager here.As much as you don't want to have seen the messages, they've done nothing wrong! Delete and ignore and try to pretend you never saw them.

Pengggwn · 04/08/2018 05:30

Done and dusted. What is to be gained, other than embarrassing your son, upsetting your friend and generally looking like you lack boundaries?

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