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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this baby shower invitation in beyond weird?

59 replies

Steelediver · 02/08/2018 16:24

I’m not a fan of baby showers anyway, but today I received an invitation with the details on and other cringey baby related stuff, plus a footnote at the end telling me that although they’re pleased to have everyone attend, they do request no one shares details of the day on social media Confused.

Everyone who cares she’s pregnant already knows. AIBU to think they is beyond controlling and precious?

OP posts:
Nofunkingworriesmate · 02/08/2018 17:02

I absolutely hate it when a quick snap at a do ends up on Facebook and no ones asked my permission,
It's very upsetting
Here are some reasons why they don't want it in Facebook:
Someone they love isn't coming ( infertility, baby loss, etc)
Someone they don't like isn't invited
Had to choose between two people who don't get on ( divorce) and don't want other person knowing about it
Dont want there baby on f.b even as a bump
It's tacky
Mum to be have body issues and self esteem issues
May have a person recovering from body issues
May have guest who is fostered or adopted and can't be on social media
May have guest who is in safe house/ escaping abuse situation
Could have professional photographer and they all now ask people to put phones away to avoid crappy shots of everyone with their phones out( v common request at weddings these days)

AynRandTheObjectivist · 02/08/2018 17:08

Of all the things to get pissed off about regarding baby showers, this isn't it.

LockedOutOfMN · 02/08/2018 17:09

I've only read the OP. I think it's totally reasonable to ask that guests don't post on social media, and I hope it becomes the norm for people to ask before doing so!

Racecardriver · 02/08/2018 17:19

YABU. They may be worried about someone turning up uninvited. I didn't invite a lot of people to my wedding out if fear that my mother would somehow find out and turn up.

ladycarlotta · 02/08/2018 17:28

you also don't know whether they have anything in particular going on at the shower that they don't want shared elsewhere. What if the baby has a genetic condition or a birth defect that they want to share about in person but don't want to put all over fb?

pictish · 02/08/2018 17:29

Yabu - not wanting every event, detail, occurrence or occasion of your life advertised all over social media is not ‘beyond controlling and precious’ - it’s valuing your privacy and living your life quietly without needing all of it to be assessed and validated on Facebook!

I get so pissed off with being tagged in photos and posts every time I set foot outside my house to attend something or meet someone. I don’t need my every move made public thanks. I think it’s normal to want some control over that.

Yabu. Yabu. Yabu.

Summerof2018 · 02/08/2018 17:36

Is it a gender reveal party as well? Maybe that's why they don't want it on FB etc...?

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 02/08/2018 18:05

If her pregnancy is all over Facebook then presumably she wants to be the one to post all the pictures etc hence the no social media statement.

Not being able to put it on Facebook would be the least of my worries re a baby shower, I'd be making sure I had other plans that day. Hate the tackiness and grabiness of them.

rainbowsandsmiles · 02/08/2018 18:38

YABU, it's not up to you whether you put pictures up of someone else or their celebrations on FB. (I say this as someone who puts stuff on FB all the time.)
The difference being, it's my stuff.Nobody else's.
She'll have her reasons and if it was me if asked not to, I'd respect that.

Mousefunky · 02/08/2018 18:55

By the sounds of it she will be having a professional photographer there and only wants those photos posting.

Original poster
Steelediver · 02/08/2018 19:04

Surely people don’t have professional photographers at baby showers?! It actually wouldn’t surprise me.

OP posts:
PurpleTrilby · 03/08/2018 15:45

I have a rule with facebook. I use it all the time, but I only tell people I've done something after the event, not before. I don't want random people turning up or hassling me about future plans, as happened with a birthday party (though the person who turned up found out about it from a mutual friend separately, that was all private message stuff to do with the organising of it, which I specifically said not to share more publicly). It's also a good way to avoid being burgled. People post stuff about their forthcoming 2 weeks on holiday, well then other people can find out when they are away and if so inclined, hit the property when they know they are away.

troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 19:27

Possibly the least weird baby shower request I've heard. Disappointed.

If anyone knows of anything proper weird baby shower related, please let me know. I have a hankering now, it's been a while.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/08/2018 19:30

Maybe she's not invited someone on her FB who'd have expected an invite?

GreenMeerkat · 03/08/2018 19:42

I find baby showers weird full stop. If friends and family arrange it as a surprise then fair enough but arranging your own is just odd and a bit grabby!

incywincybitofa · 03/08/2018 22:08

I'm not sure why she needs to have a reason to not want her event on SM.
Op doesn't mention if the mum to be even uses SM.
What I find unreasonable is people who object to you not wanting to be on IG or FB or Twitter.

hibbledibble · 03/08/2018 22:20

Maybe they've explicitly not invited some problematic people in their lives and don't want said people kicking off when they see on social media that there was a party and they didn't get an invite?

This, or maybe they simply want to keep news of the pregnancy off social media. It shouldn't be that shocking that people don't want to share everything on social media, but it has somehow become so these days.

LeighaJ · 03/08/2018 22:26

"LML83

I am assuming someone is not invited and to save feelings host is trying to keep it quiet."

^This.

@Steelediver

"I’m not a fan of baby showers anyway, but today I received an invitation with the details on and other cringey baby related stuff"

Sounds like they should have shortened the guest list by one more. Wink

Rebecca36 · 03/08/2018 23:28

It horrifies me to think that people assume private stuff will be put on social media.

You are being unreasonable, respect your friend's privacy.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 04/08/2018 00:24

yabu - dont go and stop being an arse

GenerationX2 · 04/08/2018 01:46

YA NOT BU at all in any way especially if she posts everything about her pregnancy all over FB

TillyTadpole · 04/08/2018 02:00

I have been invited to my very first baby shower (neighbour). Can someone please tell me what is a baby shower? What am I supposed to do? I am thinking I have to take a gift for baby? Anything else?

I'm not surprised that the host has requested the event not be shared on FB. I wouldn't want my business shared on social media by anyone else. If it's to do with me or mine I'd prefer to be the one to share it - or not.

BlueberryPud · 04/08/2018 02:45

I just found it strange that it’s specifically states not to on the invitations

It seems to be default nowadays for some people, that they post everything they do, everything they eat, and everywhere they go, on Facebook.

Knowing her friends fall into this category, I don't find it at all strange that she wants to keep pictures of her own baby shower within her own control.
Why does it have to go up on Facebook at all?

How is it controlling to not want other people to share the details of your own personal life on facebook?

I'm having a significant birthday soon. I have lots of friends who are invited to my significant birthday party. I've invited the people I want there, and not invited some people who I don't really want there.

How and why would it be ok for some people to splash it all over facebook?
I don't think it's at all strange to politely ask your friends to keep your personal event off Facebook. I'm amazed that she would have to put it on the invitation, and that it didn't actually go without saying.

I'm beginning to think the world is turning into a place where, if it's not on Facebook, it didn't happen.

And then there's the rest of us, who have an actual life.

BlueberryPud · 04/08/2018 02:59

Everyone who cares she’s pregnant already knows. AIBU to think they is beyond controlling and precious?

Everyone who cares already knows. If you put it on Facebook the world and his wife and everybody who doesn't give the slightest flying fuck will know. Why can't she be allowed to keep it private?
And share what she wants with whom she wants?

I think your thinking is skewed.

ViserionTheDragon · 04/08/2018 19:25

YABU - don't have much else to add to what other PP have said already.