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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my child to believe in the ‘dummy fairy’

78 replies

Fevs · 01/08/2018 22:46

My child has loved his dummy for 3.5 years. Over the past year we’ve managed to reduce his usage to night time sleep only but we think enough is enough and the dummy has to go!
I’ve asked various friends and a popular technique to get rid is the dummy fairy. So for the past couple of weeks we’ve built this up and tonight all of his dummy’s were put in a sock (apart from the one in his mouth) for the dummy fairy to collect (she’s going to grab the one from his mouth too). In return she’s going to leave him a toy.

I think he gets it. He seems to nod and agree but whether he still understands tomorrow night is beyond me.
Did anyone else do this and it be a success?
If so was it immediate or did it take time?
And most importantly.... did it affect their sleep?
No going back now......

OP posts:

Zebrasinpyjamas · 02/08/2018 06:46

I would say dc1 took a week or two to sleep through on the same way as before. Our dummy fairy came at three years old. He understood they weren't coming back but it was sad about it. I was so surprised when SIX months later he randomly told me he still missed them and they made him feel better when he was sad!

We had an abortive attempt to get rid of them at 2 but actually I'm glad we waited until three yo as it was nearly as painful as the first try was. We just had to wait out the transition as he got used to it.

Original poster

Fevs · 02/08/2018 06:56

We have literailly thrown them out now so I can’t go back even If I want to! Ha

He seems to be ok. He’s pleased with his toys and is happily playing but has has stopped and said where have all the dummies gone?

Another thought I’ve just had is my mil has got a couple of dummies at her house as sometimes looks after him.
Should she do the dummy fairy ritual too - although I don’t know the next time he’ll sleep over there so it could massively drag it out - or shall I just get her to throw them and say the fairy came there too and left him another toy?

Am praying for no drama tonight...!

OP posts:

BendydickCuminsnatch · 02/08/2018 07:04

DS gave up dummies himself just after little bro came along - bit through them all and it was up to him whether to put in bin or keep. He chucked them.

THEN he started stealing brother’s dummies a few weeks later. Eventually bought him some of his own to avoid him biting through brother’s/germs etc.

Then around 3 we did the dummy fairy if sorts (we had done the bottle fairy previously). We went to choose a toy with him and basically went cold turkey. He was fine and the whole toy/fairy thing seemed more to ease our own conscience. He maybe asked a couple of times but DS2 doesn’t have dummies anymore either (9 months old) so we are a dummy free household which is weird! There have been a couple lying on the bedroom floor for weeks but they’re ignored.

So basically he gave them up when he was ready and now he has access but isn’t interested (3 and 3 months). Same with potty training, we tried once, failed, then tried again and he basically did it himself. DS2 gave up dummies by himself about 6 months. DS1 gave them up around 3 years. you could tell he really NEEDED dummies for those 3 years. 🤷🏻‍♀️

fabulous01 · 02/08/2018 07:07

We did dummy fairy with glitter and 7 months later they still say the fairy took them ( every time we see a fairy)....
in hindsight I wish I hadn't done it as mine weren't ready and we had months of bad nights (they were under 3). But we won't go back and they don't want them now
Good luck

SoyDora · 02/08/2018 07:13

We did it at just under 2 with no issues at all. Both understood the concept of the dummy fairy and neither of them ever asked for a dummy again! No problems sleeping at all (and DD2 used to have around 8 in her bed!). Within days they were telling everyone that ‘dummies are for babies’.

kaytee87 · 02/08/2018 07:23

Just get her to throw them out now. Doing it again there will just remind him of his dummy.

donkeysandzebras · 02/08/2018 07:51

I so wish we'd forced a dummy on DS rather than let him suck his thumb. It is proving impossible to stop and we can't go cold turkey well not unless we chop it off

Flyingpompom · 02/08/2018 07:58

There's a farm near here where you can leave your dummy for the baby piglets. You get a certificate and everything! We did it for our DC, worked beautifully!

McT123 · 02/08/2018 10:06

For the anti-dummy brigade...I didn't give my son a dummy so he sucked his thumb. He is now 23 and still occaisionaly sucks it when he is tired - wish I had given him a dummy which the dummy fairy could have taken away...

Stormtrooper1986 · 02/08/2018 10:08

A friend of mine took their son to build a bear workshop and made a big thing about putting the dummy inside of the bear and he got to keep the bear - he was there to watch the whole thing and really got to be a part of the process to give be the dummy up and got an cute bear as a treat - he was fine with giving it up -

I give my son a dummy - I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks - anyone with negative opinions on tk here please keep them to yourself it’s not what the OP was asking ! Everyone parents differently and just because you may not like them doesn’t mean your opinion is right !

RhubarbTree · 02/08/2018 10:11

We did the dummy fairy too. DD left one a night in the garden for about 3 nights and then when they were all gone, the dummy fairy left her a cardboard covered in fairy stickers. We did it over a few nights so we had more opportunity to talk with her about the dummies going and when they were all gone, she settled without any fuss at all. (I was staggered!). She still talks about the dum dum fairy but she’s never once asked for a dummy again. Good luck

Original poster

Fevs · 02/08/2018 13:10

Ooo the build a bear concept sounds great. As does putting the dummies in the garden, my son seems a bit apprehensive about going into his room now that the fairy’s been there!

So he’s already asked for a new dummy but I’m explaining again what’s happened and showing him his toys so fingers crossed....

OP posts:

bettybyebye · 02/08/2018 14:14

We got rid of dds 2 weeks ago on her 3rd birthday. We didn’t do the dummy fairy but for around 3 months before her birthday talked about how when she was 3 she would have to send her dummies to the babies because because big girls of 3 don’t need them. She accepted this happily but I thought would kick off when it actually happened. At bedtime on her birthday she said “oh where’s my nee nees? Oh yes gone to the babies” and that was it! She has literally never mentioned them since. However her sleep has suffered slightly, it’s taking a bit longer for her to nod off at bedtime and she is consistently waking up earlier than she used to 😓 however I am hoping this will settle down soon!

Deadringer · 02/08/2018 14:31

When my eldest gave up her dummy (to santa) she started sucking her thumb. She needed orthodontic work done and when she was about 10 we were told that she had to stop sucking it, and quickly. The best method is socks on their hands at night, with tape around the wrists so they don't come off. We tried everything else and that was the only thing that worked. None of our other dc sucked their thumbs thank goodness. As pp said they are unsettled for the first night or two, but whatever happens make sure the dummies stay gone, it's so worth it in the long run.

Blaablaablaa · 02/08/2018 14:38

@redland12 are you as ride and judgemental in real life? My DS had them until he was 3 - it was a way we could all get some sleep!

It doesn't appear to have affected his speech - he's exceeding all age appropriate milestones. Research actually shows living in a language rich environment (or otherwise) has the biggest impact on a child's speech. Not the usage of a dummy.

Op not read the full thread but the dummy fairy worked for us. He really liked the idea of donating his dummies to his new baby cousin - we told him that's what the dummy fairy did. Good luck!

Blaablaablaa · 02/08/2018 14:45

Oh and @redland12 it's should have not should of.......

The definition of irony right there 😂😂😂

Lindorballs · 02/08/2018 14:46

We did this last year when DD was 3.5 also. The dentist said her teeth were pushing forward a bit having been fine up until that point. Worked well. She was a bit upset the second night - obviously didn’t have the present to look forward to. She had a bit of a regression a month or so later saying she missed her dummy but we just cuddled/reassured and after a week or so she was over it. Her baby brother has one now and she doesn’t think anything of it. Her speech is and always has been excellent btw. Not had any impact at all.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 02/08/2018 15:05

Slight derail but dummy police really rile me.

Why don't you come to my local NICU in a large regional centre of excellence for neonatology and explain to the consultants and neonatal nurses how stupid they are for promoting dummies?

When DS was born he was 1.6kg. He was grey, listless and so thin his skin hung off him in folds. He had a suck reflex but he was so weak he would only manage two or three fluttery sucks on the breast before the effort was too much and he drifted off into an exhausted doze. In fact, he was so weak he had to be fed a dextrose solution directly into his veins as the calories expended in digesting milk were too much for his little body.

Today he is 5mos old, alert, active, and breastfed. Dummies played a key role in that transformation. We used them whenever possible, particularly when he was tube fed, so he learnt to associate suckling with feeling full and also the sucking action built his jaw muscles.

I don't know how we will get rid of dummies but they certainly have their place.

Original poster

Fevs · 02/08/2018 19:39

@redland12 Hasn’t actually commented here again since... hopefully they’ve had a change of heart re dummies

So he was so exhausted tonight I think he’s gone to sleep but in bed he did say I want my dummy back and then asked if he could use his little sisters dummy - I stupidly let him use it out of desperation a few months ago.
He then cried mummy for about 5 mins but I think he’s gone off now.
Let’s see what time he awakes tomorrow...

OP posts:

Original poster

Fevs · 02/08/2018 19:40

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff so sorry to hear what you had to go through but he sounds like he’s doing so well now thank god x

OP posts:

Poodletip · 02/08/2018 19:49

All three of mine gave up dummies with no major issues around the age of 2. We just did cold turkey. 1 or 2 nights of them missing it and then it was done. Good luck.

ElfrideSwancourt · 02/08/2018 19:58

I'm a dentist and dummies are so much less damaging to teeth than thumbs. Also an ENT consultant I worked with told me that all the sucking was really good for babies' development of ears etc.

This was about 25 years ago so it's v interesting to read that they are used in prem babies.

Both my DCs had a dummy, and both got rid of them at about 3 , using Father Christmas for one whose birthday was near and dummy fairy for the other.

My mother didn't ever approve but why not make your child happier?

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 02/08/2018 21:06

The Dummy Fairy took my dd's dummies on her 3rd birthday. Worked like a charm.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/08/2018 21:10

My little sister was the same. She buried her dummies in sand for the dummy fairies to give to new children... we gave her a toy and whenever she asked about her dummies (which got less frequent!) we reminded her that they'd been buried...

There was an emergency stash in the kitchen but we held out and she did okay.

TingleTots · 02/08/2018 21:11

With your lack of glitter, download the Capture the Magic app, take a picture of DC asleep tonight and plonk the fairy pic next to them, instant magic!

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