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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my child to believe in the ‘dummy fairy’

78 replies

Fevs · 01/08/2018 22:46

My child has loved his dummy for 3.5 years. Over the past year we’ve managed to reduce his usage to night time sleep only but we think enough is enough and the dummy has to go!
I’ve asked various friends and a popular technique to get rid is the dummy fairy. So for the past couple of weeks we’ve built this up and tonight all of his dummy’s were put in a sock (apart from the one in his mouth) for the dummy fairy to collect (she’s going to grab the one from his mouth too). In return she’s going to leave him a toy.

I think he gets it. He seems to nod and agree but whether he still understands tomorrow night is beyond me.
Did anyone else do this and it be a success?
If so was it immediate or did it take time?
And most importantly.... did it affect their sleep?
No going back now...... Hmm

OP posts:
Fatted · 01/08/2018 23:07

Don't justify your dummy use OP! I used one for both my boys. DS1 could pronounce Micropachycephalosaurus at 2. Redland, you try that now at whatever age you are!

We never did dummy fairy. DS1 gave them up with no fuss. DS2 who's a bit more anxious/likes his comforts needed a bit more coaxing. It coincided with eldest losing his first tooth and the whole tooth fairy thing. So we convinced DS2 he would get something like his bother got from the tooth fairy if he gave up his dummy.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 01/08/2018 23:09

Going against the grain slightly but I say pick your wars.
I used a dummy to go to sleep until I was 7.
(Stopped at 2, then baby sibling came along, and little Van regressed big time.)
Back then dummies were some sort of natural rubber and utterly delicious. I stopped out of sheer embarrassment at my first sleepover. My parents never gave me a hard time about it (but they were quite strict on other things). My teeth are good.

Polly2345 · 01/08/2018 23:09

Ooh. Will be doing something similar soon so placematking for ideas.

What point do they serve? At the point we gave my DD a dummy (about seven weeks old) she hadn't slept for more than 90 mins at a time for several days and was v tired and grumpy (as was i!) After we gave her it she slept for several hours. It saved my sanity and really helped her. Her speech is light years ahead of all her peers - people, including health professionals, comment on it all the time. My friend's child, who never had a dummy, is currently being assessed to see if they need speech therapy.

Original poster
Fevs · 01/08/2018 23:09

@SunflowerJo08
That’s such a nice idea, we only moved ourselves recently, that could have worked well.

He also has a comfort blanket that he also only uses at night that he’s had for a good couple of years so I’m hoping that the removal of the dummy won’t be too severe if he’s got that still...
am actually really intrigued to see @arethereaneftatall - hopefully he’s like yours and although is very attached now it will be out of sight out of mind....

OP posts:
Original poster
Fevs · 01/08/2018 23:15

@Bouledeneige from a lot of the responses here so far it sounds like removing them has gone pretty well so I’m feeling optimistic.
I think as a child gets older they must find it way easier to settle themselves. It’s impossible for a tiny baby who only wants a boob 24/7 to do the same.
It’s a case of breaking a habit, not an addiction.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fevs · 01/08/2018 23:16

@sirmione16 off to the kitchen I go...... Grin

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 01/08/2018 23:17

@Redland12
It's a real shame to put what a baby looks like above their comfort.

kaykay72 · 01/08/2018 23:27

I chose not to give my kids dummies but they were mainly good sleepers - my sister would have gone insane if her son hadn’t settled with a dummy. Every child and every family is different, you make choices that are right for you xxxx

Near us there’s a country park that has a ‘dummy fairy tree’ by the lake, with a sign on, that is chock a block with dummies on ribbons hanging in it. I’ve never seen this before but it’s quite a cute thought

LynetteScavo · 01/08/2018 23:28

The dummy fairy visited DD around her 3rd birthday. She now hates fairies, and did not like the toy the fairy left! She was unsettled going to sleep for three nights, but was pretty much ok after that. It was a habit not a need by that age...for those who don't know some babies need to suck constantly. And it wasn't going to be on my boob all day!

SpottingTheZebras · 01/08/2018 23:32

Shouldn’t of started off with them in the first place! They make a child look ridiculous with it stuck in their mouth. Slows their speech too. What point do they serve? Horrible things.

Ever been in NICU to see premature babies who have been fighting for their lives? They usually have dummies. They serve a massive point in terms of getting them to suck and feed. They also help babies with reflux so they don’t comfort feed to ease the acid, which in turn leads to excess vomiting.

IGiorni · 01/08/2018 23:40

My son had severe reflux and CMPA. He would vomit frequently then want to feed again, then vomit again in an endless cycle. Dummies stopped him from doing that. As long as children do not have them in all day unnecessarily when learning to talk, they are unlikely to cause problems.
We did the dummy fairy at about 2.5, he put his dummies in the garden and the ‘fairy’ left a toy in return. He asked for it once on the second day but was fine when I reminded him. No problems at all.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 01/08/2018 23:40

What a totally unnecessarily and unhelpful comment Redland12
It is clear in the OP that the poster is looking for help and support on dummy weaning. If you want to bitch or vent about dummy's that is your prerogative but maybe start your own thread, don't hijack another persons and insult their parenting choices. Bad form

OP my DD was on night time only and coincidentally it was around Christmas time so I said Father Christmas needed the dummies for the new babies and the babies that were a little poorly. She left them out alongside a mince pie and carrot on Christmas Eve and that was the last she mentioned of it.

Chocolate1984 · 01/08/2018 23:45

I did the dummy fairy. My daughter was ok going to sleep without her dummy but developed a deep hatred for the fairy that took her dummy & wanted to know why she took it and why she won't give it back. We had to removed the fairy door from the hall.

Bobbiepin · 01/08/2018 23:48

redlandthere is no such thing as a stupid child.

Only stupid MN opinions. Good luck OP! I'll be doing this with DD in the coming months (Once she's settled at nursery) and I'm dreading it!

Onwhitehorses · 01/08/2018 23:54

Avoid at all costs new parents!

Or maybe not. My DD had a dummy and was a brilliant sleeper thanks to it. It was a life saver for us.

Sad that there are such judgmental people out there, and of course they dont make a child look stupid, what nonsense.TBH there are many things to get worked up about in life, and a child taking a bit of time to give up a dummy isnt one of them.

I read DD 'The last noo noo' by Jill Murphy and that helped her stop. Best of luck.

Duskqueen · 01/08/2018 23:55

We did this with my 4 year old DD last night, I know we left it a little late to get rid, we would have rather done it when she was 3, but we had a new baby, then moved house so we wanted her to be more settled first. Anyway she went to sleep without a dummy in last night, we put her dummies on her chest of drawers and I crept in and switched them for a toy, she kicked up a bit of a fuss tonight but is sleeping fine now.

ShouldofWouldofCouldof · 02/08/2018 00:02

Good luck op. My eldest didnt have one but i think i would of been commited with my second if she didnt have one! She got chicken pox v v badly at 5wks old, blisters in her mouth sucking was the only thing that soothed them so out came the dummy. We gave up at 2.5, we left them for the fairies to give to new babies, (the faries left her a new teddy and snuggly blanket) my dd understood as much as she could. She asked for it for a few nights and a had a few minor tears, i just reminded her that the fairies took them for the babies and she was a big girl now. And ignore the haters!

rainbowlou · 02/08/2018 00:07

My dd accidentally bit a hole in her dummy and then declared it broken! I then put holes in all of them because each ‘flat’ one wasn’t any good for her and she chucked it! Everyone we found a broken one she said oh dear..and realised they were ‘crap’Grin
It then worked years later for my Ds too..Smile
Good luck xx

thegreatbeyond · 02/08/2018 00:14

I've 3 children, and only my middle child used a dummy. He's almost 16 now, super clever and wants to be a Dr. He's doing ok ;)

Seriously, it's no big thing.

LiveatCityHall · 02/08/2018 00:35

We used the dummy fairy at 2.5 and it worked perfectly. He was so excited at getting his present that we never heard about dummies again.

@Redland12 really? It slows their speech?? Maybe in your experience but my son is nearly 5 and has been speaking in full sentences since he was 15m old!!

hearmyvoice · 02/08/2018 00:44

Did dummy fairy with DC1 at nursery and put on the dummy tree and next day he got a present from the fairy at nursery.
with Dc2 at age 3, took them on holiday said dummy fairy would take it from the beach and got a pressie for the next day, this one worked better for extremely stubborn DC2 because we were all so shattered from playing on the beach all day that come nightime dc2 was asleep before realising there was no dummy then the habit stuck when we got home.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/08/2018 06:20

Shouldn’t of started off

I’d learn the difference between ‘of’ and ‘have’ if you’re going to suggest anyone looks ridiculous, Redland12.

For the people I know who’ve employed the dummy fairy, it’s worked best when the dummy fairy brought a toy they really wanted.

Original poster
Fevs · 02/08/2018 06:22

Thanks so much for the support all.
It’s very reassuring to hear success stories. I was told about how well father Xmas worked but I just didn’t think I could leave it until then. Annoying!
Sounds like he’s already awake which is admittedly earlier than usual!
Will have to go in once I’ve fed my daughter and see what he thinks.....
I just hope my husband removed the one he was sleeping with before work as instructed or this will all have gone a bit wrong...... Blush

OP posts:
PeonyTruffle · 02/08/2018 06:36

We did this with my very nearly 4yr old a couple of weeks ago.

We put all the dummies in a bag and chucked them in the garden, the dummy fairy took them away for the new baby's and left a note saying thank you and a reward chart (with a shit load it birthday table confetti to make it look fairy like and realistic!)

The reward chart had 10 spaces and after every night of no fuss, he got a sticker in the morning. Once they were full, he got a toy of his choosing

Bribery was the way forwards, he absolutely smashed it, no fuss at all. Just accepted it was gone and that was that.

I have still got the bag of dummies in the bread bin as I can't bare to throw them away yet, it's like the last part of his baby years, which I know is very silly Blush

Good luck OP!
The key is not giving in, be firm and stick to your guns

PeonyTruffle · 02/08/2018 06:38

And ignore all these dummy police idiots, we can't all be as good a parents as they are Hmm