Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too old?

37 replies

my3bears · 01/08/2018 20:27

I've just turned 40.

I have 3 children and a full time pressured career.

But....have a consuming need to have another baby. My husband thinks it's a normal thing that all women go through when they realise that the baby years are over. Is this a thing??

Children are 15, 11 and 3

Money would be tighter but not unworkable.

Car is big enough.

House is ok with bunk beds!

My husband stays at home and I work. He's 12 years and isn't 100% well physically.

He's open to discussion but if he said it was his choice only he wouldn't have another.

Aibu????

OP posts:
Aprilshowersinjuly · 01/08/2018 20:29

I had ds at 43, with a new dh!!
6 year gap - he is adored by all my dc!!
No regrets at all!!

Original poster
my3bears · 01/08/2018 20:33

Thank you xx how was your pregnancy?

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 01/08/2018 20:36

If your husband stays at home and doesn't keep well is it fair to consider another baby?

Merryoldgoat · 01/08/2018 20:36

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but it would be a big change. I’m 40 and had my second (and last) just before my birthday. There’s a 5 year gap between children. I felt every single one of those years every day. The pregnancy was awful. I’m less able to deal with the sleeplessness and I generally wonder what the hell I’ve done daily.

Of course I adore my son, don’t regret having him at all but it has been harder at 40.

TroubledLichen · 01/08/2018 20:37

I’m guessing you mean your DH has been at home for 12 years, not that he is 12 😂 But that aside since your DH would presumably be the one looking after the new baby once your maternity ends and given he’s not well physically (so may struggle with another baby?!) I think you would be unreasonable to push it if he’s not keen. Your age is nothing to do with it though!

Aridane · 01/08/2018 20:38

Yep, in the circumstances YABU

Merryoldgoat · 01/08/2018 20:38

Plus your husband’s health is surely a big consideration. I wouldn’t ask an ill person to have another child, especially if they were reluctant.

happytobemrsg · 01/08/2018 20:39

I 100% agree with Troubled

ManyCrisps · 01/08/2018 20:39

YABU for having all these children with a 12 year old DH GrinGrinGrin

GreenMeerkat · 01/08/2018 20:40

If your husband doesn't agree then yes YABU. Especially considering his health and the fact he is the SAHP.

RibbonsofMarvelandSound · 01/08/2018 20:41

I agree with pps about your dh's health and managing a baby alone.

Also I'd be very surprised if your 15yo was happy to share with your 11yo or the 11yo with the 3yo

RobinEggs · 01/08/2018 20:42

It would be hugely unfair on your dh. I’m a sahm to 2 desperately wantsd dc. I also have a long term health condition and absolutely on my knees. It’s a poor quality of life for both me and my dc’s. Dh has a very full on successful career so it doesn’t really affect him.

Lindalee3 · 01/08/2018 20:43

This thread will not go well.

MyDcAreMarvel · 01/08/2018 20:46

Also I'd be very surprised if your 15yo was happy to share with your 11yo or the 11yo with the 3yo
Obviously it would be 3/4 year old sharing with baby. Although why would a 15 and 11 year old sharing be an issue?

bluemascara · 01/08/2018 20:48

I'm in the same boat as you. Some days I've got a real strong urge, a real longing for another one to the point where it makes me cry. It's so hard to know what to do

Seniorschoolmum · 01/08/2018 20:49

After being told I couldn’t have children more than a decade earlier, I fell pregnant at 44 & has dc at 45.
Dp was 55 at the time. Ok, not ideal and I nearly died of shock but I wasn’t giving up on a never to be repeated chance.
Pregnancy was fine, no sickness at all.
I gave up commuting when my ankles swelled at 7.5 months.
Birth took a while & I was v tired but was ok again in about a week.
Dc is now 10, I work full time, it’s the best thing that has ever happened. I take care to keep fit so I can cope but I only have one, not 4.
I think only you can tell if YABU.

Original poster
my3bears · 01/08/2018 20:55

😂 oops typo! He's not 12 😂 12 years older than me!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
my3bears · 01/08/2018 20:57

Some people seem to be able to relate to this feeling! @bluemascara

OP posts:
upsideup · 01/08/2018 20:57

Yes YABU, not because your too old but because your DH doesnt want to another child, hes not well and hes the one who is going to have look after it the most of the time.

Original poster
my3bears · 01/08/2018 20:58

Thank you @Seniorschoolmum

I think I'm worried that I need to decide now as I've a sense of I'm 40 and it'll be too late!

OP posts:
Original poster
my3bears · 01/08/2018 21:01

@upsideup he said he loves babies but worries about my health. His health too. He is open to discussion as he feels it's a joint decision

OP posts:
BlueJava · 01/08/2018 21:03

I would be thinking of my OH's health. I'm 53, so only a year older than your OH, wouldn't want to be having sleepless night and a young child esp. if not in great health.

Original poster
my3bears · 01/08/2018 21:05

@MyDcAreMarvel yep that's it. Pal for the 3 year old!

OP posts:
Original poster
my3bears · 01/08/2018 21:07

@Lindalee3 why? Just looking for advice on if others felt/feel this way. I guess I want to know if it's an age thing lol

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 01/08/2018 21:11

OH was 48 when DD was born and is not in the best of health now.

It is a massive ask to expect a 52 year old man with health problems to deal with a baby as well as the other three.

Count your blessings and don't be greedy.

YABVU

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread